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Help I Need Answers To So Me Questions Befor I Go To Turkey To Be Married

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gigi

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HelloI am 51 year old ameican women and i am going to turkey to marry my 32 year old fiancee. i was told that they will not allow that because of the age differance due to the thought that it will be a fake marriage, is this true?also he had applyed for a student visa and was denided because he needed a guarentee, will this hurt our chances to get married?one other thing when we marry will he beable to come back to the states with me and if so how long would we have to wait?

Please any answers will be appreciated greatly.....

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I dont think they can refuse to marry you.

The more experienced guys on here will know the law better.

They may question you as to the validity of your relationship and unless you speak Turkish this will all go over your head so your fiancee will bear the brunt.

Dont forget you will have to have blood tests and paperwork.

The problem may come when you apply for his visa to the States so keep every single piece of paper relating to your time together.

Everything,phone bills,emails,cards,presents,letters etc to prove you have a genuine thing going.

His student visa was probably refused as he had no sponsor which you have now sorted............

Very Best of Luck! x

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Hi gigi and welcome to our forum. As Tansy said they can't refuse to marry you in Turkey because of the age difference. If you are thinking of getting married in Turkey please open this link. The link is to the US Embassy in Ankara, you will also find links for visas.

Getting married will be the easy bit to be honest and you should put a lot of thought into before you take that step.

It's impossible to say what his chances are of getting a visa are because you have said so little about your relationship in your post. I know that to get a visa for settlement due to marriage in the UK is hard enough and believe it's even harder in the US.

Because of the age difference and the fact that he was refused a student visa it may well seem to the authorities that he is marrying you just for a visa as it does happen a lot.

Sorry to ask the following questions but it may give us a better idea of how to answer your question. How long have you know each other, how did you meet and how often do you meet up. Have you met his family and have you got photos of the meeting?. Is he a student in Turkey or does he work and has he done his National Service yet?.

The burden of proof will be on you to prove that the relationship is genuine, and as Tansy said you will need a lot of it.

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I don't know how much has changed in the last 10 years, but I do know that the green card process in the US at the time was very tedious and very expensive (that was just after 9/11). We made many trips to the federal building in Los Angeles and filled out pages and pages of paperwork. It is doable without an attorney (we did it without) but you have to read everything very carefully and be meticulous about keeping track of all your deadlines and fees. Unfortunately my wife's green card has lapsed since we moved here to Turkey and we're going to have to start the process all over again if we ever move back to the US, not something I'm looking forward to. The only reason we never got her citizenship is because the fees are prohibitively expensive.

In order for your husband to get his green card in the US you have to be married and he's got to be living there (once you start the alien process during the term of his visa he can stay there legally), and full citizenship still takes at least 3-5 years of continuous residency in the US (not sure the exact time).

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Some good advice from fellow members. Please especially take note of Abi's questions.

I get the impression from your post that you have never actually met this guy and have had an online relationship. If this is the case, think hard and long before committing yourself and ask why a young man would want to marry someone nearly twenty years older, because the authorities will certainly be going to ask that question if you try to take him to the States.

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HelloThank you all for your adviceTansyblossmom....... we don't have phone bills because we are on yahoo messenager and i do have most of our messages saved except for the first 3 months because i did not know i could save them. i have sent him a couple things. he has my birthday gift s with him but opened them for me to see. do you think that is enough? if not what will i need to do?

Abi..... he tried to get a student visa because he wanted to learn better english and then we would have been able to spend time together, we talked about marriage before the student visa but wanted to just see if he could get here on that visa. it seemed the easiest way. We have known each other for a year and we talk and see eachother on the computer. We met on Backgammon and started out as just friends and then months later our relationship grew in to love and now we want to be get married and spend out lives as one.we have not met in person but we are always on video chat. i have met his parents via the video chat . He was in Bosnia for NATO. We love each other so much, i may be 51 but no one belives me, anyway age is just a number to us.

Aston... thanks for the link i did already read it and it was helpful... Sunny... We love each other so much, i may be 51 but no one belives i am, anyway age is just a number to us and it dosn't bother us at all. Love happens when you least expect it to...... what kind of questions would they ask, it is real love for both of us and now you have me worried that he will not beable come home with me.

