BeckyEde

Moving to Guzelbahce In May 2019 to Marry a Turk

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I met a girl in Izmir in 1964 who didn't speak English.  I found her 4 years ago on Facebook and we have been corresponding through her son,  In 2015 I went to Izmir to stay with them.  I stayed 3 weeks. Her son was very very respectful and after some time until now we speak daily on Facebook or on the phone.  He is 20 years younger than I am and has never been married.  I have but have been divorced since 2007 (here in the states).  He wants to marry me this May.  We would be living with his Mom (who is my friend).  They have a 3 bedroom apartment in a beautiful area 2 blocks from the sea,  We would not have children.  He is 50 and I am 70 (but look about 60 - according to my friends).  I love Turkey and I love this family.  I would have my social security and he has his job,  His mother has a very small pension from the Turkish government.  I would like to know what people think about this.  I do not believe he or his family are using me,  I do not send money or anything else.  Please let me know what your ideas are before I make this big jump.

 

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I think it would be easier to reply if you had some specific questions. It doesn't sound like the typical "love rat" scheme... that is, young men taking advantage of older foreign women. :) I wish you the best!

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I was wondering how your relationship with your old friend might be affected... I mean, she will be your mother-in-law & all 3 of you will be living under the same roof.  How does she feel about her son marrying one of her old friends from school days?  The dynamics in the household may change in some way;  it would not be the same as when you were just a guest for 3 weeks.  I recommend you discuss this with both of them before making a final decision.  I wish you good luck & happiness. :)

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On 04/12/2018 at 03:54, IbrahimAbi said:

How did you get on with the son apart from him being respectful?

 

12 hours ago, Meral said:

I was wondering how your relationship with your old friend might be affected... I mean, she will be your mother-in-law & all 3 of you will be living under the same roof.  How does she feel about her son marrying one of her old friends from school days?  The dynamics in the household may change in some way;  it would not be the same as when you were just a guest for 3 weeks.  I recommend you discuss this with both of them before making a final decision.  I wish you good luck & happiness. :)

We are ok, it was my friends idea for me to move there in the first place.  She wants me to marry her son because she says she loves me and her son loves me and she wants all of us to be happy and live together in our "old age".  We laugh about this all the time.  The son, Bahadir, and I get along very well.  We have similar tastes and sense of humor.  He says he will always protect me with his life because I will be his wife.  I love this whole family.  His sisters, uncles, cousins, mom, just all of them.  I wish me good luck and happiness too!!!  Thank you for your concern and input.

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On 03/12/2018 at 21:37, Ken Grubb said:

I think it would be easier to reply if you had some specific questions. It doesn't sound like the typical "love rat" scheme... that is, young men taking advantage of older foreign women. :) I wish you the best!

I don't feel this is a "love rat" scheme either.  I am not rich and we do not want to live anywhere but in Guzelbahce so it's not like it is for him to become an American.  He loves his country, me, his mom and all of his family and so do I.  My eyes are open.  I will keep money in the bank for a return ticket if I ever need it but I don't think I ever will.

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That's what I am thinking as well. I have heard of such situations working out just fine in the past. Not only that, it sounds like you are willing to adapt to the culture, and appreciate it. It's hard to comment on such situations because they are all unique, with two unique people involved. I also hesitate to give advice, since I can't be responsible for the result, and whatever happens would happen to you, and not me! I suppose that is why people are so willing to give advice!

I got married to a foreign spouse years ago since I had to leave, and if I had not married her I would never see her again. It didn't work out at all, but if I hadn't at least tried, I would always have wondered what might have happened. So even though for me it might have been "a mistake," I don't regret it.

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A 20 year difference sounds quite irregular for a Turk to me. So yes, plan B is always good. Everything always seems perfect when you are on vacation in a beautiful country with beautiful people. But then soon enough, reality sets in...

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1 minute ago, Mimi said:

A 20 year difference sounds quite irregular for a Turk to me. So yes, plan B is always good. Everything always seems perfect when you are on vacation in a beautiful country with beautiful people. But then soon enough, reality sets in...

I told him this.  He said age is just a number.  Feelings are what is important.

