ash88

Very early days but looking for advise

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Hi Olivia! Welcome to the club!! Posted Image

I too am usually a very level-deaded person and for me to carry through with a holiday romance or to even think about a long distanc relationship is completely out of character for me. I am usually such a cynic and have to admit I would probably have rolled my eyes at even my own story before my trip to Turkey this year! I'm usually extremely careful with my emotions and relationships and I am still trying to carry on being so, even with the Turkish charm!

I think only you can say what is right for you but I'm sure if you can give us some details then then the very helpful people on this site would happy give you some advice.

For me, it is so-far-so-good and I am very happy. It's very easy to get swept up and carried away with things but I am trying to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. I'm very lucky to have a very supportive family and my stepmum is turkish, so she has given me a lot of support and even had her dad (in Turkey) looking into things for me.

I would say, just think about your circumstances, his story and background and what you have to lose. Then decide whether you are willing to take the risk. For me, I am in a position where I have nothing to lose and after reading into everything 100 times more than I would with a british boyfriend, I decided I was willing to take a chance. Just taking things slowly for now and seeing where things lead, while still keeping my eyes open to any warning signs.

What is your man like? Is there a large age gap between you? What does he do for a living? How did you meet? Anything you can give us :)

All the best x

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Thanks a million for your quick response. I'm 35 and he is 28. I'm not too bothered about the age as I'm quite young in my outlook and am always told I look young too. I met him in the first night when he served us in a restaurant. I thought he was very nice but really didnt think any more of it. Then on our second night, while walking along the street, we bumped into him. It was actually me who asked him to recommend a good place to go and himself and his friend ended up joining us. We ended up having a great evening and chatted all evening about our different cultures and it didn't seem at all like a pick up. I was surprised when he kissed me at the end of the evening but them that was it for the two weeks. When he wasnt working, we spent all our free time together and just really hit it off. By the end of the holiday we were saying how crazy we were about each other. To be honest I probably thought it would just dwindle out when I came home but it's the opposite. We ring each other on our breaks from work and then usually Skype from home for an hour in the evenings when he is finished with work. Unlike you I'm not in my twenties( very jealous!!) and would like to settle down and have children so time is not endless for me. I've also spent a huge amount of my twenties and thirties working long hours to get where I have in my career. He has just been offered a 6 month contract to work on one of the cruise ships which he said will be great for his career but is unsure as whether to take it as he says we are the most important thing for him. I know people say you should trust your heart and go with what feel rights and if your having doubts there must be something wrong but to be honest before I went to turkey I had a preconceived ideas about Turkish men looking for visas and money so don't know if I'm letting my old ideas affect my judgement of him. I told him on our last night of my fears but felt I should be honest. He was quite hurt but said he understood but this wasn't the case. That he had a good life in turkey and would be prepared to come to Ireland for a short time but ultimately wanted to be in turkey.

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Hi Olivia. My advice as always is to take things very very slowly and not to be rushed into anything. If your boyfriend has been offered a 6 month contract on a cruise ship I would encourage him to take it, as it means he will be able to save some money plus as he said it will be good for his career.

Good luck :)

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Thanks Abi! Yes I have told him he should take it. He has just sent off to get his passport updated so he will get a start date then. I figure if its meant to be then what's the rush. Its only a 6 month contract and we can reassess the situation then when it's over. I'm heading over there in August again for a week and he is taking the week off work also so we can spend some time together and to get to know each other a little more. He plans on introducing me to his family so I reckon then ill get a little more insight into his life and his upbringing. When I was there we talked a lot about what we wanted in life and although he could lose himself in his ideas about the future for us he was also quite level headed about it. I suppose just wait and see....

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I would advise not rushing into getting engaged, its all new at the minute so getting engaged seems like the right thing to do but you should spend time going back and getting to know him first. I've been with my Turkish boyfriend 2 years now and I'm still learning things about him. Take it slowly and just enjoy it for a bit first, both me and my bf are glad now that we have took our time to properly get to know each other inside out before we made any bug decisions. Hope it works out for you x

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hi Ash;

I'm a 28 years old Turkish man and would like to share my thoughts here.

