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thomasarm

American Man Dating Turkish Woman

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Merhaba! ThomasArm. I just read your entire story. Very interesting indeed. What's the latest update on your situation with Seda? I hope you two worked it out. I am about to become romantically involved with a Turkish woman next month. I am Turkish(speaking as well) and my parents live in Turkey and I will be seeing her next month for two weeks. I live in the U.S.

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Where did you go man. You should at least have a monthly update lol. It was interesting reading your story. Hope everything works out for the best. Best wishes. 

Steven

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Hello all,

Just a quick update and sorry it's been a long time since my last post. 

I have been presented with a financial offer to work as an English teacher in Samsun for the 2016-17 school year. 

I am so excited to finally give Seda and I a chance to succeed. There will certainly be some difficult times moving away from my friends and family, but I am so excited to be finally living in the same city as her. 

I can't remember if I've updated any where since my last visit to Turkey when I met Seda's mother and father. It was a quick meeting but it was great to meet with them. Her Dad was really nice and likes me (according to Seda, and I felt the same) however, her mother is going to require some patience. 

There are many details that you all may find interesting, so feel free to ask any questions. Seda will be visiting me in about a months time so we are very much looking forward to that. 

Thanks to those who have supported and followed this since the beginning. True love does happen, and while it's not always easy, it's worth every effort to keep a good woman's love. Long distance, language barrier, cultural barriers, none of this has to matter in the end. 

Hope everyone is well here. 

Best wishes, 

Thomas 

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I'm glad you asked and happy you've been following. 

To answer your first question:The meeting of the parents went fairly well. Her father was very friendly, smiled, and gave off a good positive vibe. Her mother was essentially the opposite, very negative with a sour look on her face. It's been a year since then and her mom has come around--she likes me and wants us to marry, but is afraid that we'll move to America and leave them to grow old alone. I understand her position and I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm sure we'll figure out a way to spend some time in Turkey and some in America, because neither of us are prepared to leave our friends, family, home country, etc.  permanently. 

It really depends on the parents but in general I would number 1 try to learn some Turkish and practice it so you are confident. Just a few phrases like nice to meet you and how are you. It will show a lot of respect and Turks really appreciate when foreigners try to speak their language. It's a sign of respect. I guess you can try to kiss the back of their hand and put it to your forehead. It's something you do with elders. In my case her father just wanted the traditional cheek to cheek greeting but her mom allowed me to do the hand to forehead deal. 

Honestly just try to be confident and relaxed, I was tooo nervous and I think they saw it as a sign of weakness(harsh way to put it but I can't think of another way of saying it) --they never said that or anything but I came to that conclusion on my own. If you smoke, don't smoke in front of them. Try to smile, make eye contact, etc. Turks are very friendly and welcoming, even if the parents aren't at first. If you are a good person and make their daughter happy, they will learn to accept you. 

Hope that helps--there might be some more tips and tricks but I tried to respond to this while I have time. I'm sure others on here can help too. 

Cheers! 

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For the record...I never met my Father in law until 1 week before the wedding to his only daughter.

We'll be married 10 years next May....we have a 6 year old son & have hopped between the US & Turkey since then & now. 

Granted, everyone else in the family other than my FiL knew what was up lol.  We even had her Mom pop over for visits while we were in D.C. & in Little Rock...that's one way to maybe bring her around as well...didn't need to in our case, but wanted to show her America (at the time).  We recently bought property in Izmir...as my wife is from Izmir as well (the 35 has the BEST ladies...FACTS!). 

My advice to you is...GET MARRIED IN TURKEY.  You will avoid having to get a K1 visa and having to be separated again.  TRUST me...I have done it...get married there & get the marriage documents translated & notarized, & apply for residency well in advance.  Any questions just ask...although things may have changed...a good Turkish lawyer can assist.

-Phil

 

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If you do intend to get married in Turkey make sure that you have the correct permits and paperwork . I am British and intended to get married in Turkey but my local registrars office in the UK was in the process of moving to a new location so  the paperwork was delayed.

In the end we had the wedding party in Turkey, followed by honeymoon in Cyprus and actually got married in England six months later.

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What a great story Phil. You deserve some credit for pulling that off in the end. Congratulations on your successful marriage and child, very cool to hear.

If you don't mind me asking, what line of work are you in? We're  hoping to do what you've done and hop between America and Turkey, but I've yet to figure out exactly how that would work with employment for the both of us, etc. 

I appreciate your advice and I think I will contact a lawyer here. We are planning to get married in February during my semester break, and my family is planning on making the trip - very exciting times.. 

