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Found 37 results

  1. I've met this guy through online dating app. He was a soldier. I'm a newbie professor living in the Philippines.. He was 23 and I'm 19. Now...he say he can't go to my country because turkey soldiers were banned to travel abroad since last year. Should i trust him on that? Coz i searched about turkey soldiers being banned to travel abroad....and i cant find similar to that...so...i made a fake account and add his soldier friends and other relatives. Then i asked them if its true then i got a positive reply...soldiers are banned to travel in other countries ...but i want more clarifications and advice... He say that he will buy me ticket so i can visit him in turkey. I told him that i can't go there just alone...so we agreed that i will visit him with mom. And mom's traveling cost will be my own expenses. He will buy a ticket just for me. I ask him if i can meet his family he say it must be good if we go to Cappadocia first. Hmm. Really i was suspecting him ..i don't know please help me...i also don't know what to ask here or to say ... Thanks in advance.
  2. I have travelled to Turkey a lot a speak the language fluently. I've only dated on Turkish man before. The relationship was very innocent so I have no experience with Turkish men in their early 20's.
  3. American in Turkey

    Hello, My name is Robert. I am a 28 year old American who has been dating a Turkish woman for some time. While she is Turkish by nationality, she has an Albanian heritage and strong ties to it at that. We had known one another for roughly a year prior to forming any sort of intimate relationship. We are both madly in love and although it has not been long we are fully aware that this is our next step, marriage. I want to do this properly, as in abiding by all traditional Turkish customs. As I think this is important to her. I know some small details about asking her parents, speaking with her father drinking Chai or Kahve. But I really want to make sure that I do this the proper way. So I guess my question is does anyone have any advice or really any awareness of customs when it comes to making a Turkish proposal? I have had the opportunity to meet her parents, prior to us dating and they know who I am. BUt this October will be the first time they meet me as more than just a friend of hers. thank you everyone all advice is greatly appreciated and I am looking forward to both going to vist her and the future that we are starting.
  4. Hello. My apologies if this is the wrong area to post this but this is a fairly broad question. The backstory of this as follows. I am a British male and I met a Turkish girl online through mutual interests about two years ago. We quickly discovered we have a strong connection and we've always felt like we were just made for each other. I've met her once briefly and I am going to meet her again early next year. At this point we've been doing long distance for a long time. It even got too hard at one point and reluctantly we took a break. My question is this. Is it possible for our relationship to work? We want to be together but immigration seems like it will make that almost impossible. She is starting to feel like just being long distance and travelling to see each other as often as possible just isn't enough. It makes life too difficult despite how much we care about each other. I can't blame her for that but I really don't want to give up on this unless there is no chance. Are there any options for us to be together that you can recommend? We would love to be able to live together but the only thing I can think of is to save money, get a tourist or resident permit and just live together in Turkey until my time runs out. Of course that's not ideal either because I'd then have to go home for god knows how long, get another job and save more money. This is the girl I can see myself starting a family with. Is there any path we can take to have a life together?
  5. Hello! I am new to this and need some advice! I met a Turkish guy who was working In the hotel I was staying in. We hit it off and have kept in touch. (even though there is a bit of a language barrier!) He has told me he Loves me and wants to be with me but then one day from nowhere he told me he 'might' have a Turkish girlfriend! I told him we will just stay friends and nothing else... Then a few weeks later he messaged me to say they had split up because he wants to be with me and wants to Marry me! I have heard the stories about 'holiday romances' before and I don't know if I should believe him! Is he saying this to other girls he has met in the hotel? Help!
  6. Hey everyone. I'm a 21 year old guy who has been living in Turkey for 2 months near Izmir. I'm half Turkish half English and I speak Turkish fluently. I have an English name and when ever I tell people they name they look at me so weird haha as my Turkish is actually perfect. I didn't grow up with a big family like most Turks and pretty much grew up with just my mother and brother. Me and my brother both moved here and have started a business which has been doing really well so finances is not an issue at all. I'm having trouble understanding the dating culture here. Whats the best way to ask these girls out? How many dates until you can go for the kiss, hold hands and stuff? I understand that girls want to get married once they start dating a guy and I'm ok with that as I would love to settle with a nice Turkish girl. I'm also skinny (going to start hitting the gym as its getting a little embarrassing haha) but I dress well (suit whenever I'm at work) and drive a nice car. I just feel like the girls aren't very interested. I also have a hard time understanding the humour and I'm sometimes lost for words as I don't want to say stupid things. I also live near Izmir.
  7. Hello, My name is Cameron. I'm prior military(US Army). Just got back home a few months ago and decided to restart my life. I signed up on a dating/social app called POF. I met a woman on there who's Turkish. Very traditional mindset but with a modern american twist. We're both Muslim and shes stunning with an accent that's to die for. Now I'm 23 and she's 25. Culturally these are the typical ages where one should be focused on family and things of that sort. I've had my fair share of run ins with ladies at bars, clubs, and other social events. However, I'm not sure what it is about this woman but i cant get her out of my mind. We've seen each other a few times and its nothing like what I'm used too. Sometimes i'm not sure what to or how to prove to her that I'm serious. Shes very attractive and I'm more than sure theres alot of guys hitting on her but it makes me happy knowing that she wants to spend time with me. shes grabbed my hands a few times and has given me kisses on the cheek when i drop her off. Sadly i found out that she has to leave in about 5 months because of her tourist visa. She says shes willing to stay and things for like school or something. Shes the most beautiful woman I've ever had want to get to know me and i don't want to rush anything but I'm not sure how to get her to see that i want her. To show her that I'm willing to take her serious.She wants a real relationship and marriage and a family. Which in time i'm more than willing to give to her. Does anybody have any tips on this? I've never posted on something like this before and never really asked for advice because i was quite wild before the military so never thought about it. But after the military my outlook on life changed and now i want the same thing she does. But is it worth going for even if she may possibly leave in half a year? I've never been in love before and don't know if this would cause more harm than good. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  8. Im in a relashionship with a Turkish hansome Guy, We are both Master degree Students, im 30 years old and he is 29. But we are been together for 2 Months but we never kiss each other, because he never ask me... I really want to kiss him, but i dont ask him, because i dont want to seen desesperate.... How long i have to wait?? How long do you waint until you receive the first kiss from Turkish boyfriend???..
