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supergran0606

Marrying Older Women

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I think we are talking about different 'DESIRES!':)))))) You are right Angi; I never said it wasn't a question of personal choice. People can do what they want!My point (which I maybe am not making very well) is that OTHER PEOPLE come into this equation...usually the relatives of the younger man. And in the case Alice mentioned and also in my friend's case, this can cause big problems. No man is an island and you have to consider such people as relatives, close friends, work position (especially if an official position) and the culture of the particular society you are living in.

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No man is an island and you have to consider such people as relatives, close friends, work position (especially if an official position) and the culture of the particular society you are living in.

.....I think it's mostly the culture and society some people live in that try to dictate who they marry and having children..... It's been brought to our attension that some Eastern countries/people are trying to change this way of thinking........arranged marriages etc... so many woman are unhappy and in some cases greatly abused in these so called Marriages that were put into place to please the parents.....We are a society not really a culture that gives woman freedom of speech and supposingly the same rights as a man (I know that leaves a bit to be desired) we have become more independent, and are no longer reliant on Men to provide for us, and because of this we don't have to put up with abuse within the home, like some of our Parents or Grandparents did...just to please others or to save face..............Beacuse I have been lucky enough to have been brought up in this kind of society and I'm able to make my own decision .... I for one would never Marry to please anyone but myself and my partner, and I certainly would never bring children into the world just to please the family.. I don't believe we have to consider anyone else but ourselves for our future happiness.

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Things really are changing. Four women MPs were elected to the Kuwaiti Parliament this week. Give women and an education and the vote and just watch what will happen. Everyone will be standing up for their own version of pursuit of happiness just like Debbie!!

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funny thing is im much older than my hubbies parents etc think i am......but then they are village folk who seem to age really badly...hard life.....so our age difference has never been obvious.its only 6 yrs but it was something i was paranoid about.....well aint all 30 yr olds from uk who were always told work study learn buy...erm nonone said breed love move etc...anyway.....to cut to it ive been with him 3 yrs and he has never shut up about babies as do his family.......i better hope im fertile.....i had cancer when i was 19 long story so theres a chance i cant but ive never tried......can u imagine how bad i will feel if i cant......oh and theres the pressure for a boy too......no son has had one yet in his family.......theres 4 sons n 2 daughters and many children and one sister had 3 sons and one died ....oh she had them at about 16 so thats my point too....im way late ....or at least theyd say so if they knew my real age...... but then thats the funny thing.....my hubbies nephew is only few years younger than him....that always confused me....oh u wanna hear the arguments about giving the son who hasnt been even conceived his dads name......argggggggg......thats a saga on the cards...

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No man is an island and you have to consider such people as relatives, close friends, work position (especially if an official position) and the culture of the particular society you are living in.

No man or WOMAN is an island correct, we all live within the 'web of life' what each and everyone of us does affects another part of the 'web'

HOWEVER there is a thing called 'un-conditional love' where we love another DESPITE of our differences. Mother love being the purest of all. Does this change if our offspring choose another way of life to our own? Should we bully them to 'comform' to society 'norms' or to live their life as we lived ours? Or accept them for who they are?

men and women who become parents should do it because they truly want to have children. Not because their parents want grandchildren, or all their friends are having kids, or society makes us feel like we have to. There are too many neglected children in this world because thier parents concieving them for the wronge reasons.

Granted some cultures have children to support them in thier old age, if thats the thinking of the older generation it does not meen that the next generation have the same 'needs' and in fact could help thier elderly parents easier without the added exspense of children. This of course is a westen point of view but Turkey is fast moving into western society :)

Although Islam teaches that marraige is about having children it says it is 'mustahabb' (not obligatory) for a man to marry a fertile woman or one that doesnt desire children

As for the muslim perspective on choosing the spouse of your offspring, In Islam, it's 100% 'halaal' (permissible to use or engage in), according to Islamic law.for a man to choose a woman of his choice as long as she is halaal to him in marriage. The parents sadness or anger is irrelevant.

Muhammad's wife Khadija was 15 years his senior ( he was appox 24 yrs old ) and they were married over 25yrs

pls correct me if i have got this wronge, but although for religious reasons it is prefured people marry to have children (to increase the population) it isnt complusary

So i.m.o. Debbie is right in her statement, it is a social /economic thing why mulsim parents insist on grandchilden from thier offspring, which as i said before is down to personal choice and the liberation/empowerment of women is making it less of a social stigma with each generation

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i did try n persuade my hubby for us to get the white cat that someone found and shown on the forum instead of a baby.....for now anyway.....i tried to explain that cats are cleaner n babies can be messy things......didnt work so we will see......for us his older brother was not allowed to marry an english girl in the past and they have learnt since then that to deny your son what he wants means he will do anything he can to make your life hell after.....he married a kurdish turk and is in my opinion a terrible father - despite the kids being lovely little things....he hangs out in places he shouldnt and i dont need to say that i cant see he found happiness since his parents banned his original idea of love....thank god really they have now accepted me and my husband......with child or no child......we will see.