Istanbul/whiteboy....are you saying that once we are married that he can come and waith here in the us for his visa? I think we will get a lawyer to do all the paper work because i would hate to do it wrong... i do not like paper work!!!!

I hope that i can get more feed back on this as i did give you more answers and i hope it will helpThank you all so much :)

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Gigi, when do you intend to meet your partner in person? People can be very different in reality. As your partner will have difficulty obtaining a US visit visa you would need to travel to Turkey.

There is a requirement by the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) ​that you must have actually met your partner, If you filed a petition before meeting your partner the petition would be invalid and you would lose the filing fee.

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madnesssorrysure, go and meet him................but marry?.......someone you've never met??? In a country you don't know???here's a free spoonful,of common sense....go to turkey, meet him, meet his family and friends, see how he lives, see what he's like in person, and if you're still keen, do all your research about visas etc, save your money, one of you learn a language, and then talk about your future. Otherwise, it all seems a bit rushed and desperate.

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To be honest Gigi even if you come over here and get married I don't think you have much of a chance to getting him a visa for the US as you would have only meet him once, and that was to get married. The US like the UK are very strict about things like that and they won't like it. Also the fact that he has already been turned down for a student visa.

The reality is and I have to be blunt as there is no point telling you everything else, so please don't take it the wrong way, but you are 51 and he is 32, it doesn't matter how young you look or even how old he may look. At the end of the day the official who will be looking at your paperwork will only see the written word and certainly won't be wearing rose colored glasses. There have been cases in the UK where couples have married, had children, there is no significant age difference, but still they have struggled to get their husbands over to the UK taking sometimes 2 or 3 years to do it. Even if there wasn't a large age difference, the fact that you will have only meet for the first time, and that was to get married, will raise a red flag with them. It won't matter to them if you spend all day and every day on the computer looking and talking to each other, you still can't know each other properly. It's not possible to know anyone properly unless you actually spend time with them.

It's very easy for people to portray themselves as something they aren't on the internet, you read about it all the time. Before people marry someone who they have met on the internet they should spend time together in real life before they marry. It is even more important if that person is of a different nationality/religion, they should really spend time in that person's country and with their family to see how it works and how that person reacts to different situations in everyday life in their own country.

I know you will be thinking that your relationship is different, and maybe it is, but I just hope you don't live to regret your decision. I would just like to add in case you think any of us are anti Turk that the majority of us who answer you have either been married/are married or in or been in a relationship with a Turk. Also most of us have lived in Turkey for a long time and we see and hear a lot of what goes on.

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Everything that Abi has said is correct.

I'm afraid that until you have met and spent a lot of time together then it's a non starter. Those of us who live here and have spent a lot of time helping and advising people have seen it all. Some relationships work but so many don't after a year or so, once the (usually) man has got his visa/money from his target and the bigger the age gap the less likely the chances of it being a genuine relationship, at least on the man's part.

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Gigi, I support everything said by Abi, Sunny and Ahududu above .... after all, we must be realistic. Also, are his parents aware of your actual age (as they may think you are younger because you look so) ?

Like most Turkish parents, they will no doubt expect grandchildren from you...... so have you thought about how you will face that situation ? And how does your intended feel about it (as it's something that ought to be discussed when considering marriage) ?

Just some more things for you to think about. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do, as ultimately, it's up to you. Posted Image

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Gigi, Welcome to Turkey Central Forum.

Please read n read again our fellow members replies to your post.

There is no rush on your part.so don't jump into something that is'nt really a relationship yet.only a friendship over the internet.

Clear you head Gigi n take time to think seriously what your next steps will be.

Have yourself a great holiday in Turkey Gigi,just put the marriage on the back burner for a while.