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Again, I don't want to sound negative, but what else would he say? If you want my advice, I wouldn't just pick up and move there, why not give it a 3 month try. Trust me, you will know after less than that probably, and if it doesn't work out, well, at least you won't have lost much. Also, the fact that he has never been married is strange for a Turkish guy. Just protect yourself. Also, don't forget that the cultural differences are immense. And I mean really immense.

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I have a friend who lives 6 months out of the year in Selcuk. She met a guy there who is 23 years her junior. She is 58. He made her life hell and ate up a lot of her finances. My ex husband is 3 years my junior. When he met this couple, he said to me: can you imagine such an age difference? Can you imagine my introducing you to my friends and family if you were that much older than me?  So be cautious, don't let your feelings overpower your head, that's all. Maybe everything will indeed be perfect. But somehow, I doubt it.

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l totally understand that Becky because I had the same dream. I still do. However, the dream is better served without a man or other person in the way. Turks are kind, warm and generous people. However their family values and concept of women and North American culture are very different. For them, you are the rich foreigner, even if you are poor. For the man, you are there to serve them and concede to their every whim. The men are lovely when they are in wooing mode. After that, good luck! As for wanting to retire there, I would love to do the same. But on my own so I'm not dependent on anybody.

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Anyway, people can keep on telling you whatever they want to tell you but in the end, you have to experience it yourself. I did and I learned. The semi hard way. I lost a lot, but I protected myself as well and I'm so glad I did.

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Hi Becky,

Speaking of plan B, it's always  a good idea to keep a copy of your passport with someone outside of your current (or future environment), and it certainly doesn't hurt to send your self a copy to your email.

I had a funny experience with an agent once that really alerted me, long story short he was asking for this ridicules amount of  money to which we replied we are going to need sometime to arrange for it all, he was rushing us, to the point we got annoyed, we astood up and were ready to go, and he suddenly demanded our passports the way he did it was quite bizzare, I asked him why he wanted them he said for safe keeping and garantee, BLACKMAIL was the proper word for it.

:wink3:

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OK RELAX EVERYONE.  I have changed my mind.  I am not going.  I am going to stay here in Oregon and just live my life.  Don't need stress anymore.  Thanks for all the advise - It helped me make my decision.

 

Happy Holidays to you all.

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1 hour ago, Mimi said:

May I ask what happened that made you change your mind?

Your post got me to thinking and thinking.  Then this morning he Facebooked me and asked me if I could buy him a winter jacket and some heavy duty boots and his mom needed a jacket too.  I just thought.....hummmmmm.....more money????  Don't think so - so I blocked him for good.

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Hi BeckyEde,

I agree with what Ken said 100%, the reason we all reacted to this post is because you asked us for advice, and we cared about you, I did not want you to get burnt but wanted you to be alert and to take precautions, because you only you can discover/undercover the truth so that you find peace with any decision you make. 

I'm sorry if I come off too strong, I have been burnt/scammed so many times even lost everything once before, the two major lesson I learned is

1. take your time with anything.   

2. always have a plan B, even a plan C is not a bad idea. 

 

I wish you all the best, Take care.

 

 

 

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Yeah Becky, you are smart, good for you! Gee I hate people who try to take advantage of others, in particular his mom's friend?? Ayip, ayip, ayip. And ayip to the mom too. You should have told them that the warmth of your love should suffice to keep them warm in winter, hah!

I was married to a Turk and we bought a place together. Luckily, his friend (who lives in Canada) came to assist with the purchase and made sure my name was on the tapu (deed of sale). I gave 1/3 of the money, but my name is on it as half owner. Well after 3 months and more demands for money, I decided I wanted out and now I am in the process of suing my ex. And I am so happy that I made sure that my name is registered as part owner. The man is the father of my son, and I am sure that if my name had not been on the tapu, he would have had no qualms about making off with money that should belong to his son. These men have no shame and they will eventually get what they deserve.

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Oh dear!  This is certainly a sharp turn of events!  If he has asked you to buy him stuff, Becky, then I can only imagine mother & son must've sat talking & realized there would be extra income available when you join the family.  Perhaps you never thought it might happen, since they both loved you so much, and you them.  I'm sorry your dreams have been shattered, but at least you've been saved from some of the fates reported by other members above.  Your happiness doesn't depend on others, & I wish you a good happy life..... :)

 

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