  9. Moving abroad before army

    Hi my fiancée and I have been together for 4 years. He's turkish and I'm British and he's coming 21 years of age. He has delayed the army for a few years due to his mums health and is due to go in, in 2017. We're quite happy to do this however, several of his family members have said if I got a lawyer on the English side he will have a chance to come into the country before he does his army service and we would be able to buy out of it after 3 years... Does anyone know the possibility or risks of this? Before we pay out for help and end up with nothing. This would be so much better for us if possible as my father is ill and it would be a chance to get to know each other before he passes and also be able to start a family. If not we will continue on with our original plan.
  10. Hello everyone! I have just joined the forum and am so glad to have found a place where I can seek advice about my situation. I am an 18 year old girl living in Ireland. I met this turkish guy at the restaurant I started working at 8 months ago and have liked him from the start. He is 27 and has been living here for 3 years now. It was very obvious to me that we both had a connection from the start but neither of us worked up the guts to address the issue. We've always flirted..but in the last few months it's become so much more then that. Last week we finally talked about it and told each other how we feel. I can't quite say that we are in love yet,but it's definitely heading down that road. When he found out I felt the same way, he was left reeling. Bottom line is we both want to be together, but my parents are very religious and traditional people and there would be talk of disowning me from the family if we got together,I'm certain. This guy..He is like no one else I've met before. He doesn't overdo the charming thing like I've read many turkish man do...and he doesn't get touchy feel too often. But when he does,it melts my heart. He said he's been waiting for someone like me for years and he's finally found me. Anyhow,seeing as I'm only 18 and still living with parents , I suggested that we wait a year as friends to figure out if what we are feeling is true or not,and for me to be a bit older. If we still long for each other by the end of the year, I am willing to fight for it and give it a proper shot. I can't help but feel this tiny seed of doubt in the back of my mind that he is too good to be true and that there has to be a catch. He was born muslim but isn't awfully interested in the whole "religious" aspect of things. I would really appreciate any advice or opinions that people would have..it'd be a great help.
  11. Selam Arkadaslar! I am really thankful that I found this site! I am Jane and I am from the Philippines. I met my turkish boyfriend through online dating site. We've been together for more than a year now and I love him so much. We've been through a lot problems but we still managed to be together and keep our relationship strong. For the past months I am having a hard time trusting my boyfriend. He cheated on me by having online girlfriends and now I feel that something is wrong again. Anyway my question is my boyfriend ask me to delete or hide my cover photo on Facebook (photo is a collage of picture of him and me together) because he said his sister will get angry at him if she sees it. He said that it is disrespectful for his family and friends if they see and found out that we are officially together without me meeting his family first. I just want to understand is this is true? Is it forbidden for him to acknowledge me or make our relationship known to his family and friends if I haven't met his family? I would really appreciate your help. Thank you in advance.
  12. I have a bit of a strange situation. I've been doing a lot of reading but there is just so complication information out there that I feel I just need some direct advice after explaining my situation. I'm a 22 year old UK citizen. I'm currently unemployed though I am actively looking for full time work. I currently have around £5000 in savings. I was in a relationship with a Turkish girl for almost a year but because neither of us were in a position to travel and see each other things eventually got strained and we reluctantly decided to break up. Not long ago we got back in touch and have been talking a lot. It feels to both of us like we never even broke up. Our situations have changed and I plan on going to visit her on a 1 week holiday to turkey in June provided she is okay with it, I didn't actually ask her yet. I want to be with this girl more than anything and I don't want the complications that screwed us over last time to happen again. I see this as a second chance and I'm not willing to let it slip by. I'm fully committed to finding a way to be with her. I'm also fully aware that getting her to the UK would be next to impossible, but me going to Turkey and potentially living there permanently is something I would absolutely be willing to do, though I have no idea what the requirements would be or how I would work. For now my question is this. Right now she is working, her contract will end soon and she is currently living with her parents and has been using the opportunity to save as much money as possible. She really wants to get her own place though as she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents. I believe I read that on a tourist visa I could stay in Turkey up to 90 days. My question is would I be able to use a tourist visa to go over there for a few months and live with her if she got her own place, ideally helping support her financially through savings as well. And I suppose a follow up question would be how would I go about spending longer and longer periods there? Of course I plan on having worked for a while in the UK before really going for this. I need to be with this girl. If any of you have any experiences which could help me get from where I am now to seeing her frequently I would be very grateful.