First of all, you seem to be in love with this guy (Tugrul) and I'm happy for you two. However, I have to point out some issues that you may want to think about since you are thinking to marry him. I do not know the details of Tugrul or you, so I may be wrong but nonetheless I think I can help you thinking.

1. As far as you tell us, he works in service in tourism sector in Turkey in summer seasons. Additionally he works in Istanbul off seasons. I assume that he doesn’t have a university degree or even if he has one, his degree is not from a reputable university or a strong field like engineering, medical, etc. I don’t want to be judgmental but let me write you some facts about Turkey. It's a third world country and most of the university graduates cannot find a job here. Salaries of the service jobs like Turgul's is lower in contrast with UK. Good companies, which offer high salary and perks, require not only degrees from reputable universities but also expect the one to develop himself/herself further with foreign languages (English, German). The reason I'm mentioning these facts is that even though Turgul is 30 yo, he couldn’t be able to build a strong career for himself. Can you tell us what he meant with the "secure job in Istanbul" when he settles down with you? In Turkey, it is difficult to live an economically-comfortable life if you don’t have a high income. Briefly, life standards in Turkey are much lower than in UK and I do not think your relationship would survive if you live in Istanbul because of the economic stress and poor life standards. It may work in cities like Mugla (which has provinces like Bodrum,Fethiye, Marmaris etc.) or Antalya (Alanya, Kemer, Kaş) if you would be ok for a life in a touristic place (both in seasons and off seasons).

2. Has he completed his military service? this is a serious problem in Turkey and if he does not have a 4 year university degree, he has to go for 15 months for military duty. If he has a degree then he has to go for 5.5 months. If he hasn’t completed this duty, this may cause problems in your serious relationship. If he acquires work permission in UK and completes 3 years with a job with social security, he will have the right for buyout of his military duty.

3. In case of him to move to UK to live with you: firstly, he may not be able to get work permission in UK especially if he does not have a strong degree or set of skills. Even if he gets work permission, he may not find a job or one day he gets tired of homesick and wants you to move to Turkey with him. You may also have similar risks.

to be honest Tugrul doesn’t seem to me as a sound man but I think you will try to work this relationship (actually you already started and trying) and I wish you good luck.

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Hi Emreoz,

Thank you for your thoughts and questions. Although the engagement would be quick, I am insisting that we spend a lot of time together, getting to know each other over the next year before we confirm a marriage date, because although we have very strong feelings for each other, there is a lot we don't yet know about each other and there are a lot of things that we need to discuss and work out before we can build a life together.

Yes, he has only ever worked in the tourism sector and he did not go to university so his options are very limited. I am aware of his salary and and that finance would always be an issue, however being well off financially has never been an important factor in my life. My mother brought me up on her own, with no help from my father and she worked several jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. Although I know that in UK we barely scratch the surface of what it is like to struggle, but I am a hard worker and have explained to Tugrul that we would have to work very hard to get by. If he was to move here, the jobs available to him would still be very limited. He is keen to leave the tourist industry completely, but we are both at a loss as to what he would be able to do, whether here or in Turkey.

I have expressed my concerns to him that if he were to move to the UK, life would be very different and he may get bored of the fast pace, unfamiliar, cold, rainy, miserable place that I call home. His response was that he doesn't mind where he is or what work he has to do, as long as he is coming home to me every day. This might not be completely realistic because it could change, but if he wanted to move back to Turkey, then I would have to go with him. He has said if we can't get on in Istanbul then he would be willing to live somewhere else in Turkey but again, it would mean finding work... He seems to really want to get out of animation, but I'm sure there are other tourist based jobs that he could do. What do men usually do when they get too old for his type of job?

With regards to his military service, he has already served it a few years ago so no problems there.

When you say you don't think he seems to be a sound man, what do you mean?

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Ash, I give you kudos. With all the warnings and such, you have remained positive, strong and graceful. I posted earlier about my relationship and have decided to not share anymore info about it because life is short and I want to be happy in it. If my guy is in my life and he makes me happy, then really, who is to criticize? You be happy with your man, whether for a short period or a lifetime, because we all deserve to smile .. And clearly he makes you smile.

