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Found 10 results

  1. Hello everyone, I hope it's okay that I'm posting here, I read this forum regularly and I need some advice. In July I visited Turkey with a friend and her family, I'd been before but nearly 10 years ago now. My friend has been going every year since she was young, we are very aware of the reputation Turkish resort workers have, so I went on this holiday with no intention of getting involved with anyone. Well that didn't last lol. Our group became close with one of the workers at the hotel - J. He wanted more than friendship with me, but from the beginning I made it clear that I wasn't going to sleep with him but it would be nice to get to know each other as friends. He speaks very good English so I know he understood. He was very respectful of this and did not pressure me for more at all. As the holiday went on and we spent a lot of time with each other (he would sit with me during his shift when it was quiet, and after his shift we would go for walks around the village), I realised I had feelings for him and things developed. (I thought he was different I guess due to him still wanting to spend time getting to know me, despite me making it clear nothing would happen, and there being plenty of other girls who seemed to like him in the resort who he paid no attention to.) Leaving Turkey I was really upset, but I thought it was just a holiday romance and didn't expect to ever see him again. He insisted he would call and message me but I took that with a pinch of salt. But he kept to his word - for the next two months he called me every night after work, which meant a lot to me considering he was working 14 hour days 7 days a week and was exhausted. He always remembered things I had said to him when I was out there and things that were important to me, and if his internet ran out he'd stay at work for an extra hour to use their wifi to call me. At the beginning of August, about a month after we met, I found out from a mutual friend that he had been messaging another customer. Nothing had happened but he had been flirting with her. I confronted him about this and explained that it was best we were just friends as I could no longer trust him. He still called me every night, crying, begging for another chance, and after a lot of going back and forth I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, as we weren't actually in a relationship and he seemed genuinely sorry. Me and my friend who I had originally gone away with then booked a holiday in September to go back to that resort, she had also met a guy out there who was J's friend, so it was the perfect situation for us to get to know them both better. Just before I left for the airport, he called me and said he had told the whole hotel including customers that his girlfriend was coming to visit, which was the first time he called me his girlfriend (he had originally said he didn't want to rush things and become girlfriend and boyfriend before getting to know each other better, but after two months of talking every day and becoming so close, it felt like the right time). That holiday was perfect, during the day when he was working he was very open about his relationship with me, introducing me to customers he was friends with, giving me a kiss whenever he walked past me, and generally being very affectionate. During his break we would go for walks or he would buy me lunch, and after his shift finished we would stay in a hotel which we took it in turns to pay for (he wanted to pay every night and never asked me to, but knowing how little he earns I wouldn't let him). One night I was very sick and and he called my apartment and said he would use the tips he had earned that night to pay for a taxi (i couldn't walk) and a hotel room for us because he wanted to look after me. On the last night he told me he was in love with me and asked if I would visit him when the season finished so that we could spend proper time together before he started his winter job, so I booked to visit for 5 days at the beginning of November. Being apart this time was really hard for me, and resulted in some tension and arguments between us, we are both very stubborn so we clash sometimes. But we would always sort things out very quickly and it made us stronger as a couple. November came around and we spent five very lovely days in the village. He paid for an apartment for us and we took it in turns paying for lunch and groceries for dinner. He cooked for me every night, took me to the dog kennels because he knows I love dogs (even though he's terrified of them), introduced me to his cousins and friends, and generally was very thoughtful and generous (he would always try to buy me things and made a lot of effort to make sure I was always happy and having the best time possible). However, whilst I was there, something happened which has made me doubt him, and I'm so upset about it as despite what had happened in August, I had trusted him 100%. We were using his phone to put songs on YouTube, and a message from a customer I knew about (she was always tagging him and his friends in pictures on Facebook) came up, saying something along the lines of "why cant we just be together". I was pretty drunk and feeling brave (lol) so against my better judgement I opened and read the conversation, and it was along the lines of her telling him she loved him and him asking her why she was saying that and getting annoyed at her. It also showed he had borrowed money off of her. !!! Red flag !!! Immediately, I asked him about her. It turns out they had a short fling (two days) last year and she had never gotten over it and was in love with him, always asking him to go on dates and getting angry when he spoke to other female customers, even though he had made it clear to her that they were just friends. I asked if she knew about me and he said no, and explained that his boss had asked him to keep me a secret so that she would keep coming back to the resort restaurant every night to spend money. I asked him why he asked her for money, and he explained that he knew she would lend him money and he didn't want to ask me because I'm his girlfriend. I was really hurt that this was all kept a secret. I understand it's all part of their job, however I wish he had explained the situation