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Live together? Long distance relationship. Need advice, please :)

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I need some advices.


To make the story short;


I met a turkish man in May in Alanya. Met, of course, at a club. He was in Alanya at a holiday.

We had a great week together and I went back to Turkey in September to meet him. I had my sister with me. We stayed in Alanya again.  

I am going back in November to meet his family and I am staying in Turkey for two more weeks. I ahve told him that before we do anything he has to visit me in Norway and meet my family also. So he can meet them and also get a more understanding of where I come from and my culture. And if we ever going to move here (if not I moving to Turkey) he can see how the country is first.  

I am 29 and he is 32 years old.


We have been talking about what we should do, b/c if the relationship should work for å long time one of us got to move. I am a social worker and I don't know how to speak turkish (but I can learn), so I think it will be hard for me to get work in Turkey. But in Norway... if you want to get a job you almost need an education 99% of the time. So I think it would be hard for him to get a job here. And he need to learn Norwegain of course.


The one thing that scares me is to not know. Should I let go of my life here, sell my apartment, quit my job to an uncertain future? Or should he?

I also have study loan that I need to pay, so I need a job if I am moving to Turkey in the future. I can't ask him to pay for my debt.


But I think I have found a middleway ;)


I have the right to get unpaid permition from work if I want to study some more. I can study online. I was thinking of Sociology or maybe Journalism for one year. I can rent out my apartment for a year and live in Turkey. I will, of course, get more study loan. I not shure if I can get a visa for a year?
But then me and my boyfriend will figure out if we are right for eachother, the normal - everyday life we will experience together ++.
And if I do this next autumn I think I have what I need with the salary per year ++ if we want to move to Norway and he must apply for a visa.

I don't know... I haven't told him about my idea yet. He wants us to get married and say that we can live in Turkey or Norway. It is up to me where we are going to live.


When I go back in November we have to figure this out.


What should we do?

What have you been doing if you have been in a relationship with someone who lives in a different country?


I will be happy for the respons and advice from you! Anything will help because I am lost and my brain is tired of all the thinking.


PS! This wasn't so short after all. Sorry about that! :)



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I am really into him :)

And one of us got to move if this is going to work.

I am wondering how others do it? Do you just jump right into it? Just move and think that everything will work out? Did you have any loans?

If I am going to move to Turkey I will still have my study loan that I got to pay off every month. I got to sell my appartment and that will cover the loan for the apartment. How about work?

And it' hard to get work in Norway.

I have read blogs, but they don't say anything about debt/loan. I can contact them also of course.

I will talk to him when I go to Turkey in November about this. I want to talk about it face to face and not over the phone. I just wanted others opinion because this is new to me.

But thank you, yalandunya! :)

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Sounds like you've got a good plan! Renting your apartment sounds better than selling it, as property never really depreciates unless the building isn't maintained. As well if it's in a great location don't sell. Apartments in Norway are very luxurious from what I remember, compared to what you get in Turkey.tongue.png  You can also work here as an English teacher if you speak it well enough. I've worked with non-native teachers. Maybe you can try to land a Teaching job before you get here & still study online part time.



What have you been doing if you have been in a relationship with someone who lives in a different country?


I will be happy for the respons and advice from you! Anything will help because I am lost and my brain is tired of all the thinking.



I was married for years before I moved to Turkey to meet and live with his family. I think it's a culture shock for most of us. It will all depend on your pesonality and how you decide to precieve everything. I first moved to a small village like town in Izmir. Turks are over friendly & hospitable it was smouldering and I had no privacy at times. During ramadan holidays many neighbours would enter my bedroom at 4-5am to see me, while I was asleep!!! I still say it was like National geograpic tongue.png  Try not to live with the in-laws, rent isn't much in Turkey, so you can have privacy and more control over what happens. There was another time I came home to see some relatives trying on my wedding dresses eek%5B1%5D.gif ... only in Turkey LOL birgits_coffee%5B1%5D.gif It's all really what you make of it.

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Thank you for your reply and advices, YabanciGirl! :)

If we decide that I am going to stay there first for 10-12 month, I will rent out my apartment.

If we find out that I am going to move for real to Turkey I will have that in mind - renting it out and not selling. It is in centrum in my city, so it is perfect for a single person, a student ++.

You can work as a English teacher without having the education for teaching English? Hmm... I will check this out and see if I speak English well enough! ;):)

Wow.. That happened to you? Lol..

I don't know what I would do if that happened to me. It is so over my intimacy zone that someone would came in to my bedroom an see me sleep :P

And what about your weddingdress? Wow.. I just have to smile when I read that! Lol..

I think we are going to stay at his family for 5 days or so when I am coming in November. I am very excited and nervous about that! Because I am meeting his family for the first time, a different culture, I am used to live alone so it would be strange to be with people all the time (without when I am in the bathroom ;) ).

And also because this time we need to find out what we need to do and make a plan to do it. Not having our life on hold anymore! Exciting and nervous :)

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  • 2 months later...



I hope meeting the family and making plans for the future worked out fine smile.png


I am a Norwegian girl dating a Turkish guy. He is 27, I am 34. We have dated 15 months, I have been to Turkey a lot during that time. I have met his family and friends. We are currently applying for his visitor visa to stay in Norway for a couple of weeks.


I heard that Turkey is getting stricter on long term visas, especially for younger people who don't own property in Turkey. if you are going to stay in Turkey for a full year you will need to marry him first, or get a job. You can't apply for a student visa in Turkey unless you actually study with a Turkish university (and you need to know Turkish to do that).


I am not sure you can teach English if you don't have an education in English or something on a similar level, still the main thing is you have to get a job offer before you enter Turkey. Maybe your boyfriend can ask around what qualifications they need at schools in his area.


I am also looking at possible jobs in Turkey because living there for shorter or longer time is one of the possabilities we consider. I don't think I speak Turkish well enough to make use of the language in a job, however I am taking classes in the language so I could reach that level later on. Also just being in Turkey helps when you want to learn.


As for Turkey in the countryside....yes, everyone is nosy and expects you to share, that is just the way it is. I used to feel private about my things and my secrets, but now I am like..what is the point! As long as I have what I need... I don't feel the need for "Norwegian" personal property like I did. I feel a sense of security knowing that if I need something or I am curious about something, it can be taken care of because I get to be nosy about others, too! smile.png  I agree that living on one's own is important though, because everyone is going to "eat" all the rest of you, so that couple's privacy is neccesary. I have met his family and stayed in a bedroom with his mum on the other side of that wall. I feel like language is the biggest issue to deal with, anything cultural you can learn, but to have real communication you have to know the language. Turks generally don't speak English very well, my MIL doesn't know a word of English and having people translate gets tiring. On the upside, I used to be afraid to learn Turkish but after I understood how little I could commuicate with my MIL I found I just had to start learning the language...


I think for us, since he has some education and work experience, if he learns Norwegian he might use our network to get a job offer in Norway. Coming to study is another option. Language is very important, though. I have friends with foreign husbands who struggle to integrate, and language is always an issue there. Norwegian is not an easy language, so the sooner he starts learning, the better. The way I see it, too, learning the language of the other is always useful, because no matter where we will live permanently, we will have to communicate with relatives on visits etc. I love Turkey, so ideally I would want us to have jobs that would allow us to somehow switch between living in Turkey and Norway. Which I kind of do now... I go to him to study part time, about 1 week a month.

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