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Thank you winegirl. I really do appreciate it and its refreshing to read that you also are seeing things as I do. We all deserve to be with someone that makes us happy and as far as things are so far, I am extremely happy. If it lasts just for a short time then I have had a lovely experience and chance to get to know a new person, culture, language and much more and I will never have to wonder "what if". If it lasts a lifetime then the risk will have been made worth it and we can continue to be wonderfully happy even through all of the hurdles that we face x

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Hi AshIs there an update on your situation?I'd just like to add that although everyone's situation is different and unfortunately there are some horrible people that will us British girls for visa.. I am proud to say my fiancé isn't one of them.I too met him at a resort - Marmaris. I was in a horrible relationship and was not looking for another one until I set eyes on him!Cut a long story short, engaged after 4 months - been engaged for 2 years. Hoping to get married in December and move to Turkey when we are ready to. I'm a qualified teacher so would look to do that or open a bar together.Hope yours is too a success :)

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Hi Linda Ann. Thank you so much for another positive story :) always so nice to hear! I have to say, I'm currently in Bodrum and today is my last day so I'm extremely emotional. I have had the most perfect time.Tugrul has been a complete gentleman and when he's finished work we have gone to a beautiful restaurant up the beach and shared wine, ate cheese and talked and talked for hours, learning what we can about each other. He never takes his eyes off me, even when he's working and I've never seen such adoration in somebody's eyes before. On Saturday night, we went into bodrum marina and had an amazing night at a restaurant with live music, then went to a nightclub to celebrate his friends birthday and on his day off on Sunday we travelled back to akyarla to spend the day on the beach. That evening, we decided to stroll down to our favourite little restaurant up the beach and to my surprise my family were sat at our usual table! He had arranged for them all to be there and as we were opening some wine he asked me to look out to the sea.... He'd arranged a firework display for me!!! I cried and my family thought it was positively wonderful, but I was a little disappointed there was no proposal.Then last night (my last night here) when I had decided he wasnt going to, Tugrul came to dinner dressed so smartly. He'd had a hair cut, wore a shirt (he doesn't usually do) and generally looked really smart. He seemed really quiet and nervous and my dad sneaked him a whiskey... I really didn't know what was wrong with him but I didn't have time to find out as we had to go and watch the hotel show and Tugrul had to get to work in it... At the end of the show, tugrul's boss said that something very special was going to be shared and called Tugrul on stage... He looked so scared but said "would ashley please come down here" and our favourite love song "a thousand years" was played and my brother and sister walked me down the stairs of the amphitheatre and to the stage where Tugrul proposed to me in front of hundreds of people!! :) I said evet and the whole place erupted! It was absolutely amazing and his team broke open champagne and sprayed it everywhere! It was so exciting, so beautiful and so perfect.... I have to say, for him to go to the trouble he has whilst I've been here and put himself through what he did last night, I really believe that I have found myself an amazing man and I am one very lucky and very in love young lady xxx

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Ash - what a beautiful experience.  Reading it just brought the biggest smile.  Congratulations to you both!

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Thank you for the congratulations!

 

I'm really not sure what the plan is now. We spoke in depth about where we should take this whilst I was out there and all we could decide is that we want to be together. He is willing to live here. He said he thinks he would struggle to adapt but he wouldtry his best because he doesn't want to ask me to leave my family, as he's away from his 7 months out of the year anyway. I am willing to stay here and support him until he can find work... We are both willing to live in Turkey, although with the work that he does and money he'd earn, we think we'd be better staying in a tourist area rather than Istanbul. He finds Istanbul too busy and we would find it difficult to get by financially.

 

We want to be together so much, without having to say good bye for long periods of time, but we don't want to rush getting married for the sake of a visa. We want to do it in our own time. We just can't work out what our best options are...