to me instead of keeping it a secret. His reasoning was that although he kept wanting to tell me, he was scared he would lose me. I do understand his reasoning and I believe him that nothing happened between them, as while she was out there he was still calling me every night after work and falling asleep on the phone to me, and from her messages it's clear he was rejecting her. But, keeping secrets from me made me question whether I could trust him or not. I explained this to him and said, once again, that I can't be in a relationship with him if I can't trust him, and he has insisted that he will do everything possible to prove himself to me etc. Basically, I'm just so stuck. The time we spent together in September and November was perfect until I found out about the girl. In my heart, I feel like I can trust him. I think he lied to me because he was scared of what would happen (not an excuse but in all fairness I don't know if I would've reacted well), and although he could have told her about me, this would get him in a lot of trouble at work. He still calls me everyday and I want to be with him, however, my friends say he is using me, either for money or a visa, and that he has proved himself to be a liar. And due to him knocking my trust for him, it's put doubt into my head. The friend that has met him and seen us together thinks he is genuine but that it's not worth the stress he's caused me, but obviously I think he is worth it.. I do have a temper on me, if he does something that bothers me I will happily call him out on it, which has caused arguments. This other girl would do anything for him, and I get the impression he would have a very easy relationship with her. Surely if he just wanted a visa or money, he would be with her instead, and wouldn't have stuck with me through our issues and arguments. I know there is nothing between them anymore as he made that clear in the messages I saw, and he regularly uploads pictures of me and him on his social media which she follows/is friends with him on. He has hundreds of customers on these accounts, they definitely aren't secret accounts he uses just for me (I know that's a common thing). We had a long chat recently about how both of us have made mistakes and that we both need to be more understanding of each others needs, and I know we can be very happy together, but I'm hesitant. I guess my question is - do you guys think I'm being naive? My gut says I can trust him, but due to his actions and the words of others, I'm worried I'm falling into the same trap as other girls have.. Also - I would love to meet some more people with partners who live in Turkey. It would be great to chat to people who have been or still are dealing with the long distance or dating a resort worker etc! Thank you in advance and thank you if you managed to read the whole thing!, LC
  2. Hello everyone before 4 months i was in Istanbul ( I am not Turkish) , i met a Turkish man twice , he asked my Instagram and i added him, after a week he start sending me messages, first of all he told me he was divorced after a marriage that last for 2 years and knew his ex-spouse for 4 years, (with no kids) he said he doesn't like her anymore,he is 35 and i am 21, he tried after while to talk dirt and try to get my number , and keep sending his number and photos and i stopped him and told him i will no longer talk to him if he didn't stop,and he stopped it and never repeat it after that,he asked me after 2 month for marriage i said yes , he said he wants to have a family and be a father , he showed me to his mother and she liked me , he said he doesn't have money to marry so i have to wait this summer or next year i offered money help he became angry for a weak from me , besides he doesn't talk too much to me frequently he sent me message before he sleep (he works till 22:30) ,talking how much he loves me and our future life and wishing if i am with him ,and i am a bit scary that he is only have fun with me and maybe because he is old he will look for a local Turkish girl and make it easy, we only have the agreement of marriage and that i will move to Istanbul to live there we did not discuss anything else, AND i can`t keep talking to him he can`t run a conversation and i feel so bad to do that instead of him and he doesn't talk too much because he doesn't know English and i do not know Turkish (Using google Translate) , recently i am learning ,,, so what do you think people ?,,,,P.S i love him and my family agreed
  3. Hello everyone! I have just joined the forum and am so glad to have found a place where I can seek advice about my situation. I am an 18 year old girl living in Ireland. I met this turkish guy at the restaurant I started working at 8 months ago and have liked him from the start. He is 27 and has been living here for 3 years now. It was very obvious to me that we both had a connection from the start but neither of us worked up the guts to address the issue. We've always flirted..but in the last few months it's become so much more then that. Last week we finally talked about it and told each other how we feel. I can't quite say that we are in love yet,but it's definitely heading down that road. When he found out I felt the same way, he was left reeling. Bottom line is we both want to be together, but my parents are very religious and traditional people and there would be talk of disowning me from the family if we got together,I'm certain. This guy..He is like no one else I've met before. He doesn't overdo the charming thing like I've read many turkish man do...and he doesn't get touchy feel too often. But when he does,it melts my heart. He said he's been waiting for someone like me for years and he's finally found me. Anyhow,seeing as I'm only 18 and still living with parents , I suggested that we wait a year as friends to figure out if what we are feeling is true or not,and for me to be a bit older. If we still long for each other by the end of the year, I am willing to fight for it and give it a proper shot. I can't help but feel this tiny seed of doubt in the back of my mind that he is too good to be true and that there has to be a catch. He was born muslim but isn't awfully interested in the whole "religious" aspect of things. I would really appreciate any advice or opinions that people would have..it'd be a great help.
