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Turkish-American meeting girls from Turkey and enjoying his recent trip there

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I am a Young Turkish-American who is in his mid 20's born and raised in the States. I just recently finished school and didn't get a degree, due to not being able to get accepted into a Vocational Program. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I just recently this summer came back from a trip to see my relatives and I first of all have to say I really enjoy seeing the lifestyle there. I enjoyed being around my relatives, as well as the hospitality of all my relatives. I cried seeing kids playing happily in the streets of the neighborhoods, as I don't see this stuff at all in local Southern California neighborhoods. I also have noticed that when I am shopping malls, airports and other places, I have caught myself staring at girls way more in one month then I do in a whole year and am interested in meeting a girl from Turkey.


I was wondering, how do more physically attractive girls in Turkey think like. Will the judge you if your not physically attractive (I don't look like a macho bad boy, I am really skinny, I have a really high pitched tone of voice, I look way younger then my actual age, and consider myself extremely plain looking), do not have a Bachelors Degree (due to struggling with a Behavioral+Learning Disability)  and I am taking some time to figure out what to do with your life. As a person, I have a good personality, am very fun to be around, and whenever my relatives back in Turkey see me, they consider me to be really fun to be around and I have younger male cousins who look up to me and greatly respect me. Can a person like me get away with mainly a nice personality, fun to be around and having a good sense of humor, or will girls and their families be judgmental just because I am lacking some strengths as a person. I mean if I date a girl, I will be willing to do things like treat her like a queen, be as fun to be around as possible, do things like clean the house up and make food and other things. I will even better myself as a human being too. So will having a good personality be enough to get girls that look like on a 8/10 scale.


Another thing is since I just recently went on a trip to see my relatives who live all the way in Turkey, I had so much fun and so much amazing memories hanging out various places, which I don't think I will be enjoying for a while if you ask me. I was going to nice pristine beaches drinking on the beach, meeting random people during the summer vacation, trying to talk to random girls at beach places and island places, having good times with my cousins and so on. This had led me almost consider living there for a couple of years, see how it is like and how I can improve my Turkish language skills.


I was originally considering to look into starting a Small Business, or get my Insurance License, or start Writing Books to earn $, but now, this trip I have enjoyed a whole lot really makes me think, boy I miss seeing all of my relatives so much to the point I want to live there. But will it be realistic for me to move there all the sudden the same year after enjoying this trip, or should I just build a career in the States for a while, maybe going to see relatives more and maybe move permanently in the future once I can speak Turkish fluently (I have a hang of the language somewhat but need improvement).


What is your take about this issue guys about what girls I am looking for and whether if they will judge me or not? What about how realistic it is to move to Turkey maybe in a few months to year, or maybe in a few years? I'd like to hear some opinions.



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Hey bro,


I'm an American living in Turkey (Ankara).


First off, Turkey is in a political/religious war internally so this will affect your life whether you care about politics or not, Turkey technically doesn't even have a government now as they have to rebuild one but that's another story...


"Attractive Turkish Girls Interest"

First off, no real Muslim girl will even think to marry you because you drink.  So you automatically cut your chances in half, you aren't even marriageable to religious women unless you were a Muslim (a practicing one). 


So your choice would be a non-religious woman...and this is the general criteria for them:

-You need to have a degree

-A job in Turkey

-An apartment/house or the money to have it

-Steady finances and potential to pay for a nice wedding

-A car

-Long-term security


out of the 6, you need a solid 5.  A really nice humble girl will settle with you having only 4 of those.  Fact is, your competition is very high...

I mean why you when there are so many men here who have a life ready for them to settle into!?  Also these men grow with the same sort of people so the women know who they are...while you are just mysterious, do you do drugs, do you cheat...they wouldn't know would they...

Not to be harsh because I know it sounds that way but this is the solid fact.  A religious practicing Muslim has even more requirements than that.  Look bro, I still go through hell here as an American and everyone comes to me with misjudgements just because of where I was born.


No you can't get away with a good personality, go stand in line with the other million or two with good personalities who are single.  Turks as you should know or will learn, care a lot about how they appear to people, so having nice things is kind of a big thing to pretty much everyone here.  To be frank you just don't have a lot to sell, your looking at this from an American perspective and not as a Turk would.


Also what Turkish womans family would marry their daughter to a guy who basically came from America, and hasn't established himself here?  It gives an uncertain future and nobody raises their children to throw them into that life.  Your chance is a good 5%



Now to increase those chances if you are serious to move here, you would need to:


-Pick up some sort of degree to have some sort of career that can give you a nice future here.

-Save up a lot of money so that you can have a car (super expensive) and establish yourself here

-Talk to your family who lives here and see if they are willing to support you in someway

-Don't leave for Turkey with nothing in your hands, figure out your life there then plan it for here.