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@ Chala, :) out of all bad things come good, sory it was to your bother in laws disadvantage but lke you say you gained from his eperience

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I have a close friend, who comes from central Anatolia. He married when he was 21 and his wife 19 and they have two lovely children. But he is unhappy since he felt they married too young because his mother insisted he marry and procreate. But he says he will stay married because in Turkish culture divorce stigmatises the woman and she is viewed as a whore, soiled goods etc and more importantly for him anyway, he feels that children need both parents.His mother, not content with having ruined his life, is pressing his younger brother to get married. He is nearly 30 and she considers he is over the hill and should be married by now. At one time he had a foreign girlfriend apparently, not older but the mother vetoed her as she said European women are whores and she hates foreigners like poison. You see the mentality here. And this is a good family, with money and all the sons are educated and high up in the military.If you want to buck the trend you have to find someone who cocks a snook at his family and escapes. If he is willing to be cast out from his family for years or else the family want him to marry so they can profit from it. I have heard awful stories of people who married guys here and got dumped years later when they had got what they wanted. I have heard of TWO German-Turkish friends of mine whose husbands carried on with the first girlfriend after the marriage and then once they had got all their papers, the Germans were dumped. One was dumped 5 years later and the other 8. Imagine...

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So shall we advise young girls/ ladies that before they get serious with any man here they better go and get their mothers approval first....and that they should do that no matter what their prospective boy friends may promise....You see its our culture... we can't change it, we have very close interrelations and one always rely on the other...and that's the way we like it here and happy with... bumerang effect you see rolls on....

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But he says he will stay married because in Turkish culture divorce stigmatises the woman and she is viewed as a whore, soiled goods etc and more importantly for him anyway, he feels that children need both parents.

...........benh I think it's awful what your friend has had to go through, and if it's not enough his Mum has made one sons life a living misery she trying to do it again..........his wife probably isn't too happy with the marriage as well.......... what is wrong with these people can she not see how unhappy he is, I really can not understand WHY some Turkish woman have children, it's certainly not for the love of their child.......Your comment above, I agree that where ever possible it is best for the children to have both parents living together, but I don't think at the cost of the parents being so unhappy together, kids pick up on things very easy and they can sometimes end up damaged themselves.......... .....Both my Parents are 70 my Mum has a very dear friend they have been friends for yrs, her friend was in a very abusive marriage for yrs, she put up with stuff you couldn't imagine, and she stayed with the husband because they had 2 girls, later when the girls had left home, she finally had the courage to leave him (while he was at work) ........The girls could not do enough for their Mother in helping her leave their Father, and do not even to this day know the full extent of what their Mother went through......... but when she decided to leave they asked her why the hell she didn't leave him yrs ago....... of course she explained that it would have been difficult leaving him while they were still at home...... they were mortified that their Mother had stayed because of them.... and explained that they would have rather lived in poverty with their Mother, than to have stayed within such an unhappy home....in some cases it's just better for the children in the long run if the parents divorce.......Your comment about Turkish divorced woman.........again I think this depends on where in Turkey you originate from, and how strong your cultural/personal beliefs are.......... some parts of Eastern Turkey take this view about Divorced woman being stigmatised, so what happens is the Husband doesn't divorce the woman (he was never legally married to her in the first place anyway) he just takes another wife.......nice one...........My Husbands Grandmother (Fathers side originally from Sinop) she's in her late 70's early 80's..... although her first Husband died many yrs ago she has been living with another Man as Husband and wife for yrs, he certainly did not think she was soiled goods because she had been married before, and I don't think it matters that her Hubby died and didn't divorce her, the point being she has been Married to another man (you could call her used goods) but she's been living in sin so to speak, and someone of her age, not something you probably here much of in Turkey................Her Youngest daughter has been married 3 times, first Hubby died then the other 2 she has divorced, not all men have obviously thought she was soiled goods.........another Aunt who lives in Duze, divorced her husband after many abusive yrs, in fact it was her brother who had taken enough of seeing his sister beaten up by this man that he threatened to Kill him if he didn't leave her and the home, and they have a daughter, she has lived alone with her daughter for about 8yrs now, and in that time has had offers of marriage from a couple of Turkish men, but she has said no (think the first one put her off for life).......So like said, it's part cultural, but I feel more on a personal belief......... and you will always find some people everywhere who think along these lines......

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Hi debbie,I hope you don't mind me contacting you like this but I am a senior features writer at the largest independant press agency in the UK and I am currently searching for women who are having a successfull relationship with a toyboy. A national magazine is very excited to feature an article about women finding love with younger men abroad. It would be an inspirational and up-lifting piece regarding success stories like yours. If you would like to be involved or know any other women who would be, please get in touch on: [email protected]/01179066505. I can also tell you that you will be paid a generous fee for your time and will have full control of any information that appears in a national publication. It would be great to hear from you!Best Wishes,Lucy GardnerSouth West News Service

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As a Turk I can say, regardless of Resort life or City life, the lower the economic freedom of the family, the more accepting the family are to older non Turkish brides.

The better off they are economically, the more they are against that type of union.

Generally you don't find many types of this marriage within the Turk to Turk unions, so it isn't the cultural norm.

However you do find exceptions and they do work out very well, good luck to them.

I grew up in the UK and from my experience in Turkey, hmm, there is a lot of jealousy, especially when you are from abroad. Some mothers won't even try to get to know you, because u are foreign, others will immediately call u their daughter, because u are different and she can show you off.

Not all Mothers care madly about grandkids, I am so sorry to stereotype == Most villagers, living in resort towns or cities, and most south easterners, townies or villagers, are extremely uneducated, and I mean that not in a school way, they are called Cahil which means ignorant, not knowledgeable or unwise. They prefer boys over girls, teach their kids that boys are better than girls, also I hate the so called Islamic upbringing family types that are generally just as Cahil but use religion to prove their ignorance.

sorry bit of a moody evening... :s

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I really love this thread, I have been looking for this for a very long time now. My name is Engr Walter i am new in Istanbul i'm 38 years old and am looking for an older woman for a very serious relationship you can contact me with my email or hangout [email protected] Thanks 

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Sorry walter, but this isn't a dating site. Good luck with your hunt.

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