  4. Selam Arkadaslar! I am really thankful that I found this site! I am Jane and I am from the Philippines. I met my turkish boyfriend through online dating site. We've been together for more than a year now and I love him so much. We've been through a lot problems but we still managed to be together and keep our relationship strong. For the past months I am having a hard time trusting my boyfriend. He cheated on me by having online girlfriends and now I feel that something is wrong again. Anyway my question is my boyfriend ask me to delete or hide my cover photo on Facebook (photo is a collage of picture of him and me together) because he said his sister will get angry at him if she sees it. He said that it is disrespectful for his family and friends if they see and found out that we are officially together without me meeting his family first. I just want to understand is this is true? Is it forbidden for him to acknowledge me or make our relationship known to his family and friends if I haven't met his family? I would really appreciate your help. Thank you in advance.
  5. Hi! I'm Alex, I am Asian and I have a boyfriend from turkey. I met him online and we've been in a relationship for almost a year now. I had no idea that I'd be falling for him. But, he proved of his good intentions. We started exchanging messages for at least a month before he confessed. Since then, we've been in love. He already introduced me to his friends but not yet to his family and he said that he needed time before doing so. I respect that. Neither have I introduced him to mine. I don't want to be blinded about my feelings for him, so I searched about what typical Turks are. I must say, its overwhelming. Coz most of the things I read are good and matched his sooo good characteristics. The others I read are somehow, not so impressing, but I know that its in general. But there's this one that caught my attention and it says something like this: That Turks only go for non-Turk for sex and then leave them after. It made me feel off.. Anyway, he had never been to our country and we've been talking about him coming over anytime soon. I'm feeling so anxious to seeing him. But the thing about what I read online is making me worry. I need advice. THANKS in advance.
  6. Hiya So here is the issue. im engaged to a Turkish man who I met in Kusadasi. We have been together for 2 years now, we got engaged in November last year and plan to marry in April 2014. Ive been backwards and forwards numerous times to Turkey to visit him all of which I have always paid for. My flights, our hotel, food, drink etc. As the relationship progressed he started paying for things too except of course flights and hotels. I have sacrificed jobs in this country to be able to spend time with him. I left my good job at William Hill betting shop to spend 2 months with him in Kusadasi. I also lost 2 other jobs after that in the space of 4 months. My family disapprove of our relationship in some ways as they do not want me to marry him without them being there. We will be getting married in His village near to Nevsehir and the cost is my parents main issue. Flights, hotel etc. Since we go engaged he has been very controlling towards me, if I take clothes with me that are too "naked" as he says he wont let me wear them. In England he dosent like me going out drinking so guess what to keep him happy either I stay in or I lie to him about my where abouts. Which gets me in to trouble as he then requests a picture to prove im in bed or where I say am. Tonight I have arranged to go for tea with a friend I told him I was going because he had been invited to a friends house for tea. We meet every night on Skype. SInce I informed him im going for a meal he has now became angry and said we cant be together like this, he dosent want me in his life anymore, we cant be married etc etc. I have met his family and they fell in love with me instantly. They even asked him how he found me because we have so much in common. Ive heard the whole its over I go to finish u now crap too often but I try and make everything ok? I feel he controls my life and I don't feel I can live the way a 23 English girl should be living. Ive sacrificed so much for him and I am prepared to jump ships and move to Turkey in January to live with him and his parents on their farm. Much to my parents delight. Does anybody else on the forum have the same controlling guy as me or who has had a controlling guy? any help would be great as I really do love my man. He is 33 and acts like a 4 year old having tantrums. Big essay I no but I had to get it off my chest and where better to do it then on a forum full of people in love with Turkey and the men who live there