 

At the moment I'm swaying towards moving to Turkey as I'm pretty adaptable and have really embraced Turkey wherever I can... Learning the language, the food, travelling by dolmush instead of taxis, getting along with his friends, etc... and if I'm honest I find the idea of staying in my office job completely miserable... I'm just concerned about what we would both do for work as he doesn't want to do animation anymore (he is willing to work hard and long hours but thinks his current job will put too much pressure on our relationship).

 

The other think I'm looking at is the idea of perhaps after my trip to Istanbul, if we apply for a fiance visa for Tugrul so that it gives us 6 months engagement and gives him a chance to see what he thinks of the UK before settling...

 

If anyone can offer any advice about options, visas, where we can go from here I would be so grateful!

 

xxx

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Hey honey,Lots to think about. We have been given the run around by solicitors etc and 2 years on my partner still doesn't have a permanent visa. For many reasons. If I was you I'd look at the criteria for each visa. A lot has changed and its not as easy as it was before. Although they would have to recognise you are married it's not an automatic right.You mentioned supporting your 'fiancé' (soooo exciting!) that's good. I do the same but it has taken its toll with highs and lows and just make sure you both don't resent each other. We have problems with money mine or ours etc but we are strong to not let it get to us.It may be seen as a quick engagement to others but don't let that spoil your excitement and what is a wonderful time. But take it slow. If he loves you he won't mess you around he will wait until you are ready to make that commitment. If he gets pushy you might want to question his motives. One condition of a spouse visa is English competency so he might want to look into test centres near him that allow him to sit the KET English test as long as he gets a basic certificate that will be enough for the home office.You may be invited for a interview where they question if its a genuine marriage or not. Sadly some idiots out there have spoilt it for us by fake or sham marriages so it makes the genuine cases hard to prove. I would say if you can afford to go and see him as much as possible (that also helps an application). Thinking long term remembering the economy here would he realistically get a well paid job. Could he provide a decent lifestyle in Turkey. As you mentioned Istanbul is a very expensive area, in a tourist area you might settle well too because there maybe other English people there. Jobs for you check out www.marmarisrecruitment.com although it says marmaris they find jobs in all areas. There have been rumours they aren't legit but I've always found them useful and they know all the facts about visas and work permits.You mentioned learning Turkish - fab! He'll love you more for wanting to!So much to think about! Take it slow and think it all through! Trust me you don't want to be in our position. If I knew this forum was here I wouldn't have had all the problems we have!!Congratulations again! Such a wonderful feeling and I genuinely hope it all works out for youHugs xxx and a girly eekk lol xx

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So much to think about I hardly know where to start.

 

Tugrul has spoken to his friend about doing getting fitness instructor qualifications, as he is already qualified to work in sports and it would be a good job for him and a way out of animation. He's also found that the qualification his friend did is transferable in the UK too! :) I think my Dad gave him a bit of a pep talk about choosing a career whilst we were out there and he's now got a bit more drive, which is wonderful as I think he needed a bit of direction and was a bit lost as to his next step.

 

Looking online at the UKBA website and on other forums, it looks like we meet all criteria. I'm just hoping that my poor credit history won't jeopardise our chances :( I'm now in a much better position financially and my pay has increased dramatically since then, but it's still a worry of mine.

 

Yes, I would support my 'fiance'! :) He has a few savings but not enough to get us through the 6 months! It's basically enough to get him through winter but he usually does work as well to get him by. So I think my salary would be what we both have to live on. It's not a problem for me but I do think he would find that difficult.

 

It is a quick engagement, but I think it just felt right for both of us and it's just a nice commitment from his side. I think my travelling back out there was proof of my wanting this so he wanted to show the same to me. He has already said it is up to me when we marry. The only thing that made us want to hurry it along was being able to be together, but now that we have a small plan of action, I think it looks like we'll be getting married at the end of next summer, provided we are accepted for a fiance visa...

 

He speaks excellent english, so I'm not nervous about the test, and neither is he. We will need to find out where he can do it though. Does it have to be clost to when we apply or could he do it now and then as long as he has the certificate he'll be ok?

 

I don't think I would be too concerned about an interview. We are a genuine couple in love. I think if anybody questioned anything I would show them the video of his proposal and they'd believe that. My friends and even my brother have cried watching it!

