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Dear all,

Hey. I am a muslim Azeri boy (of course not bigoted) and started to study in Ankara for about 5 months ago. During these days I really feel good about Turkish girls, specially in our university. I have 25 years old.

Actually, I have not had any girl-friend before but here the story is different. I don´t know why everyone here has at least one friend! Of course, I do not really generalize and I was kidding but I don´t know why you cannot find anyone without any semimi friend.

As a boy who do not like to be friend with a person (girl) who has a lot of boy friends I mean normal friends, the choices are limited for me. Furthermore, I don´t know why many girls here say that we can just be normal friends! OK I get that! but it is hard for a person with many heavy courses and researches to be played by many girlssmile.gif

By chance, I invite a 21 years old Turkish girl tomorrow for lunch. Of course, we have connection for about a month. She studies English literature and international relations. Let me say that my Turkish is medium and my English is perfect but I am not native. As my plans signal, again my choices would be limited. I mean since I am going to live in a European country or U.S.A, I don´t know even I can find anyone as a soulmate.

OK return to my issue. What should I do or how should i behave behave such that, that girl who likes philosophy, which is similar to me, does not cut her connection with me? We have had connection for about 3 weeks or 1 month approximately from an internet because she was in another city before starting new semester. She is in another university. I am a poet and I have a poem for her but I don´t know whether it would be OK to give that to her or even flower even though in first meeting i don´t know that would be OK? What should I say?

Please help I have no time and as I said there are a few number of girls around me and most of them have friends. Please someone who really know Turkish girls answer these. Any comments would be appreciated.

 

P.S.: I want to have relationship in future and marry. I am serious about it.

 

Best,

Mohsun

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Take your time and have fun. Girls like to be around people who are fun and non-threatening. If you come over too strong at the beginning (in my opinion a poem would be too much at this stage, (unless poetry comes up in the conversation and she wants to see an example).

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Thanks Ibrahim,

 

really? poem is strong!? Ohhh I did not know that. Let me clarify that the peome is not romance too much. Maybe it is classified as a philosophical one. I don't know really how to behave and what do you mean by fun but as far as I get she does not like so much fun. What do you mean comes up to conversation? As a poet, It is normal to read poet by herself and you mean I do not give her anything? Is it possible for Turkish girls to marry with a foreign boy? Hopefully, I am muslim:)

I like her and the hard part for me is that I have some plans for future which might not be uygun or suitable for many Turkish girls so my choices are limited. Beside. even though I am Azeri and I know Turkish medium but again I might be assumed as a foreigner. Also, my major is Engineering so there are just a few girls around me whom have many friends:)

I do not want to miss her!

any ideas are appreciated.

 

thanks

 

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Hello Mohsun, welcome to Turkey Central. As Ibrahim Abi has said, just be yourself. That is all anyone can advise you to do, we don't know you and we don't know the girl, so to try to give any other advice is impossible. Good luck.

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Hello.  I see you PMed me, so I thought I'd respond.

First off, please understand that your English is not "perfect."  This is not a criticism, but you do need to understand that.  I would not be doing you a favor if I kept that to myself.  You need to know.

To the point of your query- does she have a brother?  

Presuming she's traditional and you are, too, I'd be clear that you are ready in your life to find a wife and settle down.  They will respect you if you make this intent clear.  Better to do that then to "pretend" to be her friend when you really want a wife.

I know others may differ, but my husband's family is traditional Turk, and I've seen both his brother AND sister meet and marry within six months' time!

(Yes, I am a woman... you called me "Brother" in your PM to me.  Surprise!)  : D

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Oh. Sorry about misunderstanding. I said that I am not a native one! I meant my English is much better than Turkish and I have many papers in English and GRE/GMAT/TOEFL scores which at least show that my English is good!

But, yes you have right maybe the perfect word is not a suitable one to be used here:)

Thanks

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Oh nice.

Thanks for helping me. I have no one but you forum guys! I have another question too, It is really hard to convince a girl to have meeting. And when they persuaded to meet, they just try to excuse everything to avoid meeting! exam, cooking, rain!! woooow even rain! I don't know but I really hate that! If they directly say I do not have any desire to have meeting it is OK with me!

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Again, I'd go through the family.

If you have MALE friends where you live, as THEM if they have any sisters ready for marriage...  Or maybe they've got other friends who have sisters.  Just get the word out that you want to find a wife... presuming you are financially stable and can support a family, know how to treat a woman with respect, then you should have no problems.  Being a good dresser and good smelling (but not too much cologne) helps, too!

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Thanks again,

Actually, many people say in this forum that do not talk about marriage! Actually, at the first meetings it is risky to say that! I am not really familiar with these Turkish sisters!:)

I have another question! It is hard to convince these girls to have meeting and if accepts they try to create any excuse to avoid meeting:

exam, cooking, rain!!! wooow rain!! Could it be an excuse? I don't understand them! It is really hard for a person with 26 years to find good girl here especially for marry! I do not know why you say talk about marriage for this girl!

Thanks

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Every person has their own opinion.  This is just mine.  I think it's good to be honest about why you are wanting to meet women.  As I said, BOTH my SIL and BIL met their now husbands and wives knowing from the START that it was marriage with the end goal.

