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sharonl

advice about what to have to eat when my niece's boyfriend, who is from Turkey comes to my house for dinner

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Hi.

 My niece wants  her boyfriend to slowly meet her family, since we are pretty big and can be outspoken,  then it won't be so overwhelming when they come to her grandparents house for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

My husband, son and I are next in line. My niece isn't answering her text messages lately, since she is on cloud nine.

 

Knowing that he is Muslim, are there any restrictions as to what can be eaten ? I'm not  cooking anything, gonna order a party pizza along with some chicken wings. For dessert, brownies, pie, and ice cream with a make your own sundae bar. Becca, my niece has mentioned that her boyfriend is somewhat, still a religious person.  If the menu will not approve, lots of suggestions would be great.

 

 Also a little off topic, I have ?'s about if a Muslim is not secular, and still practices their religion, is it common to date someone who is not of their religion? Is it frowned upon?

       

   

            Sharon

 

 

PS I almost forgot, since it is nearly Veterans Day, if there are any veterans on this forum, thanks for your service and all your sacrifices. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As he is religious then Alcohol is a no-no,

 

Alternative menu can be fish - I am not sure about Shellfish plus the comments by clinky

 

 

is it common to date someone who is not of their religion? Is it frowned upon?

 

No problem as long as your religion is the same as "people of the book" i.e. Mono-theistic.

 

Can't help about the veterans

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Hi, 

 thanks for the advice. After reading that the food might have to be halal, which seems very similar to keeping kosher, I was apprehensive, although my niece told me not to worry. She said she would help me with the order.

I know it's me just being silly, but when I first got married, my hubby's uncle ( who is an observant Jew ,who keeps kosher) came to our house for dinner, somehow one of the things I made especially for him got mixed up with something that was non kosher.  After he found out, he got really sick. It was awful, even though he was nice about it and told us not to worry.

 Decided to play it safe with my niece's boyfriend and had them pick out a restaurant to go to, so he could order off the menu and get whatever he could eat. Didn't want to take any chances and be responsible for him throwing up.

 

     Everything turned out ok, had a pretty good time, the biggest plus was no one threw up lol 

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Can't go wrong with vegetarian, so the meat's not a worry.  Just be careful about knives.  If you order a pizza, for example, don't have them cut it.  They could use a dirty cutter that just went through a pepperoni pizza.

 

Also, watch the sauces and baking, since some stuff may have wine or extracts in an alcohol base.

 

I'd suggest the guy and girl discuss their plans of the future regarding religion.  I'd tend to think a seriously practicing Muslim would want her to convert...  We had that conversation WAY early on...  It would a be a shame for them to get too far into it without that serious discussion.  It's not going to go away...

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Hi tater tot,

 

thanx for the suggestions too.

 

 I agree with u 100% about them seriously considering their religious differences and issues before getting to far in the relationship.  So far as I know nothing has been mentioned to my niece about her converting. It is still very early in their relationship.

 

   I am concerened because even though he only somewhat practices his religion now, things can change. They seem to both be very much in that honey moon stage at the moment.  so these differences are not priority. I am subtllety  

 

thanx tater tot for the suggestions 

I agree with u 100% about them seriously discussing where this religion issue may go, Right now they are both in that honey moon stage, so to them that issue is on the back burner. When I do get a chance to talk to my niece ,I carefully mention these things to her.

 

Many times after having a child together, is when religion and family customs really become more of a priority, if they get married and to that point.

 

A big plus is that the relationship is still in the very early phase,  but of course that is the best time to address those things.

 

 My niece is in my prayers big time right now. Her parents r worried, they have to walk on eggshells around her, when they try to bring up some of their concerns, she misreads that as them being judgmental.  As her aunt, she lets me say more to her. I still have to tread lightly.

 

 Wow kids can drive u Posted Image

sorry for the repeat post, I rewrote it over cause I thought I lost it

 

computers can drive u nuts too!!!

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I think it's very telling that your niece gets defensive.  It's probably because she has the SAME concerns, but is blissfully sticking her head in the sand.

 

I think we had "the talk" after the first few dates, just to make sure we are on the same page.  I suggest she do that NOW, NOW, NOW.  If he runs, then it wasn't meant to be.  Otherwise, why do it too far in and THEN have a lot of pain to deal with.

 

I'd suggest her doing it now since the Christmas season is upon us.  You better believe if they get serious, Christmas will need to be addressed.  If just the THOUGHT of her life changing gets her upset, then it's not a good sign.  I mean, what if he doesn't want a tree?  "Little" things like that can take a relationship down.

 

You think PIZZA's an issue???  That's NOTHING.

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I would go with vege stuff. When I go to my parents she just gives us a vege alternative and often does a buffet so that we don't have to feel different we just don't take the meat stuff. Always always make sure there is no pork that has touch the food or utensils. Although it's like kosher it's different so don't order kosher food as it won't be be halal. Regarding the frowning on religion. My partners family never had an issue however my family were worried he would 'convert' me but that's is actually frowned about in Islam as it should be because of a person that someone decides to accept Islam. I agree that they need to have the conversation now and not later. In a previous relationship (non Turkish) I had a really hard break up as we realised after 7 and a half years we wanted different things.

I feel very fortunate to have met my hubby as we do want the same thing but it was horrible and I wouldn't want your niece to go through that especially if she's this loved up all ready Xx

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Thanks for the kind reply Linda 

 

 As of now my niece is not dating anymore, so there's no worries anymore. It is not easy to love and care about all your nieces and nephews and worry so much about things.  I must say I was pretty scared for my niece after reading about some of the young girls who have trusted too much and have gotten so hurt.

 

 being a trusting person myself and always looking for the good in people I was so scared that I might have given my niece some horrible advice, it was heartbreaking to read some of the stories of these young girls and I was so afraid my niece could be hurt like that. 

   

 Thank you to everyone that has given advice and for being caring.  I wish you all the best. May God bless you all.

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