Lindy Lou

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Hi Gigi--I read your post and feel compelled to chip in. The sister of a former co-worker had a very similar situation as you do: she met someone over the internet, they communicated over the internet for a period of months, perhaps a year or more, and then he came to the States to marry her. She was so worried that he might back out upon seeing her (she was very overweight and insecure about that) that she arranged to have a justice of the peace at the airport, so he could marry them as soon as she met him in baggage claim. They married thus, and I do know that he was able to get his greencard. I don't know the details, and as I'm not close to the former co-worker, I don't feel I can contact her for more information about this. Perhaps it was befoe 9/11 when it was much easier to get a green card. (She told us the background story but I'm not sure when, exactly, it happened.)Over the internet all those months, he was charming and kind, flattering and nice. She certainly thought she knew him. In real life, he was negative and often mean. Her family was dismayed, but she stood by his side and had two children. As of 2010 (when my former co-worker quit) they were still married, although very unhappily. He rarely worked. On his side, I think he was unhappy too; the sister in her own way had a hard time with many aspects of daily life, i.e. keeping tidy. It goes back to what Abi said about you can't really know someone unless you've spent time with them in real life.

How do they handle being angry? How do they treat people as they go about their business? What is their business, line of work, and is it something they could do in the States? What are their interactions like with family and friends? It is easy to hide unpleasant habits, or to be positive and nice for a long Skype call. In my former co-worker's sister's case, she felt so trapped and unhappy that she actually ended up accepting a job overseas--it paid much more, and she sent money back to support both her husband and kids, but truthfully she wanted to escape and didn't want to be around any of them. Her story is not your story, and hopefully it will have a lovely ending. Seen from the outside, there are just a ton of red flags, flags the INS will also see. Why not at least meet him a few times--you go there, he come here? Like the others said, you can then see him as he is in his daily life, and how he would fit in yours. Surely he can get a tourist visa for that. There are good specials all the time--a recent one was $555 Chicago/Istanbul any time from October to December. Others like that crop up every few months, so this needn't break the bank. If the reason you don't want to do this is financial, then there are ways to find ways to finance it--a second job, freelancing, working overtime, cleaning houses, etc. Or better yet, he can help fund getting together regularly. Another friend (Turkish) met an American man at a wedding in Turkey. Six months later, she was in New York and called him to say: okay, I'm in New York for a few days and I'm thinking of doing this-and-this-and-this, do you have any other advice? And he actually flew to New York, got his own hotel room, and took her around for a couple days! It was just a nice, fun, spontaneous thing to do, but they really clicked. She went back to Turkey. He told her that he wanted to get to know her and her him, that he really liked her and wanted to see if it was something that could work. And so he made a promise to come to Turkey to see her--or send her to the States--every month. Some times, he was only in Turkey for three days, but he kept his promise. He got to meet her friends and relatives and she his, and they got a few extended vacations where they could simply be in eachothers' homes and see what life was like with the other. They have been married now for several years and are very happy. So not all of these romances are doomed. So much depends on how much effort one puts into it, and how transparent they are about their life. And with most things, time will tell if things will work out. That's all we are urging here: for you to take time. Once married you will have a lifetime together, inshallah. Another year of frequent visits will only add to your store of lovely memories about the early days of your romance.

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Wow so much information and i love that you are giving me advice. i have a question about a visa. From what i understand it is hard to get a visa to the USA they want a guarantee he will go back to turkey. he has no guarantee that is why they turned him down for the student visa and he showed that he had to much money. also how often can someone come to the states, is there a time limit between visits? So how can he come here to see me????? i have commitments here so it is hard to go back and fourth to turkey. I will be going in september and we will be going on vacation to Antalya together. as for his religion that has not been a problem with us, I really want for us to work out because we have a great base to our relationship. i know you say that you can not really know anyone on the internet but i do know the way we feel and that is something that was built from being friends for months then it grew to really liking eachother and to where it is now...love..... it is hard to believe that something like this could be real but in my mind i know it is true and in my heart i feel it. OK i know you are saying poor stupid women she does not get it!!!!! i really do get it and i had thoughts early on and had all the fears answered. i would love for him to come here but he tried and was denied so what do we do?????????????? i am really lost on what to do. one thing for sure i do want to be with him as my husband and live our lives together.

please keep the post coming i do read them and try to learn from your advice and experiences Posted Image

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I don't doubt your sincerity gigi, just asking you to be VERY careful and take your time to get to know him better before making any big decisions.