  7. There have been some disastrous relationships between foreign women and the Turkish men they've met on holiday. It's the women who end up suffering as a result, even after the "relationship" has gone on for some time. Yes, some of these romances work out well, and I'm definitely not trying to paint all Turkish men with the same broad brush.Remember this, ladies: The learned (and practiced) skills which make a man a good barman, animator, or waiter, the skills which enable him to convince passers-by to eat their restaurant are the same skills which make him good with women.Turkish Men – Why Your Holiday Romance Is Doomed
  8. Merhaba everyone I am new to the forums. I am dating a man from Adana and we have been dating a little over a month. He seems very sweet, but he is also very hard-working....which makes talking to him kind of hard, at times (because he is always at work!). Sometimes we have communication problems because he speaks English fairly well, but oftentimes he comes across something that he doesn't know how to say. Unfortunately, I do not know Turkish. I have been trying to learn it but it is a lot more difficult because it is nothing like the languages I already know! (Spanish and English). Anyway, I was wondering about cultural differences. This man has been a real gentleman. He always pays, he always drives, etc. But I feel bad for him paying; when I offer to pay he tells me, "I would feel so bad if you paid!". Also, my birthday passed, and he gave me some pretty elaborate gifts considering the short amount of time we were dating. He gave me a very elaborate Turkish shawl, an evil eye, and a shirt. I'm not used to someone spending that much money on me, and it makes me feel kind of guilty! But I do not want to offend him or make him think that his generosity is not appreciated. However, although I think this guy has good intentions, I worry that he is trying to "own" me by buying me so many things. However, he said that Turkish men are taught to impress a woman like this and that Turkish women expect this from them (I don't know if this is true!! He seems pretty Westernized in some aspects. I was really worried about coming across as an easy, American girl, so I tried to not show a lot of skin in public, but he has traveled a lot outside of Turkey so I think that it doesn't really bother him. He is Muslim, but non-practicing. Anyway, what can I expect in a relationship with a Turkish man? My guy seems very sweet and although he says that all Turkish men are jealous, I have never seen him get jealous or controlling. What do Turkish men want out of a relationship with an American girl? I am very independent and I worry if that is a problem. I just want to understand that cultural differences I can expect so that I can understand them and work through them. Also, he plans on staying in the US to work. He is in the process of getting his PhD.
  9. Sorry - I'll try and keep this brief but I will shortly be returning to Istanbul, where I may be meeting a guy I encountered when I was there earlier this year.Since then he has been bombarding me with text and facebook messages - it's almost been embarrassing.I've heard all the horror stories about Turkish guys, especially the ones that work the resorts, but everything I know about this bloke seems to suggest he is genuine.He has a professional job, lovely flat in Istanbul, has a big loving family - they are Kurds - , doesnt practice Islam (not that I'd care) and EVERYONE seems to adore him - including some old British friends who describe him as one of the family.He has lived in the States, is well travelled, two years younger than me and got divorced a couple of years ago.Thoughts please?I feel like I'm being paranoid but I cant afford another mistake and I'm not in the market for anymore pain and humiliation - I can get plenty of that at home!!
