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Susanna(Lily)

How do turkish men meet/find women?

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How do turkish men find women?

I'm living here for more than one and a half years. My Turkish isn't fluent, but I'm able to keep a friendly conversation. The problem is that men almost don't come to me to meet me(for example, introducing themselves, asking my phone number, etc.) No, it happened around four times to me, but it is much-much less, compared to how much it happened in my home country before. My appearance is fine, and it obviously didn't change since I left my home country and moved to Turkey. It may be important, I am a muslim, and I wear a modern muslim dress(hijab), similar to what ladies wear here. In my country islamophobia is kinda on the rise, and people know that I wouldn't date a non-muslim, but they still come and offer to date me. Here everything seems right, but it just doesn't happen(well, happened, but not much). Turkish men are said to give a lot of attention to women in general(I do not mean beach boys, waiters in the tourist zone, I just mean people in general; it could be in any form, like smiling, talking, etc), but I feel lack of attention, like there's a woid around me. The difference is big, compared to my home country (where men are often characterized as "cold"). What do I wrong?

Maybe there are some signs of body language I don't understand, that I'm supposed to see and reply(how??)? Some things seem weird to me, for example, if there's a man on the bus stop, he'll stay a bit further away, sometimes even on the edge of the bus stop. It's discouraging and upsetting. And owerall some men are acting like you don't exist at all.

I asked one of my friends about dating sites in Turkey, he said that they have a really bad reputation and "only perverts use them". I don't think that's true. But if not meeting on the street(is it found offencive in Turkish culture?) and not on dating sites, then where? How do turkish men meet women? There are a lot of the people I know, and they are married. Or having a girlfriend. Muslims and atheists. It means they somehow met the woman and initiated the contact. I'm not comfortable to share this problem with them.

Dear Turkish Men! Where do you meet woman and how do you initiate contact with them? What do I do wrong? 

If you're not Turkish, you can ask your friend. Or, maybe as a forieigner, you had the same experience?

Thanks.

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Don't despair Lily.  I lived alone in Side for 6 years before I met my Welsh partner and we have lived together for 7 years now ... half the year in Side, Turkey and the other half in Cardiff, Wales ... he was in Side for a 2 week holiday when we got introduced by a mutual friend.  Look here ...

Three truths typical Turkish men

What Have We Done to Turkish Men

Things Turkish men do to get laid

Turkish Men Holiday Romance

How Does Dating and Relationships Word in Turkish Culture

Marrying a Turkish man

Should I Trust My Turkish Boyfriend?

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Take care before using a Turkish dating site, a female friend of ours has been on one, and sometimes the men send explicit photos to gauge your reaction. I would not expect Turkish men to approach you if you are in Hijab, I thought that one of the ideas of hijab is to show that you are a modest person, and probably would not welcome an approach from an unknown man.

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Hi Susanna,

First of all, welcome to Turkey!  It's not common that [covered] girls/women are approached by men.  Granted, its not unheard of.  There are plenty of guys that I am sure would love to talk to you, but are fearful that you will say no because you are being modest (or so they think).  Are you fully covered or the common Turkish 'Turbanli' dress..or just a headscarf?  Don't trust the date sites!

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On 31/12/2017 at 12:43 PM, IbrahimAbi said:

Take care before using a Turkish dating site, a female friend of ours has been on one, and sometimes the men send explicit photos to gauge your reaction. I would not expect Turkish men to approach you if you are in Hijab, I thought that one of the ideas of hijab is to show that you are a modest person, and probably would not welcome an approach from an unknown man.

Being modest (if) doesn't mean being a monk.

Muslim men still like women, and muslim women like men (imagine!). We see each other, get attracted, meet each other, fall in love just like all the other people, get married, etc. And for unknown men... they are all unknown until they introduce themselves. Except your bro, father, etc. That's how you get to know each other.

For the dating sites, got it. It happens all around the web, not only here. But does it happen here more than anywhere else?

And the main question is still here. If you have turkish friends, can you please ask them, how did they meet their woman,or maybe they can comment anything on the topic.

Thanks.

 

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On 31/12/2017 at 1:39 PM, FenerEniste said:

Hi Susanna,

First of all, welcome to Turkey!  It's not common that [covered] girls/women are approached by men.  Granted, its not unheard of.

That's good. But how to show that I don't mind it? Or, maybe I should just wait for the brave ones)

Or the other situation, I'm interested in somebody, we're talking, for example, how to show that I don't mind to continue the conversation, for example?

Thank you, I'm happy to live here.

Okay then, but how does it happen in Turkey, how do people meet?

Maybe you have any examples of stories, how they met, among your friends?

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How do Turkish men and women find each other?

No official stats, but personal experiences suggest it is largely people met at university or else with the assistance of friends and family.

Specifically...

met at university 

met through work (not necessarily colleagues, but friends of friends)

met through family members.

Lily, I think you should take into account that the statement you are making with your hijab, as an expression of identity and freedom of choice, and the statement that the men you meet are hearing are not the same.

Friends are often helpful, so maybe you should make friends with a good number of Turkish women first?

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On 04/01/2018 at 6:07 PM, Fil said:

How do Turkish men and women find each other?

No official stats, but personal experiences suggest it is largely people met at university or else with the assistance of friends and family.

Specifically...

met at university 

met through work (not necessarily colleagues, but friends of friends)

met through family members.

Lily, I think you should take into account that the statement you are making with your hijab, as an expression of identity and freedom of choice, and the statement that the men you meet are hearing are not the same.

Friends are often helpful, so maybe you should make friends with a good number of Turkish women first?

That's good to know that at least social channels(work, friends, etc) work. Do you know, do the hobbies work the same way?

And maybe there's any specific "place" or kind of places where singles go to meet each other?

That would be really precious, if you can ask some guy, who actively identifies himself as a muslim and religion plays some role in his life, where do they find girls. A big thanks if anyone can do that.

Yes, and how to make that message the same? My dress is not all traditional or oh-so-cute all in ribbons that may present girl as timid, focused on her manners and best feeling under her mom's wing.

And for the relatives of my friend, there're girls wearing hijab that are as far as possible from being timid and cute. Some of them don't even want to get married. So all the Turkish girls are sooo different. Turkish men probably know that. So maybe I'm doing something wrong?

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