  13. I am a Young Turkish-American who is in his mid 20's born and raised in the States. I just recently finished school and didn't get a degree, due to not being able to get accepted into a Vocational Program. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I just recently this summer came back from a trip to see my relatives and I first of all have to say I really enjoy seeing the lifestyle there. I enjoyed being around my relatives, as well as the hospitality of all my relatives. I cried seeing kids playing happily in the streets of the neighborhoods, as I don't see this stuff at all in local Southern California neighborhoods. I also have noticed that when I am shopping malls, airports and other places, I have caught myself staring at girls way more in one month then I do in a whole year and am interested in meeting a girl from Turkey. I was wondering, how do more physically attractive girls in Turkey think like. Will the judge you if your not physically attractive (I don't look like a macho bad boy, I am really skinny, I have a really high pitched tone of voice, I look way younger then my actual age, and consider myself extremely plain looking), do not have a Bachelors Degree (due to struggling with a Behavioral+Learning Disability) and I am taking some time to figure out what to do with your life. As a person, I have a good personality, am very fun to be around, and whenever my relatives back in Turkey see me, they consider me to be really fun to be around and I have younger male cousins who look up to me and greatly respect me. Can a person like me get away with mainly a nice personality, fun to be around and having a good sense of humor, or will girls and their families be judgmental just because I am lacking some strengths as a person. I mean if I date a girl, I will be willing to do things like treat her like a queen, be as fun to be around as possible, do things like clean the house up and make food and other things. I will even better myself as a human being too. So will having a good personality be enough to get girls that look like on a 8/10 scale. Another thing is since I just recently went on a trip to see my relatives who live all the way in Turkey, I had so much fun and so much amazing memories hanging out various places, which I don't think I will be enjoying for a while if you ask me. I was going to nice pristine beaches drinking on the beach, meeting random people during the summer vacation, trying to talk to random girls at beach places and island places, having good times with my cousins and so on. This had led me almost consider living there for a couple of years, see how it is like and how I can improve my Turkish language skills. I was originally considering to look into starting a Small Business, or get my Insurance License, or start Writing Books to earn $, but now, this trip I have enjoyed a whole lot really makes me think, boy I miss seeing all of my relatives so much to the point I want to live there. But will it be realistic for me to move there all the sudden the same year after enjoying this trip, or should I just build a career in the States for a while, maybe going to see relatives more and maybe move permanently in the future once I can speak Turkish fluently (I have a hang of the language somewhat but need improvement). What is your take about this issue guys about what girls I am looking for and whether if they will judge me or not? What about how realistic it is to move to Turkey maybe in a few months to year, or maybe in a few years? I'd like to hear some opinions.
  14. Hello, I am sorry for the long post. I have been in a long distance relatioship for 1 year 4 months now with a Turkish/Armenian Girl. It i a long distance realtionship. I have met her parents as I have visited. Now down the road im beginning to get confused about the culture and dating. I Love this girl so much. She invited me to visit and meet her parent which I did and was so greatful and had the best time of my life with her. I got to learn some of the culture esspecially when it comes to dating. I understand that there are certain ways that I must go about it to show respect to her, her parent and her culture. Like holding hands and sitting to close etc.... But recently I have found myself feeling like she is now keeping me a secret as she said we are not allowed to be in an open relationship because of her culture. For example one day I wanted to surprise her and possible bring a smile to her face as I added the "In a Relationship Status" on my Profile and had tagged her name in it. Keep in mind we have been dating for over a year and already met her parent. I was soon confronted by her and she was very angry that I had done so saying that its not allowed. She didnt explain why. I then began to research the rules and customs of dating in her culture. I felt myself really upset as I do not see why I must remain a secret to certain people, I feel. Maybe the rest of her family would not approve. I have been trying so hard to keep up afloat and now she tells me I am pushing to much. I am forcing my Love out when it should just come. We have had a rough few month as I did let the communtcation die off for a bit and I have accepted I was in the wrong for doing so and I should have been there for her. But now when I am here, when I try to keep our relationship alive and communication open. She tells me she is confused and I am trying to hard. i need to relax. Am I over thinking this? Am I over reacting? I do not want to be a secret or treated as such. She doesn't pick up on this. I am not forcing myself to be here for her but i am just being here because I love her and want to be here for her. She doesnt even have the interest to skype me anymore which hurts as I would only love to see my loves beautiful smile once in a while. I cant even get a picture. But I do make sure and send pictures and videos for her just so she may not feel that I am miles away. It is a long distance relationship. I am working my hardest to make it work and hopefully soon be able to move to her. I'm afraid how things are going it wont last to that point and it terrifies me. I LOVE HER, She Loves me or atleast she says she does. Am I missing something. Am i asking to much not to want to be a secret. Why should it matter who knows? is the culture that strict to dating as to where I cant even openly say we are in a relationship. Even after meeting her parents? What Do I do? Where can I begin to understand and learn. Im afraid she will over react if I just tell her "I don't want to be a secret in you life but I want to be apart of it as you are apart of mine" PLEASE Help!