So, did you get married in America after the wedding in Turkey?  Did your wife then have to apply for a marriage visa from the US? All of this tends to make my head hurt but it's worth it in the end. It might be time to contact a trusted lawyer, but if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. 

Most importantly-- İzmir girls are great but I'd beg to differ I think girls from the black sea region are the best ;-) (I think we're both obligated to feel how we do on this one)  

Thanks again

Thomas 

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Thank you.

At the time I was active duty military assigned to Izmir AS/NATO.  I'm currently a contractor in the Middle East...can't divulge anymore info than that.  At the present, I split my time between the M.E. & Turkey. 

Once I was married in Turkey & had all the forms done...it was honored in the US.  You will include all the info when you apply for her Visa (if you do everything in Turkey beforehand).  You are issued an international marriage license (translated).  You can make an appointment at the US consulate and that will fulfil the requirement.  The earlier the better, because you will have a separate appointment & a joint interview.  Luckily we were in Turkey at the time.  From start to finish (marriage to visa in her passport) was May '08 to November/Dec '08.  We were leaving back to the US in Feb '09.  Since I was military, it may have helped me.  But I'd expect roughly the same time period.

I'm not sure if Turkey has a "go down to the courthouse/shotgun wedding" paperwork only deal...but maybe you can do that to speed up the process & then have the normal, pompous, over the top proposal/pre-wedding/wedding/masallah party after :)

Bottom line...avoid the K1 visa. 

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Thanks for the advice and quick response.  Stay safe. 

I forgot to include a very important detail, which is that she currently holds a 10 year B2 visitors visa. I wonder if getting married here and changing her name will void this visa? Probably not a question you can answer.

We want to travel to the states this summer and do a wedding celebration there... I think I see why the 'shotgun wedding' deal might be a good idea, if it exists. If she can keep her current visa after the wedding and name change, we could just wait on the immigrant visa. I emailed the consulate in İzmir, asking them about this, however I'm not sure this is a question they'll answer through e-mail. 

What kind of visa does your wife hold now? Should be an IR1 or CR1? 

Thanks again. 

 

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No problem.  My wife is now a dual US/TUR Citizen.  That process is also an extremely lengthy one as well. I don't think the tourist visa would have to be changed (because you will have the marriage cert), but again that's a good question for the consulate.  Also ask what the advantages are of getting married stateside...I feel as though starting it in Turkey is faster & more streamlined than the US.  There's too many factors right now w/immigration stateside.

Let us know what they say...this is great info.

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I have yet to make contact with the consulate although admittedly I have not been able to try a lot, it's just very hard to find the time during their business hours to call and sit and wait.
I am wondering now what information I need to get from America in order to be married in Turkey. What kind of legal paper work is required. I am sure the consulate is the best place to find that info, so I'll start there.

 

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From what I understand I need to fill out and print a form and take it to the Consulate in Ankara (Ankara handles weddings in from Samsun) and then I have to take the affidavit somewhere else but when I click for those instructions I get an error code 404 page not found..

The directions seem pretty straightforward :

Step 1: Fill out online and print out (BUT DO NOT SIGN) the Ankara Affidavit of Eligibility to Marry (PDF 195 KB), Istanbul Affidavit of Eligibility to Marry (PDF 208 KB) or Adana Affidavit of Eligibility to Marry (PDF 369 KB) . If you have  previous marriages, please bring your original or certified divorce decrees with you to the Embassy/Consulate. Write each field exactly as it is in your passport, e.g. United States Department of State.
Step 2: Make an online notarial appointment to apply in Ankara, Istanbul or Adana depending on where you will be getting married.
Step 3: Come to the U.S. Embassy/Consulate to sign the affidavit in person.  Bring your valid U.S. passport. If you have been married previously, also bring an original or a certified copy of your divorce decree. Pay the US $50 fee for notarizing the affidavit of eligibility in U.S. cash or a major credit card.  We do not accept Turkish debit cards or Turkish Liras.
Step 4: Take your notarized affidavit from the U.S. Embassy/Consulate and follow the instructions on where you should be taking the affidavit in Istanbul (instructions on the second page of the affidavit), Adana (instructions on the second page of the affidavit) and Ankara, (follow the instructions on this page).

I am sure they will tell me where to take it after it's notarized.

PeteJF --have you any idea what documents I must have tranlsated?  I don't see anything on the website about bringing any special documents . Unless youre referring to the ones necessary if I have been married previously.

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From what I've read online, I only need to bring my passport and my Turkish marriage affidavit to be signed in front of them. I will try to reach the embassy to confirm that. It just seems too easy, my fiance thinks I need a birth certificate and a form from America certifying my single status, but I can't find anything confirming that online. 

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