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Advice For Turkish Girl

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Good day to everyone,

I wanted to write to you seeking advice concerning my relationship with a Turkish girl. I am a greek, living abroad, aged 33, and she also lives near my city here, about 40 minutes in distance. I met the girl (26 years old) around 4 months ago at a party and from the first moment it looked as if we connected very well. We spoke from then on every night for the coming months online about everything and she seemed to be genuine interested. In this 4 months we only met 4 times, everytime that I was asking her out, she had some short of excuse. I understood that she is a person that doesn’t want to be pressured, so I started asking her out less frequently and let her take the initiative about when and where we should meet. Two weekends ago she came over to my place, and we spend a really nice weekend together. She was very affectionate and although she left kind of suddenly, it seemed that she was also very interested in me. Apart from the weekend we spend together, when we were chatting, she was always kind of making plans on how we would meet in our respective countries, her coming in Greece, when my holiday was there, and she invited me to visit her in Istanbul, when she would get back. From my part, I was also affectionate, showed her that I care about her, but up to this point. No promises were made on either side, because I knew that it was too soon.

My problem started after the weekend we spend together. First day in all her messages she really seemed affectionate, but then as I was asking her to meet again, she declined. And after a few messages, she wrote to me that we shouldn’t be meeting so often, because she doesn’t feel free. I then told her, its ok, we’ll meet whenever you want, and that I wanted to discuss this with her. For one week there was no reply, so I contacted her again (through messenger, she refused to meet me face to face saying she was busy). So I told her that I was confused, and she said that she was sorry and that she knew why I might feel confused. So I told her that I really like her and that I thought that the weekend that we spend together was really nice for me and also all the time that we spend together. She then wrote me back , that she also had a great time with me, that there was nothing wrong from my side, but it was her. She said that she was not good in this kind of realtionships and that she needed to get away, since she realized that I was taking this relationship seriously. Truth be told I care about the girl, that is why I am asking for advice, but apart from showing her that I cared I never pushed her¸ cause I understood that she is the kind of person that doesn’t like to be pushed. So I answered back that its ok, we can take it slow, that I don’t really see where the problem is since we both enjoy each others company. She didn’t answer anything to that and this is how our last conversation ended.

My problem is , since I am genuily interested in seeing her again, do I just stop contacting her and wait till she feels like (if) she wants to see me? She seems to be saying the truth since she mentioned twice that she wasn’t feeling free, so maybe ,even if that was not my intention , she clearly thinks that I put pressure on her? Or if I contact her, how do I do it?

Thanks in advance for any answers I might get.

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Hi Vaggelis and welcome to the forum Posted Image

Its very confusing and upsetting when someone does not return your feelings. Unfortunately this young woman does not want a committed relationship with you in fact she is not interested in seeing you and you really have to let go.

In this day and age women can take their pleasure and walk away without commitment. You had a nice time together but thats all it was. I don't think she is playing hard to get I really think she does not want to be with you. Please accept this and stop contacting her .

Its an old saying but its true...there are plenty more fish in the sea Posted Image

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Hi Aston,thank you very much for your reply. I agree with you, this is not the first time that this happened to me, or its not that i haven't done it to someone in the past myself. These kind of situations are in life. So i can understand all this and i also have decided not to contact her again. What confused me was the enthusiasm that she showed and the amount of time it took, that is why I decided to ask. Actually to be honest with you, I thought that the reason that she lost interest was the fact that I was not being serious enough. Anyway I will not contact her again, thanks again for your reply

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hi Vaggelis, ah you seem a really nice honest affectionate man who cares :-) what woman wouldnt want a man this way...maybe a complicated one!!! her loss !

if she doesnt contact you again maybe its for the better and shes doing you a favour

your English is great by the way....much better than many greeks i met who i was around while i lived in Greece :-)

good luck

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She's not from Izmir, is she? Posted Image

I've been through the same thing before with Turkish girls whose actions and words were completely different. One in particular I call "Puzzle" for that reason (she loves the name and the reason I gave it to her). You just can't figure them out. I've heard it said that the best way to get a Turkish girl interested in you is to be seen with another Turkish girl. And that works. The conflicting behavior is instantly replaced with jealousy.

I think the behavior is based in vanity, a desire to be chased and to be so desirable that a girl can take the guy for granted any time she wants. Just knowing that you want her is enough for her. But then when she might lose that situation, she fights to keep it. I don't know if this is the case here, but it sure sounds familiar.

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Lucid,Thanks for your reply and your compliment on my english. I know that probably it is for the better, and I do not intend anymore to contact her. The reason that i wrote in this forum was only because she showed way too much affection before. I was wondering if people had similar experiences before, that is why I posted.

Kem thank you for your reply as well, i've heard that before from my turkish friends here, one of them also warned me before hand to be careful cause as he told me turkish girls do have this changes in behavior. I thanks for the advice as well, only practical problem os that I do mot know any other turkish girls :) . By the way she is not from Izmir, but she did study and lived there.

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Obviously I don't have experience of Turkish girls ( Posted Image ) but according to my boyfriend, Turkish girls are difficult and playing a lot, you never know what they actually want!

It seems to me that yes, she is interested but something is holding her back. Is it that she is expected to marry before serious relationship and she is confused how she is supposed to take things with you? Or is it that she finds it confusing that you are Greek and she actually likes you? I can tell you, that if I fell for Russian I would surely be confused and shocked, and I would be terrified to tell my family. And then I would give mixed signs. It's not like we hate Russians, we just don't get involved to them. And Finland-Russia relationship is quite a bit similar with Turkey and Greece.

My advice is that give her a little time, and maybe after a while just ask her how is she, what she has been doing, how is life etc. just general stuff, not suggesting meeting. If she feels like seeing you, she will give you a hint, and if she doesn't, you will get just cold shower by words.

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thanks everyone for the advice. It has been usefull. We talk now from time to time through messenger, especially with what is happening in Turkey, but I don't suggest we meet. Neither does she, that's the problem. I'll just have to wait and see I guess. I don't think that her problem is her family, since from the stories that she told me she doesn't seem to be close or affected by them. I think that it is more the fact that she is young and that she is afraid to "commit", although I never suggested such a thing. The only thing I did, is after the time we spend together to suggest we meet again. Actually the way that she wrote me, I think that she is actually taking it too seriously and that might have scared her. Its not that I am not serious about her, it is only that I didn't want to pressure her in any way. well I'll see how this turns out, I hope that she suggest we meet again one of these days.

thanks again to everyone.

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