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ash88

Etiquette when meeting the parents...

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I had a CZ ring for an engagement, too.  But one of the stones fell out.  : (  It was too big, anyway.

 

Diamonds are so expensive, anyway.  I'd put the $$$ away as a down payment for a house...  But I did tell my hubby that one day, I was some real sparkles.  When we've got money coming out our @sses, then he'll have to cough up!

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Yes, minely is hugely too big! Tugrul tried it on my stemum to help him choose one but neither of them realised I have really tiny fingers! Haha!

 

At the moment I've wrapped thread around it to stop it falling off. To be honest I think that diamond can be over-rated and I live dainty little pretty jewellery... perhaps we could replace it with one that fits but not necessarily go for a diamond... That way we have something that fits that we can exchange at the engagement.

 

Perhaps one day when we're both settled (wherever that ends up being) and we have our first çocuk, Tugrul can get me a sparkly eternity ring :)

 

Haha! Definitely would hold him to that if I were you! ;)

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Haha!! I know you're right! But I'll dream for a little while yet ;) hehe!

 

Then I'm sure reality will come crashing down on me like a tonne of bricks! :excl:

Sorry, my stepdad's just put a thought in my head... I was planning on taking some honey for Tugrul's mum (from my very own honey bees), but he's said maybe I'll have problems at the airport...

 

Does anybody know if you can take honey into Turkey? I would have it in my luggage as it'll be more than 100ml, but travelling alone, I don't want to be stopped by customs at Ataturk...

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A small token gift is always appreciated, for the mother at least. A nice gift from where you are from always goes down a treat. For some reason, I bought my MiL some jewelery and a 'bag for life' with the union-jack on it. She was taken aback by the jewelry but the bag was a definite winner. She still carries it with her whenever she is visiting people and always tells people I bought it for her.

 

I wouldn't kiss your boyfriend on the lips in front of her but  few pecks on the cheek to show affection always works. Always asks if she wants another drink of tea, or hard vodka (depending on her preference). Do this for your boyfriend as well to show you are looking after him, and it also shows her you are capable of looking after him. 

 

Giving up the bedroom is a tricky one for me, but also something my wife insists on. Even for my family when they come and visit.

 

Don't get too drunk and belt out Tina Turner. She'll book you your return flight, herself.

 

 

1] Never open another persons refrigerator [or cub boards]

2] never sneeze on your hands and not rush to the bathroom to wash your hands and say excuse me

3] never behave lewdly

4] never burp [unless you are in Japan]

5] never brush your shoes off on their carpet

6] never ask inappropriate questions

7] do not talk about religion [you never know you could start ww3]

8] do not say anything bad about other people

9] do not behave like an idiot

 

I hope I am not forgetting anything here.

Unless I am mistaken the 'engagement' ring is the same as the wedding ring. The engagement/wedding rings are exchanged ( by the couple getting engaged) at the engagement - after you get engaged, the ring is worn on the right hand instead of the left. 

 

I did not buy my wife 'an engagement' ring - maybe that is why I am paying the price now !!!!

Ouch you will never hear the end of it!

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Just a quick update. I'm now home from Istanbul and had the most wonderful time. Tugrul's family were absolutely wonderful and so welcoming.

 

Tugrul's mum absolutely loved her gift and I have been asked by all of his brothers to bring more honey in January as they loved it!

 

I met Tugrul's family on my 2nd night in Istanbul. We took to Dolmus and a taxi to his Mum's where she had his brothers, uncles, aunties and cousins round. Everybody made me feel so welcome and special. Out of respect I did the whole kissing hand thing, but gave me a massive hug and kisses. Quite overwhelming but lovely. His mum had made some amazing turkish food and we all sat to dinner together.Tugrul was very good at translating and keeping me involved and I spoke turkish where I could. (I definitely need to learn more!)

 

After dinner, his mum explained that her brother and his wife would act as my Anne & Baba and that we would do the whole engagement tradition.

 

First I served Bride's coffee to everyone, in the correct order, then I sat with my "Anne & Baba" and Tugrul sat with his mum and stepfather and asked permission to marry me. There was a lot of toing and froing, with my "Baba" saying that Tugrul could only marry me if he gave 10grams of gold. Tugrul was unable to pay and had to plead to marry me. I then had to tell my "Baba" that I wanted to marry him, that he was a good man and would look after me. It was all very funny and my "Anne and Baba" eventually gave their blessing.

 

Everyone kissed and hugged and Tugrul's mum brought out two beautiful, traditional, Turkish engagement rings, tied with a lovely ribbon. Tugrul did not know she had arranged this and actually cried himself. She then put the rings on us, blessed us and cut the ribbon. It was such an amazing moment and one that neither of us will forget. After hugs, kisses and a few tears, Tugrul then joked that now I have to live with my "Anne & Baba" until we're married. No living together! Haha! 

 

His family are all very modern and relaxed. We drank raki together and as a surprise, Tugrul's brother dressed in Tugrul's mum's dress and gave us all a belly dance!! It was positively hilarious!! One of the best nights of my life.

 

I visited them a couple of times after, during my trip. On one occassion, Tugrul's mum read my coffee and was scarily accurate! She told Tugrul regularly that she loves me and has contacted me on facebook since my return to tell me herself. She even bought me a gift of a jumper and thermal leggings before I left (Tugrul told her that it's cold in England! Haha!).

 

The whole trip was wonderful and living with Tugrul for the 9 days in his own environment (not at his summer job at the hotel) definitely gave me a view into what life will be like with him, and the same for him with me. It's only cemented how we feel about eachother and leaving on this occassion was so difficult for both of us. I really don't know how people do these LDR's for so long because we find it so hard to be apart from each other. The next time I see Tugrul will be the end of January, when we complete his fiance visa application. I'm hoping with Christmas, moving home and sorting papers, etc for the visa, it will all keep me busy and the time will go quickly.

 

I'm so grateful to everybody on this forum for all of your advice over the months. Of course if you have any further advice to give I will take it on board gratefully and if anybody has any questions for me then I'm happy to help.

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Thank you ladies! It was positively wonderful and his family are amazing!! I'm so relieved!!!

 

Now the hard work starts! Posted Image

Gotta see the bazaar.  And I don't know why, but I'm a fiend when it comes to Islak Burgerler!

 

I had these in Taksim and they became a staple of our diet after drinks!! Amazing!! And as we were a 2 minute walk from Taksim square, if we got the munchies after movie and beer night in, Tugrul would round a grab a couple of these! He eats and eats! But I have to say, they are amazing! And so are the muscles they sell on the street! The lemon juice cuts right through the awful alcohol aftertaste! It's perfect! :)

 

I'm pretty sure I gained a few pounds whilst I was there but it was definitely worth it! x

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Aw glad to hear it went well. It is really great that the family warmed to you as it is really important for your marriage that you have a good relationship with the family especially his mother. I am sure you will have more chances to get to know them as they seemed to really like you!

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