  15. I'm not sure how to start these things at all but I'll try and sum everything up so I'm not boring yous lol in August of this year I went to Marmaris and stayed at the same hotel i stayed at two years previous. I went with my parents as my 18th birthday present and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I mingled with a lot of people from different parts of England (I am scottish and never really met anyone from outside of Scotland apart from foreign countries). I stay in contact with them all now it was just great! anyways, so when I went to Turkey I had no intentions of romances or anything like that, just a relaxing holiday away from my home and work! I added a lot of the newer staff on facebook on the Sunday night after my birthday (first week almost over) and on the Monday night my - now boyfriend- added me too. we started chatting over facebook whilst he worked during the day and night in the hotel. we really hit it off and he was always waiting our tables and he knew I wasn't willing to tell my parents right away because I wasn't sure how they would react. we would speak all day and exchange glances. I would be lying by the pool looking absolutely awful after having no make up on, wet hair and braces (yeah not confident about those haha) and he would always come out of the bar to be able to smile at me. any chance he got, he would walk past and touch my arm or just smile and say hiya. he begged to meet up outside of the hotel and I was really reluctant due to stories and the old tales I've heard about Turkish guys. that's when I told my parents that I did quite fancy him and would want to go and hang out with him. so on his night off we went out to a local bar and I did pay just for the drinks, which he was very very unhappy about (it was supposed to be the park we met but I took him to a bar beside it - just for my own reassurance). however, he's not the best English but we got on really well, we laughed and smile the whole night and I just had butterflies. like hardcore butterflies! I left a week after we started speaking we still message everyday and webcam as much as we can and its going great. I speak to one of his best friends who told me when I was there that he (boyfriend) speaks about me all the time and he's never seen him so happy etc! his best friend has now left the hotel to go back home and they still speak and his best friend tells me that he still speaks great things about me! I am not a religious person but I told my boyfriend I dont believe in premarital sex. I'm not in judgement of those who do at all, it's just something I've wanted to keep for myself (if that makes any sense). I might change my mind on that when I go out to see him again but he was very understanding that I have not and do not plan on sleeping with anyone until marriage. he has openly said he's been in a long distance relationship before and that he has previously had sex with someone which never bothered me at all. (he's 21). I'm not sure where I'm going with his actually but any advice I would be so happy to receive, or if there is any girls dating Turkish guys from Marmaris please message me so we can speak on Facebook or something and hopefully meet up one day. none of my friends really understand it, they're not judgemental, but they just don't get it because they've never been in a relationship like this before so it would be nice to meet and talk to some people that do! Rebecca xx
  16. I have gone through pretty much all of the posts here for an answer but nothing quite exactly the same. I am Chinese (not a Muslim) in Asia and the Turkish boy has been here for work for the past few years. I am older by 5 years and he is currently 31. We have been dating for over a year now and we have gotten serious and talking about marriage. I have recently also flown to Turkey to meet with his family (and he has met mine) but unfortunately they are adamant against us having a future and instead wants to find him a suitable candidate. He wants to end the relationship now as he sees no future to this to continue. I know family ties are really strong especially in traditional family but I am reluctant to let go of something i firmly believe in. Although i also understand that love isnt the priority in muslim families. I just am not sure if I should hang on for the sake of hoping they will eventually relent since he has a couple more years here and will not be moving back to Turkey so soon. And that he is quite ready to settle down but we just dont see how we can work this out without breaking his family ties. I have going to start understanding Islam more too for the sake of the promise i have made to him and myself since we started dating and also to find peace in myself. But i cant say i am not hanging on that Allah can give us a miracle here. Anyone has seen a miracle as such happen? I think the fact that i am older than him also plays a huge part in their objection since it may not be so easy for me to conceive now. I need a glimmer of hope. So desperate that this is the first time i am actually posting on any forum for support.
  17. First Meeting with My GF Parents

    Merhaba, its my first time for me in here so im not sure if im placing my topic in the right place ! sorry for that Im foreigner and Im living in turkey since 2 years ago my turkish language suck at level 1 , i mean my turkish language skills. I'm in relationship with my GF since almost 2 years ago but in serious relationship since 2 months and im planning to visit her family for the first time next month. This is the first step for later engagement after that marriage, For me my biggest fear is my Turkish language. im disappointed actually from myself about that but whatever I can’t delay my first meeting with her family cuz of my Turkish. Can you please give me advices about this meeting I want to give a good impression , I don’t want to leave impression because of nervous that im too shy or etc cuz of im nervous that’s im not that person. Im expecting to give introduction about my self in Turkish , to answer questions. Etc Please advice me because its gonna be next month. Regards
  18. Hi! I'm Alex, I am Asian and I have a boyfriend from turkey. I met him online and we've been in a relationship for almost a year now. I had no idea that I'd be falling for him. But, he proved of his good intentions. We started exchanging messages for at least a month before he confessed. Since then, we've been in love. He already introduced me to his friends but not yet to his family and he said that he needed time before doing so. I respect that. Neither have I introduced him to mine. I don't want to be blinded about my feelings for him, so I searched about what typical Turks are. I must say, its overwhelming. Coz most of the things I read are good and matched his sooo good characteristics. The others I read are somehow, not so impressing, but I know that its in general. But there's this one that caught my attention and it says something like this: That Turks only go for non-Turk for sex and then leave them after. It made me feel off.. Anyway, he had never been to our country and we've been talking about him coming over anytime soon. I'm feeling so anxious to seeing him. But the thing about what I read online is making me worry. I need advice. THANKS in advance.