 

I will try to see him as much as possible. We are planning to apply in January so I will be seeing him for 10 days in November and then having a weekend there at Christmas and I will be there when we apply in January, as he wants us to do it together.

 

It sounds like you've had it pretty tough! 2 years is a long time. May I ask what has taken so long? I don't think I could be apart from Tugrul for that long. I'm already struggling with the goodbye's!

 

Thank you so so much :) It's really great to have some support and positivity around! It helps to get your head around things :)

 

xxxx Big hugs! Eeeeek! xxx

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Hey honey

 

Quick reply to your question about my partner. Just to clarify he is in the UK so we are together but the Home Office and solicitors have given us a run around so its ended up going to an appeal stage so waiting for a court date. There are other issues too but dont really wanna put in it on here - he'd kill me if I did lol.

 

In response to your question about the english test. Nope I don't think it needs to be done near the application just as long as he has it. Bear in mind that its not just speaking though. It is reading and listening (Listening - thats the hard bit for Turkish men - or just men in general hehe). My partners speaking English is excellent but his reading is a weak spot so it might be worth your partner checking out a short course that would prep him for the test so that you don't waste money. (If he has the same issues). From what I've seen it's a fairly standard skills test so he should be fine.

 

That's fab if his certificate is able to be transferred to the UK. Get a translation if you can if it's not already in English. 

 

Regarding the finances in terms of supporting him - it was more about Turkish men wanting to provide for their wives - it's installed in their blood and the longer he is out of work the harder it will be for him. My partner has his ups and downs but we know there is nothing we can do about it at the moment and we just pray it will get better.

 

In regards to whether or not your relationship is genuine; I'm not saying it isn't - I'm in the same situation as you so I couldn't possibly judge you. Just when I told friends about our engagement there was mixed responses mostly positive but a few negative - you will learn who your real friends are.

 

In response to your question about credit referencing. I don't think they would check your credit history maybe proof of a mortgage and whether payments are up to date but I can't see them doing a check - I may be wrong. When he is here it is important you prove you have a life together and not just photos and videos. Get things in joint names, bills, council tax, rent agreement etc.  Anything that shows you are a 'normal' couple. Some people have opened a bank account and shoved a lump sum in it but this isn't always seen favourable and is also a risk that either of you could clear it out at one stage. Just have a time line of documents.

 

It's crazy that you have to go through all of this but you also have human rights (article 8) that has a clause to say that immigration laws can not stand in the way of your partner from having the right to a private and family live. However with this condem (conservative / liberal) government trying to scrap the Human Rights Act this could all change very quickly!!

 

Happy holidays when you get there.

 

Also a tip to save money - go to your phone provider and see if they have an international package that will keep costs down (I had a £500 phone bill once oops) I also use localphone (I think) thats cheap too or skype /Tango all free if you use wifi.

 

Speak soon xxx

hugs

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Congratulations on your engagement it sounds so romantic.My husband has been living in UK almost a year he came here just before visa rule change. As far as English tests go there are tests that involve no reading or writing my husband has excellent spoken English but only now is his reading and writing improving so he did his test only in speaking and listening.Getting the visa may seem like the hardest part and it is a stressful application and waiting period but the settling in period we have found very hard.Firstly life here is very different and my husband has a big culture shock. Plus it was cold in Scotland. He did not know anyone apart from me and had to depend on me for everything. He misses his home, his friends and the way that over there he was able to just walk into a job. Not working took a big emotional toll on my husband and sometimes our relationship.He went home for three weeks to spend time with his family and that did help as he realised he missed being here. He was able to work straight away but it took time to find work. In the end he got messed around by many Turkish bosses. But did get a job part time in a bar which helped his self esteem.Fast forward to now and he has made a very good friend and several other friends. He is working full time. He has integrated very well into our way of life and goes to college to improve his English ready for his next visa test. And we are expecting our baby in 9 weeks.Long post sorry!! Just trying to give you a bit of perspective on the difficulties of bringing someone here to give you things to think about.Wish you all the luck in the world hope whatever you do you have a long and happy life together.

