Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hello Everyone, 

I became friends with a Turkish man online. Actually, it was through a language exchange app. We both are students. He is 3 years younger than me. He is currently studying in a military school. 

Fast forward - Within a few days of talking he confessed of having feelings for me.(We were not able to talk for 2-3 days so he realised it at that time) 

I told him that he might be infatuated but he said that it was love and he thinks of marrying me in the near future. (I still don't take it seriously) He said that he has talked about me to his sister too

It has been just 1 month but I really like talking to him. Recently he was not able to contact me so I became really worried and now it feels like, if I keep talking to him then I might fall for him. It is emotionally draining as we have never met. I have so much of trust issues and this is the reason that I have not yet given my number to him. (He asked me once but when I refused he didn't insist on it) 

I wanted to stop talking to him when I realised that I am getting attached (It is hard for me) but he insisted on staying as he loved me and all.

I know he is not a scam as he had sent me pictures from his school so atleast I know that his information is genuine.

The only thing is that he doesn't use any social media so I get more trust issues.(He said that he doesn't like using it for some reason) 

All I want to know is, What should I ask him to do to make me believe me? I am not good at dating. I get attached to people easily. I have read so many stories on how some Turkish men just flirt with foreign women and how good they are at talking ( I am from a third world country so the question of Visa doesn't stand here) 

Link to comment
  • Bunny changed the title to Really confused and need help

Hi Bunny, welcome!  A lot of scams happen electronically, including romantic scams.  And electronic translations are not guaranteed to express the true meaning of what was intended.  So he is talking of marriage already through a language app  after only a month?  :eek:  Red flag!   Nothing is really real until you see a person in real life & get to know them.  

A live phone chat, where you can actually see him talking & interacting with you (even if you don't understand), might give you a clearer picture.  But sorry to say, I personally wouldn't take this as anything serious, but as always, it's up to you to decide, of course.  Please take care!  :)  

Link to comment

Hey Meral, 

Thank you for the reply. 

He didn't ask for marriage on his own. I asked him about his future plans so to assure me that he sees a future with me he told that he is not interested in casual dating and plans to marry. 

For the video call, I do agree with you but now it is not possible as I told you he is in a military school so the environment is very strict so I can't even tell him to do that. 

As you said, I am not taking it that serious too so I am trying to keep myself away till I am actually sure. I have already told him that I won't date him though he wants to wait. 

I am just worried as I get attached very easily so I want to make sure that he is not just killing his time with me. 

Is there any other way or any question which I can ask him to see his true intention? 

Link to comment

Firstly understand this: It is people you trust who scam you. Not people you don't trust.

Quote

I know he is not a scam as he had sent me pictures from his school so atleast I know that his information is genuine.

No, you don't. Scammers often use photos, props, various other things to convince you that what they are saying is true. And they can be very convincing. Photos are easy and readily available, online or otherwise.

Quote

All I want to know is, What should I ask him to do to make me believe me?

Nothing. The issue is not him believing you, it is you believing him.

I'm not saying this guy is a love scammer. But what Meral said is right. If he's talking marriage already, beware.

I'm a retired investigator so I've seen a lot of scams. I've also helped several foreign women who were victims of scams perpetrated by love scammers in Turkey. In fact, I talked to one scammer here in Turkey who had several fiancés on the internet... he would basically have them visit him or visit them for sex, with his promises of marriage. And he would also get money from them with various lies. His mobile phone was stolen, he needed new shoes, his mother needs an operation, there was a terrible accident... whatever.

In a typical scam the man will have some terrible emergency. Like an accident. Or a family member needs an operation. In some cases it's related to the military... they have some terrible problem and don't have enough money because the military doesn't pay much.

And don't expect the scam to happen quickly. They have time. They take their time to get you to fall in love with them first. That's not a problem because they have multiple women in different stages of the timeline.

My advise? Hold on to your feelings. NEVER form any conclusions,

And certainly don't "fall in love" with someone you haven't met. Meet him first (even then you can't be sure, especially if you paid the airfare).

Most importantly this: No respectable Turkish man will ever ask a woman, Turkish or foreign, for money. If he EVER asks for money, no matter what the alleged need or emergency, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.

Again I'm not saying he is a scammer. I'm only telling you about how the love scammers work.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Ken Grubb said:

My advise? Hold on to your feelings. NEVER form any conclusions,

Hey Ken,  

Thank you for your valuable suggestion.  

   I am not letting my guard down ever. I understand things can be quite complicated online. I had already made up my mind not to date anyone I meet online and I had made it clear with that man too. He is mature enough to understand the same.  

    As you already know, Turkish people are quite hospitable and have their own charm so I was just smitten for a while. I am glad to be only his friend and will always put my gut feeling before my heart. 

12 hours ago, Ken Grubb said:

Most importantly this: No respectable Turkish man will ever ask a woman, Turkish or foreign, for money. If he EVER asks for money, no matter what the alleged need or emergency, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.

As for the money part, he knows I am just a student and he is mostly interested in sending me things (gifts and all) rather than asking for it. Still, if he ever asks for it, I will follow your advice and not get carried over. 

Thanks. Discussing this really helped. 
 

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...