  19. Hi everyone, I'm very new to this so please bare with me, I have been reading some of your threads for the last few months and playing with the thought of asking for some advice for myself. Finally got the courage to throw my story out there and hope some of you could give me some honest opinions and help me out. So here go's .... So I am in a relationship with a Turkish man I met whilst on holiday in Marmaris at the beginning of October last year, I am supposed to visit him a week today.I will firstly explain how we met as much as I know how wrong it was and I know most of you will be appalled but please hear me out. I'll start at the very beginning I'm a 21 year old Scottish girl, I was on holiday in Marmaris Oct 13 with my partner of 7 years (been together since we were 14 and we had a very turbulent relationship and many reasons why we should not have been together) we actually booked the holiday as a last resort to fixing our relationship but it became quite the opposite and we spent most of the holiday apart, him spending 95% of the week drunk (which is fine he was on holiday after all ) but making no effort with me at all and getting seriously drunk to the point of me having to look after him for example One night we went out for drinks in seven brothers bar and he locked himself in the toilet too drunk to help himself the staff actually had to kick the door down :|!!!!! anyway So after spending 4 days at each others throat and me wanting to cut the holiday short I decided to stay down at the hotel bar myself, I sat there until closing time having a laugh with the staff and a few other guests, a couple of them were going to a nightclub afterwards and offered me to come along, so I accepted headed back to my room for a quick change my partner was passed out and so I headed out I had an amazing time have never laughed in such a long time. That night one of the guys who worked at the hotel bar had really caught my eye, so handsome and he was really funny and I felt myself being drawn to him almost, So having had a bit too much to drink myself at this point I decided to speak to him and asked him if he wanted to leave the club and go for a walk he didn't speak brilliant English but he must have understood as he followed me anyway we walked about for a bit, I felt so attracted to him, really wanted to kiss him but just then as I was having these thoughts it all kind of hit home for me what I was doing was so wrong, I was so drunk that I started crying and he held me looking so worried asking me over and over what was wrong and to smile, he wiped my tears gave me his jacket in case I was cold, all the while asking me what was wrong, Crying I asked him to take me back to my hotel which he did with no hesitation on the walk back to the hotel he kept asking why I was sad and asking me never to cry and only to be happy I couldn't explain why I was upset because his English wasn't great I wasn't sure he would understand, We got back to the hotel and I just said goodbye quickly and basically ran back to my room, my partner at the time still fast asleep having no idea where I had been, The next morning we had booked a boat trip, I spent the full day on that boat thinking about him and trying to think of excuses to talk to him again. When we got back to the hotel I found myself looking for him even though I tried to hide it, I was elated when my partner asked me if we could sit in the hotel that night with another couple we knew there. All night I was on the edge of my seat hoping I would see him, It was getting late my partner was again very very drunk and had spent all they money he had left so had to go to the bank just as he left with 2 other guys we were sitting with the man I had been searching for all night came up from behind me and asked me If I was okay, I had butterflies in my stomach the lot I felt like a giggly little school girl!! the remainder of that night we kept having eye contact and cheeky smiles, I'll be honest I had forgotten my partner was even gone when I remembered I went up to our hotel room to find him passed out empty bottle of whisky at his feet. I sat out on the balcony trying to clear my head and telling myself I had to forget about him. Just then I heard whistling, I had the urge to look behind me willing It to be the turkish waiter but I knew I was just fantasising until someone whistled 3 more times I turned round and It was him!!!!!!!! My heart Skipped a beat. he waved to me then said 'good night' blew me a kiss and left. I hardly slept a wink all night my head was buzzing my heart was fluttering I had no idea what was happening to me I can assure you I am not the hopeless romantic type. The following day I had a word with my partner told him how I felt about his drunk behaviour and asked him since this would be our last night in Marmaris If he would mind not drinking too much and actually try to have a good time together ( I had already made it clear to myself that I was not going to think/look for this Turkish guy I knew it was so wrong and foolish of me to even contemplate it to be anything more than it was) during the day by the pool I seen him at the bar but I didn't stare at him or smile nothing just acted as normally, He brought my drinks over from the bar I thanked him as I had every other member of staff and walked away even though I could feel myself die a little inside, By mid day my partner was again absolutely sloshed. We had booked to have Our pictures taken and he could hardly even stand up for them, I had to take him up stairs at 8:30pm because he was so drunk falling asleep at the table I sat in the hotel room until 9.30 myself Then I decide I was not spending my last night of vacation in that way, I put my partner In the recovery position In case he was sick and went to the bar alone. around 10 o'clock I was just about to head up to my room to pack our cases when another guy who worked behind the bar came over and told me to meet 'Fatih' at the super market in 10 minutes, I did not know anything about this and did not even know for sure it was him but on a whim I went. It was him he asked me if I would like to go to bar street with him he had taken the night off work and he would like to take me out and wanted me to meet his friends. I didn't even think twice and I went, We partied all night long I met a few of his friends and one of his friends girlfriends who happened to be English and I got on really great with her and she could speak Turkish so she helped me get to know him and she translated for me also, after the club the other couple and us both took a lovely walk around the marina, sat in a park, went to a kebab shop before getting a taxi back to the hotel. It was a wonderful night I felt was on cloud 9!! He asked to add me on Facebook and for my number, I got the English girl to tell him i would add him on Facebook and asked her to describe my current relationship status and that I was grateful for everything but I had a boyfriend, He nodded and I could see he understood He then told me He felt really special about me and has never met anyone so beautiful but he respected my relationship. He walked me to the stairs kissed my hand and I said good bye, I knew I would never see him again and Did not want to miss the chance to kiss him so I basically ran back over and Had the most passionate kiss I have ever had my whole entire life. I did not want It to end he looked so shocked as I blew him a kiss and walked into my hotel he just stood there looking ahead like a lost puppy. When I got to my room My partner was awake and we had a blazing row, I packed our cases and went to sleep the next morning our transfer to airport was at 9am my partner and I did not exchange any words that morning, another couple we had met there was leaving on