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SophieTalbot

15 Year Old, Engaged Or Not?

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15 year old comes from Turkish family, very very strict and traditional (not like my other Turkish students, a lot more strict).

After half term holiday she is now wearing a very pretty and very delicate gold ring. It is heart shaped with some white zirconias stones. She is wearing it on wedding ring finger BUT right hand not left hand.

Asked her is she bought the pretty ring in Turkey, became very defensive and seemingly very angry and said "don't know it was a present"..

I am her teacher and normally get on well with her, don't quite understand her aggressive reaction.

Could the ring be an engagement ring?

She is only 15....

Have I got anything to be worried about for her welfare?

Many thanks for the answer.

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Hi Palipala. Which part of Turkey does she come from. It is very possible that it is an engagement ring. Usually they are just plain gold bands and they are worn on the right hand.

Girls have been know to get engaged even earlier than that. It may be a case that the girl was promised when she was very much younger and now that she is 15 it has been made official.

In Turkey the legal age to marry is 18 but weddings do happen in the South Eastern areas of Turkey a lot younger than that. If she is engaged given her reaction when you asked she maybe isn't happy, or more likely if she told you she was engaged you may have given her a negative reaction,It's good to hear that you are concerned about her. Unfortunately not sure that you can do anything about it.

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Well, I think it's quite normal to have ring on the wedding ring finger and be engaged when you're teenager. In the end engagement doesn't mean you have to get married right away! My cousin was engaged for 10 years and got married only a week ago. She is now 26, so she was already engaged when she was 16. Here in Finland, many of teenagers get engaged at early age. It's more like they want to show they are seriously together (well, how serious teenagers can be..) and they have no glue that engagement is actually promise of marriage. We have already got new expression for them, it's called "teenage engagement" and in a fact everyone who get engaged without serious intentions get that stamp. Of course there are exception like my cousin, but I don't really see reason to be too worried, especially because you are only her teacher. In the end, you cannot do anything for it even though it would be against her will.

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I have to agree with Fen, much as you worry about her it really isn't your business and you are only likely to get into a heap of trouble if you start taking too much of an interest. She obviously doesn't like you asking about it, best to leave it alone I think.

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I tend to agree with you Cukur. There is nothing you can do.

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Okay, that's true nothing much you can do even though my Westerner brain initially said "OMG!!!" I can actually see maybe she is totally fine about it...

The child protection officer will be there if she ever feels she is not happy with what is happening. She never smiles and seems very submissive / withdrawn but at the end of the day, if she needs help she knows we are here. I'll just tell the class if they ever need need with something personal, there is a child protection officer in school and they can listen to them.

Thank you so much for your answers anyway!!

I think she is from Izmir but I am not sure at all :)

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Yes a difficult one and as you are in a position of loco parentis a situation that you feel obliged to become involved in. However if you are to retain this girls confidence at all you should not press her too much on the subject. Teenagers to not like to be pressed on anything. However if you feel concerned tell your immediate superior and the child protection officer. You will then have reported it but do keep the avenues of communication open with your student so that she has someone to talk to if she wants to. Dont mention the subject to her but gain her confidence on other subjects and you may find that in time she may confide in you and of course discuss thia course of action with the CPO.

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