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Hi LindaAnne and Fifibuffet,

 

Thank you for your congratulations and help.

 

We have so much to think about and I don't really know where to start. It's really hard to pull anything together and it's so frustrating not knowing what we will do.

 

I know Tugrul will find it difficult to adapt to moving to the UK, especially as he won't be able to work straight away or have any friends. We will be living with my dad and stepmum until he can work, so my stepmum will speak to him in Turkish and I will do everything I can to make him feel at home. I just can't see that we would have any sort of future in Turkey, considering the type of work he has always done and knowing I would find it difficult to work at all.

 

We have booked Tugrul's english test so that it falls during the time that I'm visiting him and I can support him and travel with him, as he's not good with tests etc. Even if his english is good, his nerves are not... He has ADHD and finds it really difficult.

 

We are tied between marrying in Turkey and applying for a settlement visa, or applying for a fiance visa and marrying in the UK. Personally I think it would be better if we can live together for a few months before the wedding, and then we can visit Turkey for a second wedding blessing and traditional turkish celebrations, which Tugrul would really like to do.

 

Now I'm already starting to panick about visas and what it will entail. I'm petrified that Tugrul won't be accepted and don't know what our best options are/ what will increase chances of acceptance. We haven't lived together for a prolongued period and I think that will go against us but my job won't allow for me to be away for too long and I need to have this job secure for the application so it's a catch 22 situation at the moment.

 

Any experiences or advice would be gratefully received as it might help to give us some direction.

 

Thank you to everybody for your help so far. Not sure where I would have been without this forum xx

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Hi Honey

 

I had a quick look at the UKBA website and the best way is to either 

 

a) get married in Turkey and then apply for spouse visa conditions are You must show that:

  • [*]you and your partner are both aged 18 or over at the date of application; [*]your partner is not related to you in a way that means you could not marry in UK law; [*]you and your partner have met in person; [*]your relationship with your partner is 
genuine and subsisting; [*]if you are married or in a civil partnership, your marriage or civil partnership is valid in UK law; [*]you meet the suitability requirements; [*]any previous relationship has permanently broken down (this does not apply to certain polygamous relationships); [*]you and your partner intend to live together permanently in the UK; [*]you meet the financial requirement; [*]you meet the English language requirement; and [*]if you are in the UK and want to extend your leave or apply for settlement in the UK you will need to meet the suitability requirement.

From what you've mentioned the only part that would throw a spanner in the works is the genuine and subsisting part. This isn't really anything you can control as it is a judgement but you can help it by building a life together now and trying to prove you are a real couple. You will then be granted a 5 year visa at the end of that you can apply for settlement. so you wouldn't by the looks of it be able to apply for settlement just after you marry in Turkey. I don't know if they would be able to check but I would ask your fiancée if he has ever been arrested or convicted. If they have a way of checking this and you haven't declared it then it would look bad. 

 

Or

 

b. ) apply for a fiancée visa and then a spouse visa

 

If you applied to come to the UK or for permission to stay here on or after 9 July 2012 for the 5-year family route and that permission was granted, you will need to be in the UK for 5 years before you can apply for settlement. You will initially be given leave to enter for 2 and a half years, and then you can apply for another period of 2 and a half years.

 

Personally if you can get married in the UK I think it would be better. Only because should it not work out (which it will - I have every faith you will make it work) the UK divorce system would be easier for you. The Turkish system isn't complicated actually more reasonable but it is in Turkish so you'd need a translator and you'd have to go to Turkey to appear in court. My fiancée and I are planning on having a UK wedding and then a blessing/party in Turkey. Also think about realistically would your family and friends be able to go to Turkey would they like a traditional Turkish wedding?

 

This is my interpretation of the information on the website so I would call the home office 0870 606 7766. You'll be on hold for ages so call from a landline. Be aware that they might not take general enquiries so play around with the options until you get put in a queue to speak to someone.