the same transfer as us so we met up with them downstairs while waiting, Fatih appeared at the hotel my face dropped. He smiled at me and walked over to speak to me I mouthed no and he nodded as if he understood and still he waited when the bus came my partner left me with all the cases and luggage got on the bus and sat down did not even look back at me, Fatih came over helped me put my bags on the bus and then just waved at me with a petted lip and said 'please Facebook me as soon as you are home', even as the bus pulled away he waited waving and blew me a kiss. It was heart breaking I could feel my eyes well up. As we boarded the plane I sat holding the tears back as wee took off the tears just rolled down my cheeks no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. Over the course of the following days being back at home we exchanged messages and were able to have actual conversations using translating websites and I tried to pretend I didn't care telling him It was just a holiday romance as lovely as it was and that I had a Life here ect. He persisted no matter how stand offish I was. I Only lasted a few days when I eventually had to tell my partner what was going on as I was so guilt ridden, He was angry and yes he brought me down to nothing told me how worthless I am that I was just a number to this guy I was talking to, I knew he had a valid point. We had our own house together at this point and Neither of us could afford to move out so we remained living together yet not together as a couple, It lasted 2 months he made my life a living hell anything he could do to hurt me or make my life difficult he did it. All the while Fatih continued to message me daily, Skype me and we talked on the phone when we could I could feel myself falling head over heels but I did not show this to him. So I moved in with my grandparents and wrote my relationship with my partner off completely and I tell you It was a very long time coming. Wow that was a very long winded story I thank anyone who Is still reading lol!! I hope you now have a rough idea of how we met, the situation and that I have now separated from my partner at the time. Its been about 6 months or so now, Myself and Fatih are now 'in a relationship' have been for a few months. We have spoken about our future, including cultural differences ect. We both seem to understand the difficulties Involved in a long distance relationship and other aspects of our relationship that might cause 'issues' I have read many of the threads on here and they have answered many questions for me, aswell as made me ask a lot of questions also, I have read other peoples story's of happy relationships as well as some not so happy endings unfortunately, I would like to think I have a sensible head on regardless of how infatuated I may seem I assure you I have not taken these decisions lightly I have spent many hours reading forums such as these along with countless news articles and talking to people in a similar situation. My friends think I am crazy and think I threw my 7 year relationship away for a holiday romance, they did not know of the long standing problems we faced as a couple, My family adored my Ex just as much and also did not know of these problems and The unhappiness we were very good at 'keeping up appearances'. At the moment I am facing a decision whether I should follow my heart and go, I would love to see him again and when I was with him before he was a Lovely guy who made me laugh, I believe after spending 1/3 of my lifetime (the best years of my life) with the wrong person who abused me and took away every ounce of confidence I had I have not much else to lose, I have lost many of my best friends very young and I believe Life is to short to live with what ifs any more I want to live in the moment. Worst comes to worst I can get a flight and head home and never look back. Although If I decide to do this Its going to have consequences and possibly destroy a few friendships, My family wont like It but they wont stop me or love me any less. For this reason I would have to go alone, which I am fine with I'm a fairly independent girl, I've looked after myself and my younger brother since I was 12 living with my Violent alcoholic mother. I'm not saying this makes me wise or any more sensible I have read about a lot of really sensible people getting caught up in the heat of the moment and giving up everything for a new romance. I honestly feel like its Only a weeks holiday to get to spend some time together get to know each other a little better ect. I should Also add that he is 25 and from Konya who does work in the tourist area of Marmaris. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I thank anyone In advance for helping me out, Oh and anyone who's taken the time to read my life story lol. kindest regards xxx
  20. Hi im new to this so dont know if this is the right place to post this question. If it is the wrong one then could you please point me to a forum dealing with irish turkish relationships. Well basically im an irish girl and recently met a turkish man in Ireland while he was studying english here. We slept together quickly and started talking and now we really like each other. He went back to Istanbul but we are in contact every day.He is 23 and i am 24. I really like him and he's always saying how much he likes me and wants to be together forever. I spoke to him about the bad things i hear about turkish men such as abusive and possessive and seems very open minded. I also have a child and is fine with this and always asks about her. My question is... Do these long distance relationships work with turkish and Irish? Any advice for me?? Are turkish men usually so forward??Thanks xx
  21. Hello All, I am an English teacher at a university preparatory program in Ankara, and I need some dating advice from someone who knows Turkish women and dating customs. I have started seeing a Turkish woman who is also my colleague at work. She has informed me that it could be bad for her if our relationship became known around the office, so we've been keeping things on the DL. I'm fine with that, but recently she's started behaving in a way that mystifies me, and I need some advice on how to handle it. After a couple dates, on which we held hands, danced, and kissed, she and I had a talk where she told me two things: the thing about keeping our dating a secret, which I understand perfectly, and something else, along the lines of "can we not give (our relationship) a name for now?" Since then, she's been very hard to pin down - when I ask her if she wants to go out, she seems to have other plans. Also, she's been texting me a lot less frequently than a couple weeks ago when we first started going out. In America, where I'm from, this usually means the girl's not interested and you should just give up, you lovesick puppy. But I've talked to several people about this, including at least one Turkish (female) friend who thinks this girl might be playing hard to get. Here's the thing: I HATE games like this. The only reason I haven't given up is because I'm very interested in this girl. But I don't know how I should react - in the U.S., the general wisdom is to play it cool, don't come across as pushy or needy, and if she's interested she'll come to you, hopefully attracted by the fact that you have the strength of character not to text her a zillion times a day. But I'm concerned that this strategy may not work here - that in fact, maybe she WANTS me to keep showing her lots of attention, even though she remains aloof. Either way, I think my Turkish friend's right - I'm in some sort of trial period. But what are the evaluation criteria? Thanks in advance for any advice you can give. ~A. P.S. I wanted to post this as a poll but I have no idea how.
