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because89

What Have I Done?

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Hi there, me again!I am in such a pickle!!Basically, I visited my family in Turkey last year as I have been doing for a good few years now. I have always been warned about the Turkish men but also knew how lovely some of them are, but have just been aware. Personally i did always say I would never want a Turkish man because i knew how hard a relationship would be. I went out for dinner and had a few seraps! I saw a waiter and he really caught my eye, even though i didnt think any turkish man was my type! i tried flirting with him but he was so hard faced and was in no way trying it on with me, I then asked a turkish friend to see if he would join us later on(I would never instigate anything in a million years,..before!) He joined us and I was trying to talk to him eventhough he could hardly speak a word of English! After a bit of a kiss at the end of the night i backed off and said no this isnt going to work your probably a visa hunter or something, the next day i flew home.I couldnt stop thinking about him but knew i shouldnt, I then found out he was still married and had a son, i felt awful for his wife mainly! Then a few months later out of the blew he contacted me on facebook, I was jubious but knew i needed to go in with my eyes open. I told him i knew he was married with a son, he admitted he had a son, but apparently was divorced(which i was not sure about and always thought he still was but knew he wasnt living with her). So after speaking every day and slowly his english was improving i went over to see him in December and stayed at his sisters house. We had a good time, didnt do anything exciting just did the usual, going shops making turkish food watching tv.I came back to the UK and knew i was doomed i loved him and now what am i supposed to do. I have just visited him again in his hometown, we stayed in a hotel as he is now living with his parents, we went outside his house and his dad looked at me out of the window and said something to my bf. I knew he had told his parents about me and his mother saw me on webcam once, he told them he loved me which i thought was too soon to tell them but he said they were ok with it as he told them i was muslim. We had a hard time together as we were thinking how we can be together and for the last month he has not been working and he told me he had something to tell me and i knew what it was...he was still married but trying to divorce which i wouldnt have minded if he has just told me from the beginning. I came home and he told me he had been fighting with his parents, they had said that they are not happy he is jobless, pennyless, not with his wife, not living with his son, and now has an english girlfriend. They have told him they are not going to help him anymore and that he needs to go back to his wife and that i am a pipedream i think. he said they think i am just coming over every few months for a holiday and i am not serious, he has to pay his debts and bills etc in a weeks time and they have just said he needs to go to his wife for the money, of course alarm bells are ringing like crazy and i have gone mad at him basically saying that he needs money or he will have to go to his wife..i did not see this coming and there is nothing i can do. he doesnt need alot of money but it is still money. i know he is now going crazy and does not love his wife, and we both know his wife loves him and everybody will be happy if he goes back to her apart from him.I am absolutely gutted as i thought we could actually give this a go eventhough it is not what i wanted in the beginning, i had almost got a job over there and thought it was all possible, now i am just devastated at the thought he is now going to have to go back to his wife and can not believe money has had to come into the equasion..he has never been charming and the typical visa hunter type as he said he wouldnt want to live here, he is 30 and has a son, he would like to visit to see where i am from but i know our aim was to live in turkey. Now everybody is telling me he never loved me and has only got in touch with me for my money..i am so shocked i have only been back a week and so much has happened..

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I don't know what you want us to say. We expressed our doubts about him before and it now turns out we were right and he was lying to you. He is still married. How do you know that he is divorcing? You only have his word for it and by trying to hang on to him you are certainly not helping his marriage and you are trying to deprive a child of his father. Is that what you really want?Think, what sort of man would parade his girlfriend in front of everyone before a (possible)divorce went through? He is showing no respect for you, his wife and son or his parents.He is now trying to get money out of you by saying he has to pay debts and to do so he has to go back to his wife. What a surprise. Believe him at your peril.

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I wrote a reply three or four times before finally starting this post and my responses were all quite critical. I know I am more outspoken than the other members of the forum but you have written your story on an open forum so you must expect all sorts of replies.Why would you start seeing a jobless , penny less man who can't speak English and is married with a wife and child in tow? You blithely go to his home town , where presumably his wife and child live and your boyfriend lies to his family telling them your a Muslim and then you find out he has been lying to you all along and he is still married! What kind of man flaunts his girlfriend in front of his family and community while still married but its OK because we all know his wife loves him but he doesn't love her.Then you say you can't believe money has come into the equation, what is this man's wife and child to live on he is married and has responsibilities, did you really think you could live on love?I actually find your behaviour just as bad as his.

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Stop wrecking another woman's marriage, leave him alone and find a single man for yourself.

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Whilst we do try to be supportive on this forum when I read post such as yours it tends to be difficult. I can't believe that you thought you 'could give it a go' you are being very naive to say the least. It may be true that he doesn't love his wife, but...... I also believe that he doesn't love you either.

He is playing with your emotions by telling you he will have to go back to his wife if he can't find the money. He is a desperate man who now needs to pay his debts in a weeks time and you look like the best person to get him out of his situation.

Don't deceive yourself in thinking if you pay off his debts that your problems will be over, because they won't. There is not going to be any happy ending if you choose to continue with this man, so take off your rose tinted glasses and see the situation for what it is and listen to your friends. Don't ruin your life for someone who's not worth it, you're worth more than that. Posted Image

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Well, you didn't really end with a question for us, so there's not really anything to say...But you did say you were in a pickle... how? I think what you did was avoid a potential FUBAR situation. You were ready to end your life in the UK and start in Turkey for a paper tiger. You didn't even have a job over there.I say: throw yourself into your work, take some time off from ANY men and do some self-examination on what it is about you that you allowed yourself to get involved with a 30 year old man with LOTS of baggage with NO prospects.I don't know your past posts, but look to the future and make sure you do NOT repeat whatever it is you did to get yourself to that low point ever again.

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