My suggestion is to find families who are this traditional way as well.

That's my perspective.

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10 hours ago, TaterTot said:

Every person has their own opinion.  This is just mine.  I think it's good to be honest about why you are wanting to meet women.  As I said, BOTH my SIL and BIL met their now husbands and wives knowing from the START that it was marriage with the end goal.

My suggestion is to find families who are this traditional way as well.

That's my perspective.

You mean there are a lot of girls who start friendship or relationship without marriage aim?!!

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I noticed that you have sent me a message regarding to your situation, 

First of all, welcome to both our country and our forum. I wish you luck in your education life in here.

About your issue, your question is so general, I believe many mens are sufforing with this problem. When coming to you, you don't have to pretend like someone else. Every person has their own characteristic features that separates us. If mentioned girl has something for you that's because who you really are. I've always consider myself inexperience with relationship thing, so I'm not in a position to give any advice. I hope only best for you.

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Hello all,

I have another question. This is also important. About my compatriot! He gets crazy from 3 months ago.

First of all, he is a shy person. He was a watcher (gozetmen) for an exam. Unfortunately, he saw a girl woooooooow he really adores her a lot. I don't know what happened to him. The girl is 21 years old. After 3 months he gets crazy but since he rarely sees her I mean they are in different department and he cannot see him. Also, he tries sometimes to go before or after her class to see her but as I say he does not know what to do. Sometimes, he wants to send an e-mail to her and make an appointment to talk with her but again he regret!!

Please anyone who knows Turkish girls say how he could handle this. I want to help him but cannot do that. He is somewhat depressed! How could he make an appointment with her and what should he say to her! He just adores her but he sees her twice and I know that she never reminds of my friend!

Thanks all

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Sure I do not! I don't have time to think about being played with many girls and as far as I know Turkish girls at least many of them are not something like that!

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Quote

Please anyone who knows Turkish girls say how he could handle this. I want to help him but cannot do that. He is somewhat depressed! How could he make an appointment with her and what should he say to her! He just adores her but he sees her twice and I know that she never reminds of my friend!

How about "want to go for a coffee?"

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You mean there are a lot of girls who start friendship or relationship without marriage aim?!!

Yes. From that question I take it you are not of Turkish nationality as said in your profile. Lots of men and women date members of the opposite sex while trying to find the person they want to marry. It doesn't mean they are "playing" anybody. They are just enjoying themselves and meeting people, whether their ultimate aim is marriage or not.

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Hi Dalyan

could we generalize your answer to whole Turkey? Do you know what I mean by "playing"?

I mean I still cannot see that girl and many girls like that. I don't know but girls are the professors of excuses!

Quote

How about "want to go for a coffee?"

Oh is it easy like that?

Do you go to coffee with a stranger? The first sentences are really important to convince somebody. I really get confused about this Turkey!

Should my friend go directly to her or can he sent an e-mail to catch her alone and convince her to see her?

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It is somewhat different from here! The similarity of the languages does not indicate the similarity of everything

The thing that answers in Azerbaijan might not answer here.

again thanks:)

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I assume from that Azerbaijan is much more conservative (Muslim?) than Turkey. But that also depends on where you are in Turkey, and the family traditions of the girl. In Western Turkey/Istanbul, with many girls (especially around age 25) it would be perfectly acceptable to ask them if they would like to meet for a chat somewhere at a cafe or some other public place. But it would probably be better at first to ask her with her friends. The words aren't so important. It isn't a marriage proposal. But I don't know anything about who he wants to talk to. If she wears a veil, and is religious/conservative, maybe that wouldn't be acceptable. In some parts of Turkey they have marriages arranged by the parents. In that case I really don't know, I would not want to date/marry a religious and conservative woman.

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Sure me too.

You are right. From my point of view many families in Turkey are somewhat traditional at least in marriage. One of my friends said that you see this boy and girl kissing or leaning to each other or holding their hands! They cannot do this in front of their families! And they do not like to see it. Even some of the girls have boy friends secretly.

You know why I said my friend is a muslim! because he really is and I know that you should be muslim to marry here. The thing that marriage office asks you first, is this part!!

I am in Ankara with my friend and that girl wears normally and no veil and she is from kirsehir originally. She is 21 years old and this also as you said (not 25) making the thing harder. As I said, it is really hard to offer anyone especially with her friends since she really does not know anything about you! I am sure, she does not remind my friend but the thing is that if my friend really knows that she has a boy friend maybe he gets calm! or if she wants to be with my friend again he might get calm or excited. he really gets crazy woooooooow!

Yes the words are noy important but the way you want to ask or request something by person or email for the first time is important. We have no ideas about Turkish girls even though you are right we cannot generalize but again she is Turkish! maybe he could release himself by sending an email and asking for a normal appointment to say what he feels to her and ask whether she has a boyfriend or not! Is it OK you think?! I know that it seems meaningless since he saw her in an exam and they really have no idea about each others!

And let me say that he is not in her class else he could say easier. he just eats his own brain by keeping this in himself for 3 months!

Thanks really

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