  22. I met a Turkish woman in America four months ago. We've been dating exclusively for three months. She's been in the country for five to six years going to school, but got a job semi-recently where she intends to stay for several years. She told me that until she got the job, she was planning to return to Turkey and was close to buying her plane ticket back. More recently, she said that I'm the reason why she wants to stay, despite the fact that she (obviously) misses her family, friends, and home. We're deeply in love and we've discussed marriage and children and what that means to both of us, as well as the implication of meeting her parents, i.e. either we get engaged in the near future or we break up. I'm gainfully employed, as is she. We each have what are considered prestigious positions in Turkish culture. Any kids we had would be well-supported and well-educated. I have no intention of ever permanently moving to Turkey, except possibly in retirement. There are no companies there for me to work in my chosen field; it really is as simple as that. She's aware of my desires and we've discussed the idea of living in Europe since neither of us really like the direction my country is headed. She was raised to distrust Americans and has unashamed prejudices against cultures that aren't from the Mediterranean, which I'm trying my best to break through. She said she would have never considered the possibility of ever being in a relationship with an American until she met me. She was raised to think we all get divorced at the drop of a hat and that we aren't close to our families (that our parents kick us out of their homes as soon as we turn 18). This may be true of the very poor and our celebrities, but I'm very close to my fully-intact family, even if I don't see them often due to where I work and where they live (it was a career-making job offer and they were supportive of it.) She said that I'm starting to change her mind about Americans, and that if she were to meet more people like me, then she might be able to have some of her ideas changed. Up until now, she has only really associated with Turkish people who live in the US, and since moving to this new city, has only made an effort to connect with other Turkish people. I'm an atheist raised by Christians, while she's a non-practicing Muslim raised by devout Muslims (her mother's family is especially conservative). Her parents had an arranged marriage and had only met once before the engagement and subsequent wedding. She says they don't really love each other. She says she wants to marry for love. I know that she wants any kids we have to be raised with Muslim beliefs, if only to instill in them the belief in a god and to satisfy her distant relatives. I told her that any child of mine will learn to study their religion and many other religions as well. She agreed that that was a reasonable course of action. Before she came to the US, her parents tried to arrange a wedding for her, which she refused. In college, she had two Turkish boyfriends that she wanted her parents to meet. They denied the first one for a reason that I haven't heard. The second, they refused to meet. She followed their wishes and she broke up with both of them. She keeps seesawing on whether she would go against their wishes in my case, depending on how we're doing that particular week and for a multitude of other reasons. The sense I get is that she says that we would be together in spite of them because she knows that's what I want to hear, but when it really comes down to it, she'll fold under their pressure. She has a habit of agreeing to do things and later going back on her word, which is a source of considerable conflict between us. For example, she broke up with her last boyfriend within the last year and he kept texting her, saying hurtful things to her, and I can only assume poisoning her against me. I told her that she needed to break off contact. At first, she refused to cut off contact, saying she didn't want to burn her bridges the way she has in the past, since they were best friends and were together for so long. It was damaging our relationship and I brought it up several more times, during which time she promised to stop talking to him, though she's broken that promise twice already. If I had to guess, I would think that she's still texting with him, but I'll have no way of knowing until she brings him up in conversation or unless I directly ask. I don't want to ask (or have to ask, for that matter), as it will probably start another argument over it. This is the main thing that makes me doubt her feelings for me. I've been feeling handcuffed in our relationship, like I can't argue with her about our cultural differences or criticize her flaws at all. She doesn't hesitate to insult my culture, trivialize it or make sweeping generalizations about it, but as soon as I breathe a word of what's wrong with hers, she plays the victim and says that I'm trying to Americanize her and am forcing her to compromise her values, never changing anything about myself in the process. I feel that I'm always forced to give up ground to appease her, that she says she's changing herself but (as I mentioned above) I just don't see the effect. And then there's the sexual issue, which I know people are going to connect to the previous paragraph, but please believe me when I tell you that they are separate problems. I have slept with my share of women before. She had not done anything besides kissing and light petting until she met me. She told me at the outset of the relationship that "sex is off the table" and that as long as I didn't hide it from her, I could sleep with other women. I insisted that I wasn't going to cheat on her with other women, to which she said "It's not cheating if you don't hide it from me." I haven't been unfaithful, and I refuse to do that. She's suggested it multiple times, and I recently made her promise to not bring it up and again. She is a very passionate, beautiful girl and we've gone beyond her normal limits in moments of passion, but she's still a virgin. She feels very guilty afterwards, even though she says she likes it during. She pushes me away emotionally and picks fights with me when she feels guilty about it, which really hurts me. My worry here is that even if we do end up getting married, the shame and guilt about sex that she had instilled in her during her upbringing still isn't going to go away. Even mentioning some acts, not even suggesting that we do them at all, makes her squeamish and draw back in horror. I'm not a disgusting pig; she says that she feels intense desire for me, which I believe from the way she acts around me, but I feel like this squeamishness and all-around reluctance is something that I'll have to fight against our entire lives. She told her sister about us and how we've been getting more serious. She apparently doesn't approve for the reason that she doesn't think the relationship will last, that I would divorce her at the first sign of trouble, and that the differences in our two cultures would be too much to overcome. I still think she doubts my feelings because of this. We're both very stubborn, very proud, and very intelligent individuals. We each want to take the lead in this relationship, and that leads to the most strife. I feel that she expects me to be a doormat and as someone who for a long time has valued his independence above all else, I'm not inclined at all to take on the submissive role. Can anyone with an objective view say whether these problems can be overcome? Is the gulf between the cultures too big? Do I have any chance at all of receiving her parents' approval for marriage, even if we go forward with it?
