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Very Early Days... Advice For A Young Girl?

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Hi everyone,I met a Turkish guy on chatroulette so it was a chance online meeting. Now we talk and skype everyday and often stay up all night until 5/7am in the morning. He is 21 and says he is very modern and westernized and he seems it (I am 18 from england). He likes to speak english and watches a lot of american shows and listens to english and american music as well as turkish. I know he drinks and he knows I drink and we have also discussed sex before marriage and both said we sex before marriage is fine. He is muslim but he referred to himself as being 'not a very good muslim' and I don't think he takes his religion seriously, it's more just that his family are religious. We get on really well and his english is really good and I am starting to learn some Turkish and he is helping me and is very sweet. I like to think I am a good judge of character and although it is not an ideal way of conducting a relationship, skype at least allows you to see someones face and from his expressions and facial movements etc he seems like an honest and genuine person and not too disimilar from any guys of the same age I meet here. We both said I love you for the first time recently and he said he wishes he was with me so he could be my boyfriend. Myself and my housemate (who is also female and is 22) are intending to go on holiday to Turkey in June, he said he will come to marmaris to meet us and that it's no problem (even though it's 16 hours from where he lives) he has also said we could stay with him if we wanted (he lives not too far from istanbul). Although just for safteys sake I think we will be staying in a hotel. He has also said he would like to visit england to see me but seems more excited by the prospect of me coming to Turkey. I've not structured my post very well (sorry) but what I want to know basically is do you think a relationship could work between a young english and turkish couple? Are the younger generation of men different to the older men? Is he likely to be more 'modern' and westernized? I just wondered how this all sounds to you all, if it sounds genuine, if there's anything I should be wary of or look out for and if you think a relationship is likely to be more successful in terms of the merging of cultures as we are both young?

Thank you :)

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Hi and welcome to the forum.

Good luck with your romance, you will hear and read alot of horror stories and some people will only be glad to get you to read about them..

I cant say if he is gonna be modern or westernised, you need to work that out for yourself... all I can say is that I married a man I met on holiday 19 years ago, and we are still together and very happy. Of course not all holiday romances work out, neither does any marriage.

I would only suggest that you and your friend go on a holiday and that he come to see you while you are there. At the end of the day you have never met, and sometimes people via the net arent what they seem, however, times are changing and there are much more internet relationships than ever before.

All I can say is dont have on rose tinted glasses and keep your wits about you, any tell tale signs of asking for money etc then no..

I do suggest you do a search in here and other forums to read the tales of woe to give you an idea of the pitfalls and traps that some people lay.

I do hope it works out for you though x

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Hi Heartled, welcome to Turkey Central. Let me say for starters I hope your relationship goes really well for you. It can be very easy for a couple such as yourselves to get on well, however, we see a lot of heartache brought to the forum and there are definitely things you should look out for.

First of all I think you should read through a lot of the other post in this Romantic Relationships forum, then have a look at the Marriage and Divorce forum just to get an idea of what can happen when it all goes wrong.

I'm not trying to put you off, but it would be nice to think that you are going into this with your eyes wide open.

Best of luck.

Edit: pretty much exactly what Cleo has said, you must be able to type quicker than me Cleo. :animatedwink[1]:

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Hey Heartled, welcome to the forum.

I met my turkish husband when I was 18 and he was 21. I came on my all girls holiday to Fethiye and he was working as part of the entertainment team. After the 2 weeks we spent together we spoke every day on the net and on the phone but let me tell you something, a relationship over the net is very different to actually being together. I think when you come to Turkey definatly stay in a hotel just to be safe and see how things are between you. If your a good judge of character like you say you are you will see for yourself if he is good and genuine.

Hope it all works out for you. Take Care love Sam xxx

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Hey Heartled, welcome to the forum.

I met my turkish husband when I was 18 and he was 21. I came on my all girls holiday to Fethiye and he was working as part of the entertainment team. After the 2 weeks we spent together we spoke every day on the net and on the phone but let me tell you something, a relationship over the net is very different to actually being together. I think when you come to Turkey definatly stay in a hotel just to be safe and see how things are between you. If your a good judge of character like you say you are you will see for yourself if he is good and genuine.

Hope it all works out for you. Take Care love Sam xxx

Thank you :) Yes, i'm excited to meet him in person but nervous too. And yeah I think we will be staying in a hotel, to be fair I think my mom would freak out if I wasn't. How long have you been together and do you live in Turkey, if you don't mind me asking? xx
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Of course I dont mind you asking, thats what we are all here for to answer your questions and help each other out. I met my husband in Aug 2007 I came back in November 2007 for 3 weeks then I moved to Turkey in March 2008. We moved straight in with each other and let me tell you it was the biggest shock of my life haha both of us were so different we had to work a way out so both of us could keep our old ways hehe. We got married very very fast but I dont regret a minute of it. We got married in October 2008 so it will be 3 years this Halloween (yes people thats my anniversary so I will be excepting gifts hehe). We live in

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hi welcome to the forum & its a good thing to think it all though so thats a good start on your part''He has also said he would like to visit england to see me but seems more excited by the prospect of me coming to Turkey. ''i think hes likely more excited about this as its more realistic & actually going to happen whereas the visa lark for him will be a different ball game & much more of a challenge. I think as the others have said its not impossible to work at the relationship & it become fruitful as it did for us but i think there is no time like the present to get all your ideas & thoughts out on the table....i think if you date someone who is in the same country as yourself there isnt a need to press on each other for answers so much but in this situation i think its normal & right to look further down the line and as someone mentioned above read others stories to see what cropped up for them (good & bad)...better to be in the know than have a shock or a head full of suprises...good luck & ask anything even if it seems odd...as Sam says its good to ask & air issues now...& with us fine by us!if you get carried away when you meet keep your head together & wits about you! & be safe! :animatedwink[1]:

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Hi Heartled and welcome to our forum, glad to see you are being sensible and asking for advice. As others have said just keep your wits about you as it's very easy to miss the warning signs if there are any.