-Be fluent in Turkish before you come (it helps greatly)

-Don't leave the city your family has, Turkey is reputation based and you are coming in as a stranger and you will need any sort of reputation to get anywhere here.


If you do some of this and build your life there than come here, it'll be easier in everyway for whatever you want.  Also know that most women marry 25+ so if you are younger, smaller chance to marry anyway if you were here.  Most of my single friends are 29+.  You really need to get the mentality of this place because basically all you wrote was 100% straight up American-mentality and you just won't be successful here if you don't get the differences.  Connect with your family in Turkey more, I'm sure they'd love you to move back and they will be your biggest help if you do that.

If you move too soon with no papers, no real reputation you aren't really trustworthy and you'll have a hard time in a lot of ways...it's not worth making your life so difficult because your life won't be spent talking to girls on a beach here.


Turks are judgemental, it's a fact and it's not just them all of Asia is like that.  You can't change how the system is here, you have to work with it because Turks won't ever change.  So yes you will be judged negatively and a lot of Turks will think you are crazy to move to Turkey because most think the US is much better.  You still have great hope to meet nice people here, but this isn't America, you had fun on vacations here but the actual innerworkings of Turkey are entirely different. 


Anyway that's my take on it.

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First of all, I am going to stay away from those girls who come from conservative families. Second of all, this month, I am going to talk with parents on concerning what to do with my life (I am debating on working on being a Small Business Owner, Insurance Agent or a Book Author, since I am writing a story). Third of all, I am not a heavy drinker, I only drink and smoke Hookah on a socially oriented basis. Fourth of all, if I ever move to Turkey, I will definitely live where my relatives are (Izmir), that is if I can seriously achieve doing so. Fifth of all, you might be right about things, just because I had a great time hanging out with my relatives and have had good times during the summer, doesn't mean everything will be so perfect and dandy and everything will be so rosy. Sixth of all, you pointed about saying that I might be a little crazy about considering moving to Turkey, especially with the unpredictable political climate there. Even though that is true and even though my uncle said the same thing to me, I have enjoyed seeing different sights, nonetheless. (More modern and upscale looking shopping malls compare to the USA, girls in the cities dress more classy then American girls, girls tend to be more confident them American girls, kids play in the neighborhood unlike how you see in boring suburban USA towns, the streets are more fun and the city centers are more densely populated, plus you have a lot more cultural activities and so on). I had a great time visiting my ancestral motherland and seeing my relatives nonetheless. Also, I am very nationalistic about both my ethnic backgrounds too. Seventh of all, I can speak Turkish even better then my older sister can and many of my relatives are impressed by my abilities. But my Turkish speaking needs to get to a point where I can speak like someone who was born and raised in Turkey.


Anyways, thanks for giving me a heads up about everything so far and how things work in Turkey. 


By the way, I had an incident where a daughter of my little cousin's babysitter started to kind of like me a little bit (she was like 8-9 years younger then me), but I wouldn't think of a romantic relationship with her due to the fact she has self confidence issues and also I wished for her to have more energy. But she could be cool to have as a friend though. But I wouldn't have a romantic relationship with her.


Another thing, if you live in different parts of Turkey, do people perceive things in a different way depending on which part of the country you live in. (Like, does a person from Izmir culturally think differently then a guy from Sanliurfa or Diyarbakir?)

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Another thing, if you live in different parts of Turkey, do people perceive things in a different way depending on which part of the country you live in. (Like, does a person from Izmir culturally think differently then a guy from Sanliurfa or Diyarbakir?)


Absolutely. This is a generalization, but I can definitely say that people in Izmir tend to be much more liberal and worldly, there is a lot of European influence there. And they are proud of that. In fact, from Ottoman times, it had a nickname "Infidel Izmir." Other cities and towns down the Aegean coast are similar to Izmir, but less westernized


When I first asked that same question many years ago when I first came to Turkey, a friend of mine gave me a rule of  thumb: "The farther east you get, the more like Iraq, Iran, and Syria it becomes." I've lived as far east as Adana, and to me that seemed to be true. An exception might be Ankara, but I don't know that for sure.


Even Istanbul for the most part can be quite conservative, except for Beyoğlu and Taksim and areas around there. That's because for centuries these were the places were the Europeans lived.


I noticed that, south of Izmir and in the cities and towns down the Aegean coast, you don't see too many local women around (as is common in Izmir). The women you see there are mostly all foreign tourists. So even if a city or town is very touristy, it doesn't mean the locals are western-minded.


That is just my perception, if anybody has a different one, please share!

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To further on Ken's point.


Each city almost has a distinct culture, and Izmir is very anti-religious which is why I avoid those places (being a staunch Muslim myself).  The further East you go, the more conservative it is. It's also less open-minded as well which is unfortunate.  Then again all political parties here aren't open-minded...open-mindedness is a rarity here.