Having lived here for over 20 years I've seen how 'sincere' some of these Turks can be, swearing undying love etc. while they have a wife and children back in the village and taking the target to visit the village and being welcomed by parents and other members of the family, the wife being passed off as a sister or cousin. They are quite happy to divorce the wife and marry the target, get residency, then leave the target and bring the Turkish wife and children over.

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thank you sunny.... i will not be making any big decisions untill i meet him and his family in person, he moved back home recently to save money and i have to say that was a good choice. i am positive there is no wife and NO children.... he dosn't want children........ my concern is the visa issuse. i do not want to eventlly marry him and then find out he can not come home with me... any advice would be great :)

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In the majority of relationships between Turks and non Turkish women the onus is on the woman to travel to Turkey. as it is very difficult for Turks to obtain tourist visas. So the women travel to and fro staying as long as they can in Turkey often footing the bills. Do you think these women don't have commitments ?

As your partner has been refused a visa he will have to show a change of circumstances before he applies for a tourist visa, Unless he is able to prove he has sufficient funds as well as his ability to demonstrate his intention to return to Turkey the visa will be refused.

Continual refusal of visas will not help an application based on marriageYou ask what you should do. First ask your partner if you can see his identity card Kimlik Karti (it is compulsory for Turks to carry an ID card ) if it says Bekar he is a bachelor if it says Evli he is married.

Then if you still think he is single go on holiday and meet him,

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i am positive there is no wife and NO children.... he dosn't want children......

And just how are you positive there are no children?

Saying he doesn't want children proves that he is lying - all Turks want children, it is their insurance that they will be looked after in their old age. Believe me, it's true.

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Gigi, I can see why he might have been denied a student visa--I think it is one thing if one applies to a university and is admitted for a particular program vs. if one is intending to go to a language school or community college. I think one would have a slim chance to do the latter, and the former requires a pretty high level of English plus money sufficient to pay for a program. But I'm surprised that tourist visas are hard to come by, especially if your guy has a round-trip ticket and can demonstrate ties back home (i.e. a job that he would be returning to.) I think where it gets iffy is if he only had a one-way ticket, which obviously looks like he has no intention of going back. I researched tourist visas a bit and this seems to be an important piece of info; "If denied a visa, the applicant is given a reason based on the section of law which applies." So if your guy was denied a tourist visa, he should have gotten an explicit explanation as to why. Here is a link to the State Department's site about denials of tourist: http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/denials/denials_1361.htmlI think a student visa is much harder to get but he could very well be able to get a tourist visa, especially if he has a job/house/etc in Turkey (shows he has something to come back to), has a shortish round trip ticket (looks like a normal vacation) has enough to cover his expenses for the vacation, and hasn't had any criminal activity . . . .

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I don't doubt your sincerity gigi, just asking you to be VERY careful and take your time to get to know him better before making any big decisions.

Having lived here for over 20 years I've seen how 'sincere' some of these Turks can be, swearing undying love etc. while they have a wife and children back in the village and taking the target to visit the village and being welcomed by parents and other members of the family, the wife being passed off as a sister or cousin. They are quite happy to divorce the wife and marry the target, get residency, then leave the target and bring the Turkish wife and children over.

oops,that was me then..the target!..

You must go to Turkey Gigi and get the feel for the place and the people.

You must see him in his own environment and to understand the essence of him.....

Put your sensible head on!

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Hi Gigi, firstly good luck to you. I have an American friend who married a turkish guy that she met in Bodrum. They did not apply for the correct visa first off and came across a mountain load of difficulty getting another visa. In the end she went to Turkey and lived there for a period of time and was able to prove the relationship. I believe they rented a place together, etc.

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Gigi, if he wants to get a holiday visa he will have to prove he has strong ties with Turkey and has a need to return. He has already tried for a student visa and refused, If he now applies for a different kind of visa anytime soon it will raise a red flag. Has he got a permanent job in Turkey, how long has he had it and what does he do?, Does he have a property or business in his name and or savings?. These are some of the things that the authorities will be looking for.

He may not want children now but he could change his mind in 10-15 years. If you marry he may be happy there for a long time but may want to return to Turkey to live at some point. These are things that neither of you can answer right now but things to thing about.

None of us can say with any certainty whether he will be given a visa. Are you prepared to come and live in Turkey permanently as it may be your only chance of living together?

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