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HELP Long distance relationship between British girl and Turkish guy

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well I met my boyfriend in July 2013, when I went on holiday to antalya with my mum and friend. Everyone who has visited turkey knows that the guys are known for flirting with girls and this happened with many of the waiters and entertainment team etc, giving me flowers or cocktails and asking me to go out of the resort with them. Obviously to this I was like HELL NO, but there were a few that didn't flirt AT all and were just soo friendly and kind and helpful (my boyfriend being on of these rare few). In fact, he hardly spoke to me unless I went near the bar and he would just always smile at me and say hi and how are you. I kept thinking he was soooo handsome but that of course he wouldn't flirt with someone like me. he actually even talked to me for his friend, saying his friend liked me and so on. However, I found out later that he actually DID like me, he just didn't want to talk to me Becasue his friend was interested. anyway, on the last day we were say at the bar and he gavel and my mum a hug, and then once home we talked sometimes on facebook. We talked as friends for many weeks, just getting to know him. Many waiters stayed in touch after, but all seemed to always want something, and then stopped after a while (presumably when the next girl staying at the hotel caught their eye). But with him I got to know him better than I had known anyone in just a short time. after a month or so of just talking, one of his friends who I was also in contact with told me mucahit liked me, much more than a friend, but that he was nervous as he didn't know if I felt the same.

Of course I did feel the same, but I didn't want to rush into anything, so we remained friends. Then as I got to know him even more, it became harder to force myself to be friends with him, so that is when our relationship started.

It was great, however a bombshell hit a few weeks later, when he said he would talk to me on his other Facebook account (his old one) because he thought someone was always going on his Facebook, even when he changed his password all the time. But anyway,

I did, and he basically blocked me from his other Facebook. However, on my messages it still showed his profile picture, which had changed to him and a girl. I asked my friend to go on his profile and sure enough it was true. I was heartbroken and asked him to tell me there was some good explanation. he kept apolologising, saying how sorry he was, and he explained that a girl he was seeing (before me) whom he slept with, had messaged him saying she was pregnant (this was at

Least 2 months after they had had sex apparently) and that she loved him wanted his baby. apparently he told her he was happy

With me and she told him to block me, for the baby. obviously this is just what I have been told, although I know Turkish people are big on families, and he said he just wanted to do the right thing if it was his baby. Apparently he found out she was lying and he blocked her, and said that he didn't want to lose me.

After him basically willing to do ANYTHING to prove how sorry he was And that he had never meant for any of it to happen, I slowly becan to forgive him, and I still loved him, even though he hurt me. And I know you will all think I'm the easiest girl I've when I say I got back with him.. But it's not that simple when you're in love with someone.

After that, he never lied to me about anything like that, and although we fight (like any couple) we are really happy. My

Family and friends aren't very supportive, they tell me he's probably messaging lots of different girls, but often we talk way too much for there to be time for him to talk to anyone else, and I feel I can trust me not to me about his life or anything because we send photos to eachother all the time (even just of what we are doing at that time) and I have seen photos of all his family, and talked to his mum and sister on Facebook. They seem like a pretty modern Turkish family.. Although of course they are Muslim.

Basically, we have now been together for over 1 year, and we are very

In love, and I trust him with all my heart. tbh, if he had a load of other girls he was talking to, he would have stopped being in contact with me months ago, because I'm so stubborn and hard to deal with sometimes :P he would have told me to f**k off and he would have gone with some other girl, but he's still here.

He does boxing, but he wants to go to university to learn English so he can become an English teacher. Although now his English is amazingly good for a foreign person, and even better since we started talking more and more.

He applied for a visa to come to England for October half term (this year) but he didn't get it :( something to do with the face he has family here, but has never travelled alone before (he just turned 18) and he had to be working in the SAME job for over 3 months.. Is this right??? but he changed jobs and didn't realise. Sooo he's going to reaply and hopefully come next summer. BUT the plan is for me to go over there for new year this year. However, although I have met him I have never met his friends or family, let alone travelled alone before, although I have travelled plenty around the world with my mum. So I'm reluctant to go there first, because of the stories you hear about girls going over to foreign countries.. but u trust him with all my heart, we call eachother, skype and send random photos all the time, he has never pressured me into doing anything especially about going over there. He told me that if it will make me scared or if it will cause problems with my family then not to come, he just wants me to be happy. I'm sure he will treat me really

Good, and we have even planned to take a weekend trip to alanya maybe so we can spend someme time alone without all his family around :P btw I'm 17 almost 18 ( will be 18 at time of travel) and he turned 18 in July. :) any thought on this would be greatly appreciated, as I'm in a slight pickle, I trust him with all my heart but I haven't always been the best at making good life choices :/.

also, if I'm 17 when I actually BOOK the flight but will be 18 at the time of the flight, will I need parental permission for uk airlines? Eg thomas cook?? Thankyou so much, and I will be incredibly shocked if anyone actually reads through all of this long and draw out essay!!! thankyou, just need a bit of feedback tbh

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The whole facebook thing would really put me off. There are lots of Turkish guys who have multiple facebook accounts and it's nearly always related to having different girlfriends and playing them all.

 

I mean I wish you all the best but what future do you actually see for this relationship? He's not going to be able to move to the UK. Are you considering moving there? Are you in education?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I would be worried about the facebook issue, especially when he changed his profile pic to himself and this other girl.. you could always ask him for his passwords. my friend had a simular issue and her boyfriend gave her his password and she read all the messages from his other girl and could see that he did tell her to go away.

 

in regards to the visa, i think you need to double check why it was rejected cos they dont need to be in the same job or a year. my friends boyfriend got a visa and he hadn't even got a job at the time he applied for the visa and didnt have one to go back to.

 

my boyfriend has got a job and is applying now but cos they work the season over their its very rare for them to have the same job for a whole year.

 

they do need to show they have an income too though... he wont be able to come to england to study, its hard enough getting them over just for a visit nevermind to study. Also, given that you're only 17 wont go in your favour cos you have to prove that you can accomodate them whilst they are over here, so if you dont have your own place and income it will be difficult. not impossible but you will have a battle on your hands hun. you would have to show that your parents are willing to accomodate him and prove that you live with them etc.

 

in regards to the thomas cook thing about booking a flight, you are best checking with them directly,

 

i have flown out by myself to meet my boyfriend but have had friends in turkey so i feel safe and i am a little older than you hun.

 

good luck xx

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