 

Nothing is 100% certain. a friend of mine applied for her husband to join her 10 years ago when the rules were more relaxed and she got turned down because she didnt have a p60 for one out of 5 years and it looked like she hadn't worked. Obviously the rules have changed and it may be worth if you are applying in the UK to see an immigration lawyer however be careful and take what they say with a pinch of salt because they will be after your money. Shop around and see which one you are most comfortable with.

 

Hope I haven't confused you

 

Linda

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Hi Linda,

 

Thank you so so much. I really appreciate your help. This looks a lot clearer. I had checked the UKBA website but it seems to be a bit all over the place and confused me more than it helped.

 

I guess our first step would be to start building a future together now so that we can prove as much as possible that we are a genuine and subsiding couple. I'm concerned as to how we can do this with him being in Turkey and me in England...

 

My father has agreed to give me a letter confirming that we intend to live together at his house and I guess I could get a 2nd phone contract in his name added to mine so that we can show that we will be sharing domestic bills, etc. I'm just not sure what else we can do. Any suggestions would be really helpful.

 

Thank you again Linda! :) You have been extremely helpful and I really appreciate it. I'm starting to get things together in my head now Posted Image

 

Ashley xx

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My husband and I had never lived together when we applied for our visa. To prove genuine relationship we used flight and hotel bookings, phone records, photographs of time we spent together, Facebook messages, msn messages photos of wedding, of me and his family and things like that spanning the length of our relationship.

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Thank you Fifi! You have put my mind to rest a little :)

 

I was really worried that it would be used against us if we hadn't cohabited but we just aren't in a position to. I will use any info, photos, conversations, etc that I can. I'm sure when I'm with him in Istanbul we will be able to get a lot more, including some of his family as at the moment we just have us with my family and his work "family".

 

We will be renting an apartment in November when I'm in Istanbul and I have both of our names on the agreement so hopefully that will also help.

 

I have taken screen shots of our skype conversations sometimes just so that if we can't speak I can see how he smiles when he speaks to me... Extremely soppy I know but it helps when I'm struggling with the distance sometimes. Perhaps I could include them with my proof of conversations...

 

If we apply for fiance visa we will not have wedding photos yet, but we do have a lot of pictures from our engagement celebrations and we will be having a proper engagement ceremony with his family on November so will have then... I also have his proposal receorded. Do you think it would be with putting a copy to disc and including in on our application or do you think they wouldn't be interested? I just don't want to miss anything and risk being declined.

 

Thank you so much again xx

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Hi Honey

 

They would expect you to have wedding pics for a fiancée visa - in fact they would be worried you were already married hehe!

 

 A contract for renting an apartment in both your names would definitely help and if you can open a Turkish bank account even if has a minimal amount in there that would help too.

 

Engagement DVD - hmmm don't see why not - would they watch it - doubtful if they would even have the time. Skype snap shots - not soppy at all - I know how hard the distance can be too! 

 

Really as much as possible. Every detail - picture of your ring etc the more the better.

Statements from your friends and family about how you are settled in the relationship - how you have bonded as a family

 

If you need anything more - we are here

Just seen your reply. Could he come over as a visitor for a few weeks / months. This may help or hinder depends on how the home office see it because they could argue he came and went as a visitor and could continue to do so or they might see it as he was willing to come and see you as much as you went to see him.

The distance will be hard but it also builds trust. A lot of people said to me how do you know he isnt cheating on you. My reply was how does he know Im not cheating on him and how do you know your boyfriend isnt cheating on you. You don't thats why its called cheating! but with distance there is a stronger emphasis on trust and that in my heart I knew he wasnt and if he was he is the one who has to live with it not me. 

 

As much as I know how much you want to be together I also think it is not wise to rush things - we did and it has got so complicated when in fact if we sat down and thought it through we would have been much clearer.

 

Also you have just got engaged, enjoy this, let this time be as magical as it should be and just relax :) 

 

The UKBA is a mine field and who knows what actually goes on but if you play it by the book you should be ok. You will also be allowed to appeal the decision if it comes back as no. This can often be the case as the person reading the file knows nothing about you but in an appeal you face a judge so its more emotive.

Lets hope it doesnt come to that!

 

Lindy xx

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