  23. Good morning all - I am brand new here and hoping for some advice. I've seen a few postings on this same topic, but of course each situation is different. Let me start by saying I am a very level-headed, smart, put-together, established woman in the US. I can spot dishonesty a mile away. 6,000 miles away? I'm not so sure. I can't even believe I'm typing this, because I can't believe I have found myself in this predicament at this stage of my life (I am 42 years young). That all being said, I know next-to-nothing about the Turkish culture, other than the few things I've read about the men (and not to stereotype at all) being relentlessly charming, sweeping women off their feet, multiple women in many cases... argh! So here goes. I "met" a man online through Facebook a few months ago. We have chatted almost every night via FB or phone, and much to my chagrin, I have become completely smitten. Am I surprised? Knowing me, YES! This man has had a hold on me (emotionally) since day one. He definitely knows what to say to me. I am trying to not get TOO involved emotionally but that is becoming increasingly difficult. We have had many conversations, but some things you would rather talk about face-to-face you know? That isn't really a possibility right now, so we've just been trying to get to know each other. He speaks very good English, so the language barrier isn't a problem. I've asked many questions and he always seems to have the right answers, making me wonder "IS this man for real?" Obviously, I am taking things very slow. I have let him know that he has to come to the US before I will come to Turkey (I have two early teenage children and it's not like I can up and leave them). There is so much unknown here, yet at the same time, so much exciting to me. I've just always been so skeptical of anyone who appears too good to be true, because in my experience, the devil has been lurking beneath. I guess my question to you all would be this... Are there any pointed questions I could ask him to be clear on what his intentions really are, and if he truly feels the way he says he does? Of course you can say anything on the phone and be whoever you want to be on the internet. I'm not at all blind to this. I know this is next to impossible having never met, but unfortunately, we cannot choose who we fall in love with. I fear my heart is already too far gone, but would be much worse should we meet and things go awry. I'm certainly not trying to get my heart broken yet again. I am pretty sure this qualifies me as crazy, but I want so much to believe it is real. Any advice for a newbie is greatly appreciated! Thank you.
  24. I am completely dumbfounded and have no clue what to do. I have read article after article. I will be volunteering at a handicapped school in Istanbul teaching music so that I have a job and so that the father sees that I am worthy. How do I go about conversation? And I love to cook and fairly good at it. Would it be appropriate to cook for them? And anything else you got I would greatly appreciate it. The family is very happy for her wanting to go to America to study abroad, so I dont think they would object to meeting me. Long story short..... help??? lol
  25. Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well. I’m completely new to the forum in terms of posting, but have been reading the really valuable and empathetic relationship advice people have been giving to those in intercultural Turkish relationships. I would really be grateful for some of that objective, non-judgmental and supportive advice right now. 3 months ago, I met a Turkish girl at a university social event in Birmingham, UK, where I’m from. After two intercultural, long-distance and ultimately failed relationships, I was very cautious about getting involved in anything along the same lines and the last thing I went to this event for was to meet somebody. But we got talking, just hit it off from the first moment and had the most incredible 6 weeks together before she had to return to Istanbul to study. She had been in the UK for a work placement. We have stayed in contact all day every day via SMS and Skype and are what you would describe as very “Loved-Up” and happy together. I visited her 2 weeks ago in Ankara, where she was herself visiting friends, and we had an amazing week together. As a person, I can honestly say I have never been with anyone who is as kind, caring, warm and beautiful as her. However, as I have found out more and more about the reality of our situation, I have been hit with immense doubts about whether we could have a future together. Distance: Firstly, I now have an extremely busy job in London, for which I have to do several years of exams. I have gone to hell and back to get this opportunity and I can’t turn it down for someone I’ve only known for a few months, irrespective of how much I feel I love her, by moving to Turkey. She has a year of studying ahead still in Istanbul and the UK VISA system for Turkish people has now become near impossible, as many of you I’m sure already know. I am 27 years old, 5 years her senior, and keen to meet someone and settle down at some point. How can I stake my future on a girl that I can only see, at best, once every 5-6 weeks and with whom I could never live before marriage? Religion: Whilst she drinks alcohol, doesn’t pray or go to the Mosque, dresses like a fashionable European girl, she is proud to say she is Muslim, and rightly so. I respect that and feel we should all be proud of our families and backgrounds. I, however, have been raised in a completely non-religious home and for all intents and purposes am an atheist. I feel very strongly that my children are not raised religiously, which is a belief I have held for a long time. That is nothing against religion. I have countless very good Muslim, Christian and Jewish friends. It is just a belief of mine, based on my life experiences, which I feel as strongly about as they do about their religious beliefs. I know that, given Turkish society, and her and her family’s proud identification with Islam, this would be near impossible if we had children and certainly a source of much discontentment on both sides. And likewise for her, what if she gave up everything to come to England to be with me and our relationship just didn’t work out, as many don’t that began perfectly? Is that fair to her? So, my situation is that I have a girlfriend, who I would, under different circumstances, happily spend the rest of my life with based on what I’ve seen. She is kind, warm, beautiful and you know the rest… But I see so many issues that I just can’t see a solution to. I don’t regret meeting her, even though it is going to cause both of us immense pain if I end it. I don’t want to shatter her heart, nor mine, but I can’t see anything but difficulty, pain and uncertainty for us both in the future. I want to be fair and true to her, as well as myself. To some of you, I probably sound like I’ve made up my mind, and maybe to an extent I have done. But what I would really value is just some objective, non-judgemental advice for a guy who loves a girl, wants to do nothing but make her happy, but may ultimately have to shatter her… and himself. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and wish you great Christmas. Thank you, really… Greg
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