I wish you luck with your relationship and hope it goes well. It would be nice to think he has done his national service and that it's out of the way. Whilst he would like to visit you in the UK it is likely that he won't be able to for some times unless he has got a very good reason to return to Turkey. Visitors visa's are very very hard to get, hopefully he has got a good job which may help. If he is a visa geezer he will probably have to wait a long time as even if you marry he won't be able to apply for a settlement visa to the UK until you have turned 21. I hope you keep posting to let us know how it's going and please ask if you have other questions that you need an answer too. :)

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Of course I dont mind you asking, thats what we are all here for to answer your questions and help each other out. I met my husband in Aug 2007 I came back in November 2007 for 3 weeks then I moved to Turkey in March 2008. We moved straight in with each other and let me tell you it was the biggest shock of my life haha both of us were so different we had to work a way out so both of us could keep our old ways hehe. We got married very very fast but I dont regret a minute of it. We got married in October 2008 so it will be 3 years this Halloween (yes people thats my anniversary so I will be excepting gifts hehe). We live in

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Welcome to our forum Heartled.:)You've just partly answered one of the questions I was going to ask,about your education. So you are planning to go to university (if you can afford it with the fee situation in the UK)? I think that this is important and it would be a shame if you got carried away in your gap year and decided to stay in Turkey with your guy as there would be very little you could do job wise without a degree and even with a degree you would be more or less limited to teaching English until you were able to apply for Turkish nationality after three years.

It would be interesting to know if your friend is at university or what sort of job he does. From what you have said he probably hasn't done his military service which can be 6 months or 15 months.

Graduates have some sort of option to do the shorter time.

It's early days yet and until you have actually met him and spent some time together you won't know whether you will continue with him or not. I think you are being very sensible in trying to find out as much about romances with Turks as they are much more upfront with their feelings than British guys and seem much more romantic. This isn't always sincere and also can and often will change after a couple marry.

Anyway, as suggested, read the posts on the different forum and also go to Sirin's forum Turkish-love.comGood luck

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Welcome to our forum Heartled.:)You've just partly answered one of the questions I was going to ask,about your education. So you are planning to go to university (if you can afford it with the fee situation in the UK)? I think that this is important and it would be a shame if you got carried away in your gap year and decided to stay in Turkey with your guy as there would be very little you could do job wise without a degree and even with a degree you would be more or less limited to teaching English until you were able to apply for Turkish nationality after three years.

It would be interesting to know if your friend is at university or what sort of job he does. From what you have said he probably hasn't done his military service which can be 6 months or 15 months.

Graduates have some sort of option to do the shorter time.

It's early days yet and until you have actually met him and spent some time together you won't know whether you will continue with him or not. I think you are being very sensible in trying to find out as much about romances with Turks as they are much more upfront with their feelings than British guys and seem much more romantic. This isn't always sincere and also can and often will change after a couple marry.

Anyway, as suggested, read the posts on the different forum and also go to Sirin's forum Turkish-love.comGood luck

Hi, i've just done a foundation degree and I am taking a gap year before doing a BA hons. Yes, he is at uni doing construction. There's no way I would let my education plans go down the pan though.. nor would my mom for that matter lol. Thank you for your reply :)
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hi, so the degree will take a few yrs in the UK & that could mean one looooooong distance relationship.....! in many ways i hope you dont fall for him left right & center as it will be a tough but i guess interesting ride :-) lets not forget that love & long distance love at that can disrupt plans even if you try & see them through...so still put your cards on the table & suss out as much as you can when you meet him so as not to waste time interfering with studies further down the line with a costly/time consuming long distance relationship....yes do keep your education at the top of your list! promise yourself :-)I am guessing you are fairly young and as mentioned above education long term is more valuable to you than a long distance relationship on its own.(jumping the gun here a bit but also make sure if you make something of this relationship that HE doesnt pull out of studies for whatever reason..my advice is for him also to keep at it & then the two of you combined will have a fair better chance in life)..sure you both know all that already but love does make people do silly things... :-)

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Hi Heartled,I am married to a Turksih man too, we have been married for 7 years andalthough we lived in Turkey for 3 years we are now living in the UK. I do have to say that most long distance relationships don't work but there are plenty that do so don't be put off.

You are being very senisible staying in a hotel and also having your friend there. Once you have actually met him do take things slowly though and get time to know each other properly and always be thoughful of your safety.

I hope things work out for you x

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  • 2 weeks later...

You sound like your head is screwed on right, so I'd trust your judgement.

As far as your questions about the blending of cultures, I think it comes down to personalities more than anything else...

The fact that he say's he's not a very good Muslim to me means that he was raised with the values, so he knows what he should be doing, but since he lives near Istanbul, he's also very modern and westernized...

My advice is to keep getting to know each other and be very honest in where you stand on values... Don't say things to please him and don't hold back on how you really feel for fear of offending him. If you can have an honest exchange and still really enjoy each other, then anything is possible.

I say that from experience... I'm married to a Turk and though on paper we may seem to have many differences, in reality, we are a great match... But it takes time and communication to discover if the two of you have long-term potential...

Good luck!

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