  10. hello,I am an American woman recently married to a Turkish man. We met on facebook and I am not sure how he found me to begin with. I was not looking. We began a internet relationship; seeing each other every minute we could on the webcam even the the time difference. He didn't know any english but because he loved me he began to take classes. He devoted himself many times openly on his facebook and even deleted all the woman. We talked about everything. What we wanted and marriage and headship and respect. We talked about children and even decided on how many and their names. I have been in love with the country before I met him. I even wanted to move there one day. He had no problem with me being an American because even though he is muslim he is not practicing it completely. He did say he would like me to become a muslim wife and I agreed; but without wearing the head scarf. I believe in God and he was very happy with this. He lives in Istanbul and has been there since he was a teenager. His father died in 2006 and his mother lives 9 hours away near Izmir. I don't know turkish well and one time I was able to speak to his mother and sister on the phone while he watched on the webcam. He was so happy. He was so much in love with me. Always telling me he wanted us to be happy and make me happy. I thought finally I found a man for me. He wanted me to move to Istanbul but since the economy was not good we talked and finally after much back and forth; he agreed to move here. I have a house and good stable job and he could finish his english and go to school maybe get a trade for a good job while I worked. I wanted him to succed in life. I also never wanted him to give up his family. He loves his mother and is the oldest son; so he takes on responsibility to help her with money. I agreed to be a part to that because I know how things are in their culture. I had not issues. I have much love for her. I want to be a part of the family. After we married in Istanbul we agreed I would fill out forms for his immigration petitions and work toward a k3 visa. I had no idea how long it would take for the processing with homeland security. The waiting was killing and me. We continued our connection online and with phone calls of love and missing each other. At first I had to change all my info like my name and get out marriage petition translated before I could start the process; and also pay a fee. I thought it would only be a few months; but ended up being 5 for the petitions to be approved. I thought this was all I needed. I was wrong. The next thing was to send the petitions to the National Visa Center. This just started on October. It was very close to being final but my husband continued to complain about the waiting and being bored. It was something out of my control. All the sudden he stopped communication with me. The last time he told me he loved me was in October on Facebook. After that he wouldn't answer my calls and he was never on the computer. One day I finally talked to him; he said he was not happy and didn't want to come here. I begged him to please finish this it would be worth it. He didn't want it. He said he was happy in turkey and he would leave his family. But in Turkey my husband has a job that does not pay good; no health insurance and he only has one year of high school education. I don't think he is stupid; I know he is not his english learning is very good. In the mean time I helped pay for school, sent money for his mother and he even bought a car but had an accident and I sent him money to get it fixed. I have always told him my love for him and never lied to him; only wanting the best.So now he tells me he loves another woman. I didn't believe it because I knew he loved me; many times he proved that to me. he even told one of my friends to tell me this. then I later confirmed it with a message from his brother. I am confused why he would give up on our marriage before it started. I am think this girl is an ex-girlfriend. I have been told that he has know her for over a year and once lived with her. So this indicates it is her. He told her before we were married that he was getting married and she as very angry. So now that I am not with him for all these months I feel has worked herself back in his life. He has become very angry with me even saying hurtful things to me without warrant. I don't understand why he would do this to me if he ever cared about me or loved me. He has mentioned divorce but not pursued it. I don't want a divorce. I love him. He hasn't given our marriage a chance. I am not sure he wants to marry her but only have her as a girlfriend. I don't know much because when I have talked to him on the phone he has gotten angry with me and says he doesn't want to come here. I have texted him and told him I will move there for him. I wanted him to finish the visa at least. If not it would have to start all over. But he is unwilling. Most recently he has not called me or email me and I have not done so either; he still kept his facebook with me as his wife. Then last Sunday he deactivated it. I called him about it. before we married I knew my husband was a jealous man. I deleted many men friends off my facebook for him. I only wanted him and they were not important. Well I decided to add some of his friends ( as a suggestion) to my facebook to see if he was conversing with them and not me. He was this and when I asked why he deactivated his account he became very angry asked me about adding his friends; said he was single. I stated not you are not. I said you are angry and you tell me that you love another; he arrogantly said yes. I said I must come to turkey for a divorce; this is what I have read on the embassy website. I explained I only was looking for him when I added the friends. He didn't believe me; then he kept saying I dont' want you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I divorce you. Don't call me. I believe he knew I was going to call him. I am confused at his reaction. If he loved another then why did he act so childishly. If he wanted a divorce then he needs to find out how to divorce me. I have not choice but to got to Turkey in February again. I must see him face to face. How does a man stop loving his wife after over one year of devotion? I have tried to make him happy. because his english is limited his knows what will hurt me; divorce; no love from him; being with another woman while we are married and the simple words of hate.Some people believe this girl has created this in him. They also believe once he sees me he will remember the love he has for me. either way it is hurting me.I am much older than my husband; he is early twenties; everyone who sees me thinks I am much younger. I like all the same things he does;I still feel young inside. He knew my age before so that shouldn't be the issue and when came to turkey he is the one that initiated our marriage. I told him I we didnt' have to get married.I fear that when I arrive (alone with no help) he will not talk with me to settle things. What do you think about this situation... Please advise.
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