Ankara is a weird exception since it's a lot of non-religious vs. religious here and it's very tense...and some of it is borderline stupid I mean I see girls wear miniskirts in a snowstorm just to prove their ideology.  Then they act like they aren't cold which is even funnier.


Istanbul is a weird exception, add basiktas region as non-religious too Ken since the more high powered, richness meant less religion as well.  Which is funny because in America it seems the poor and wealthy are most religious, here it's opposite.


To be honest abi you have some issues that I'm really upset about.  What's your deal with self-conscious women, some of the most confident looking are the most insecure.  Knowing a womans true confidence shows overtime and frankly isn't your business anyway since confidence is not only situational but fluctuating.  In a sense American women have a bit more confidence since they aren't fussing over clothing and looks, they cake on way more makeup and everyone wears highheels due to their insecurity of their height.  So wrong.  Just because you dress well doesn't speak of your inner confidence, it's just a mask.  And like I said if you are so judgemental I wonder what sort of woman is even confident around you at all?


I'm sad to see you didn't inherit the charm/manners that a real Turkish man has over women because you remind me of a stereotypical douchebag being so critical of women.  Usually the people who are overly critical of others are the ones with the most inner problems.


Izmir will be fine for you since as Ken pointed out it's more European-like where Turks drink more and smoke, which would not be very common place in areas like Diyarbakir where I don't even think you'd survive well due to the religiousness of it.  My advice is stay on the coastline and I wouldn't think to move inward as you would have a harder time fitting in, sure you can find people who drink and do those things in Ankara but few admit they do, even the few people I know who go to clubs hide that fact as much as possible.  That's because this is Ankara.  And as Ken and I said each city has it's own culture.  Izmir or Antalya is easiest for you for sure.


Even if Turkish women are the type to drink/smoke in Izmir you still need a house/car/future for them to be interested, maybe some will date you but long-term won't happen unless you make some sort of solid commitment here.  My advice is the same earn some sort of degree in Turkey since they love American degrees so much here, and that will allow you more flexibility.  Think heavy on it because if it doesn't work out here restarting your life in America will be insanely difficult.

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We have had quite a spate of people asking for advice on how to approach this matter.


My advice to bigk (and to the other enquirers) would be to stop focusing on dating women and concentrate on making friends with people, both male and female. People need friends much more than they need lovers.


If you concentrate on being friendly, decent and kind and show interest in other people as real people you will have many happy relationships.


If you deal with people rather than stereotypes you will also find that religion need not be a barrier to real friendship.

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-You need to have a degree


-A job in Turkey

-An apartment/house or the money to have it

-Steady finances and potential to pay for a nice wedding

-A car

-Long-term security


These six criteria of Wanderlust's are very interesting. When ı started going out with mrs Fil I only scored one out of six. I am wondering how we managed.

Fil my friend, I am a person that doesn't make stuff look obvious. I try to strike simple conversations with people usually and I come of as "friendly, decent and kind" as you said. I am simply trying to educate myself on issues. Nothing more, nothing less. I am just an inexperienced little kid just learning about life, lol.

That's good, then, just enjoy your time with turkish people and have fun. there are getting on for 80 million of them, so they are a very diverse bunch of people, you are bound to find people you get on with if you give it time.

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I gave an example of Izmir because one my parents were born there actually, that's why. But I am just curious about things and want to simply learn that is all. I have heard many stories of Chinese American kids born and raised in the USA living in China, as well as Japanese American kids born and raised in the USA living in Japan, plus Vietnamese American kids moving to Vietnam and so on, so I guess hearing such stories inspired me to look into moving to Turkey and be more closer to my relatives, in a way. We will see what happens over the next few months, and eventually, next few years.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Being American (albeit with a Turkish background) will win you lots of brownie points with some Turkish girls. I know a lot of foreign guys in Turkey who married beautiful, lovely Turkish girls and had none of those houses/cars pointed out as essential before. 


You're young, right? Why be so fixated on finding a Turkish girl? If you want to come and stay here for a while, come, work, study (maybe you could study here?), make friends, improve your Turkish and if you happen to meet someone, then great. If not, you can have a great time anyway. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

It's wonderful to hear that you want to explore your Turkish heritage and think about living in Turkey.

Although I am Turkish born, I lived outside of Turkey all of my life. Just like you, I felt an incredible warmth when I visited Turkey and spent time with relatives, this also played an important part in my decision to move here after living abroad for so many years. That warmth changed after staying with relatives for 3 months - I found myself looking to move away as soon as possible. It has been mentioned in other posts that many Turks consider foreigners to be virtual banks, I tend to agree with that sentiment, seeing relatives are great but only in small doses.

Have you completed your military service ? That's another very important part of being a Turkish male.

Do see the rest of Turkey, it is an incredibly beautiful country, travelling will also broaden your horizons and expose you to the different cultures that reside within Turkey, you never know, you may meet someone while travelling.

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