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British girl and Turkish guy romance, advice greatly received.

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I'm not sure how to start these things at all but I'll try and sum everything up so I'm not boring yous lol

in August of this year I went to Marmaris and stayed at the same hotel i stayed at two years previous. I went with my parents as my 18th birthday present and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I mingled with a lot of people from different parts of England (I am scottish and never really met anyone from outside of Scotland apart from foreign countries). I stay in contact with them all now it was just great! anyways, so when I went to Turkey I had no intentions of romances or anything like that, just a relaxing holiday away from my home and work! I added a lot of the newer staff on facebook on the Sunday night after my birthday (first week almost over) and on the Monday night my - now boyfriend- added me too. we started chatting over facebook whilst he worked during the day and night in the hotel. we really hit it off and he was always waiting our tables and he knew I wasn't willing to tell my parents right away because I wasn't sure how they would react. we would speak all day and exchange glances. I would be lying by the pool looking absolutely awful after having no make up on, wet hair and braces (yeah not confident about those haha) and he would always come out of the bar to be able to smile at me. any chance he got, he would walk past and touch my arm or just smile and say hiya.

he begged to meet up outside of the hotel and I was really reluctant due to stories and the old tales I've heard about Turkish guys. that's when I told my parents that I did quite fancy him and would want to go and hang out with him. so on his night off we went out to a local bar and I did pay just for the drinks, which he was very very unhappy about (it was supposed to be the park we met but I took him to a bar beside it - just for my own reassurance). however, he's not the best English but we got on really well, we laughed and smile the whole night and I just had butterflies. like hardcore butterflies!

I left a week after we started speaking we still message everyday and webcam as much as we can and its going great. I speak to one of his best friends who told me when I was there that he (boyfriend) speaks about me all the time and he's never seen him so happy etc! his best friend has now left the hotel to go back home and they still speak and his best friend tells me that he still speaks great things about me!

I am not a religious person but I told my boyfriend I dont believe in premarital sex. I'm not in judgement of those who do at all, it's just something I've wanted to keep for myself (if that makes any sense). I might change my mind on that when I go out to see him again but he was very understanding that I have not and do not plan on sleeping with anyone until marriage. he has openly said he's been in a long distance relationship before and that he has previously had sex with someone which never bothered me at all. (he's 21).

I'm not sure where I'm going with his actually but any advice I would be so happy to receive, or if there is any girls dating Turkish guys from Marmaris please message me so we can speak on Facebook or something and hopefully meet up one day. none of my friends really understand it, they're not judgemental, but they just don't get it because they've never been in a relationship like this before so it would be nice to meet and talk to some people that do!

Rebecca xx

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Hi Rebecca,

 

I'm no expert on relationships with Turkish men. I have been to Turkey only once on a cruise. But, from what I have read here on Turkey Central, the long term relationship success rate between women from the UK and Turkish men is very low. Seems like 1 in 10 may have a long term success. That is just what I seen here. Also, if you marry him, it appears you also marry his family. Most of the questions on this web site about relationships are about Turkish men and not about expat men they meet in Turkey. Why does it always seem to be a nice Turkish waiter that so many girls meet? Very few profressional Turkish men do I read questions about.

 

I hope others can help you with your questions.

 

All the best,

Candie

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Hiya Candie, thank you very much for the reply. I understand what you're seeing! at the moment I am very happy with the relationship and learning new things everyday, as is my boyfriend. hopefully we are in the 1 in 10 but only the future knows! thank you again Candie, very much appreciated. he would be marrying my family too as they are very loud and involved LOL! xx

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Everyone thinks that their romance is the "One in Ten" but unfortunately it's not the case.  

Getting involved with anyone in a different country and especially a different culture needs to be taken VERY slowly and a lot of research done about the differences. It's so easy when you think you are in love to minimise these differences but these are the things that turn relationships sour.

You must remember that getting involved with a Turk means that you are getting involved with the whole family, which is very different (believe me) form UK culture.

I would suggest that you find the thread "What makes a marriage to a Turk work," and read it carefully.

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Where do you really expect this relationship to go?

 

Butterflies are really powerful, even more so when you're on holiday and it's more exciting, but sometimes it's best to leave it at that. I don't mean to be negative but it's hard enough to make any relationship work, but when you're in different countries it's even worse. As a Turk he's not going to be able to come to the UK easily, and do you really want to give up your life to go there? I know some girls do do that, but it always makes me sad...back in the UK, they could be getting higher education, learning skills, basically enjoy being a young person in a free society but in Turkey they often become quasi housewives. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi there,

I met my bf in marmaris and i have a few friends who have also met their boyfriends/partners and husbands in marmaris. There is a facebook group called 'I married a turkish man and we are still together' lots of people share their experiences and relationships on there.

It is incredibly hard having a relationship with a guy in a different country, especially turkish coz there is a language barrier and a massive culture difference. Some relationships dont work and are just a holiday romance but i guess in time you will know.

Be careful hun cos they will always tell you that they have never been so happy before and you are there life and before you know it they will tell everyone that you are their wife (not all but some do).

Has he done this national service yet? that could be a strain on you both if he hasnt cos he has to do it for a year and you wont be able to see him until he has done it.

 

good luck xx

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  • 2 weeks later...

I left a week after we started speaking we still message everyday and webcam as much as we can and its going great. I speak to one of his best friends who told me when I was there that he (boyfriend) speaks about me all the time and he's never seen him so happy etc! his best friend has now left the hotel to go back home and they still speak and his best friend tells me that he still speaks great things about me!

Hi bexxy,

 
I can assure you that the possibility of getting success in a long- distance relationship is very low. If you are really expecting a magical thing to happen from this internet relationship, then you are really fooling yourself. 
 
I have experienced a similar thing to your story. I have tried to keep contact with a Hungarian girl who I met in Turkey. I loved her very much but never had a chance to visit her in Hungary and she never had a chance to come here again so far. 
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