loszka

Turkish men versus his friends

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Dear All,

I am new here but I hope you will be able to help me and share your thoughts. I am in relationship with turkish man, he lives already 4 years in Europe. Currently we are having long distance relationship due to my job, however I am coming back to my country (and him) in few months. Long distance relationship itself works good, we see each other at least once per month, usually twice. I am sure he does not cheat on me, he is not jealous. I feel loved and secure. 

There is however one thing that concerns me - his friends. They are having strong Turkish people community in the place we used to live and we will live. They meet for dinners, they celebrate their holidays together, enjoy Turkish music, movies, culture. It happened few times he had chosen to meet with them over seeing me after 2 or 3 weeks saying that they are like family for him and they will always be. I do not need attention for 24/7, I also have my own family, friends but it seems not OK for me that after few weeks he still prefers to spend time with his friends and they see each other basically everyday, they even used to live together for years. 

Usually we are agreeing then to meet for example at 16:00 and spend 2 hours together, he is never late but also he never stays longer because usually at 18:00 sharp he would get messages from his friends saying: "you promised us to be here, why you are not there, don't come if you don't want, have fun then if you don't want to see us". 

I am wondering if it's part of Turkish culture and I should get used to be always on 3rd place after family and friends or it's a personal thing? 

Thanks!

PS. I am sorry for all mistakes, I am not native English speaker but I hope it's still understandable. 

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Dear Loszka; You don't need to apologize for your English mistakes, we all make them, even us native speakers. This is a friendly community, We are here to help, not judge, not to criticize, nor hurt anyone's feelings. I appreciate your bravery! for making the attempt and that is what is important. I assure you though I'm learning Turkish I make far more mistakes than you. I wish my Turkish was as good as your English.

The only thing I can say about your situation is that you are not alone! My wife of almost 15 years does the same thing. We used to spend almost every minute together when I wasn't working. SOmetimes we would take trips together to visit fellow Turkish friends who lived in a Turkish community. I figured she was lonely after all she was in MY country and I know she loved to get a taste of home every once in awhile.

 But in the last 2 years we had to do the long distance relationship. I had to stay in the  U.S.A. because I was selling our house, She came back to Turkey to help take care of her father who is sick. We skyped or What'sapp'ed every day. Every few months she would fly back for a visit.

I couldn't leave until the house was sold, and I had to tie up a few loose ends before I moved here. I thought she was seeing her friends every days for comfort because she was alone, Now i'm here and she still visits her friends and / or family every day. Sometimes I'm invited, Sometimes it is Women only. My thoughts is that perhaps we were separated too long and this is the new lifestyle she got used to it.

It does seem crazy but it is what it is, I would rather be here and stay her and my son, and see her part time than be alone in the USA without either of them. I don't know if time will change, but I have accepted it as the new norm.

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