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About femmefatality

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  1. Thank you Aston for the very informative response! I'm crossing my fingers we can apply for Turkish citizenship after 3 years.. As my limited understanding says.And Sunny, helpful and encouraging as always I'll have to dig up this Quinn's post to see what you're referring to..
  2. Hey all on this very helpful and overwhelmingly friendly forum! What are the best job prospects in Turkey? Growing sectors? Top salaries? Best job security?
  3. Ha, Sunny, how funny it is you should say that! In the short(ish) time we've known each other, he has gotten entirely fed up with the word 'why.' I hadn't realized how often I use it before him. Like you, I see inquisitiveness as a blessing.I suppose I am baffled by how two people can come together with such differing views, culture, language and backgrounds. Particularly if one partner is totally inflexible. I commend those who have succeeded, because I don't think I can do it!
  4. On a new topic entirely (and perhaps this is the wrong place to put it) -Culture and religion are so ingrained in my Turkish partner, I've noticed. I'm American and obviously there are things which could be said about me, too. But.. it seems like my boyfriend is accepting what his upbringing and his peers tell him without question.Meanwhile, I'm the type of person who really tries to dissect why certain cultural norms are the way they are. I was raised Christian, for example, but I refused that after a certain age and stopped pledging allegiance every day in high school because it included the exclusionary phrase, 'One nation under God.'We've had many arguments about subjects that we are culturally very different on. He has honestly admitted that he is very close-minded and he doesn't want to change. I'm the opposite again, open and accepting and looking for growth. I'm having a really hard time comprehending why a person would take what his society spoon feeds him (and in turn, he doesn't understand why I'm always looking to 'be different.')For example, homosexuality.Okay, I understand there are still many people in my own country who condemn same sex relationships. I can't wrap my head around why people want to deny the rights of other humans. If religion is the excuse, I don't think any loving or forgiving god would agree with spewing hate and judgment. My opinion is humans are humans and it doesn't matter if you fall in love with a man or a woman - if you think some person is intelligent and funny and you like spending time with them, why does their sex matter?Yesterday my boyfriend & I started talking about children (not for us, it's too early for that, but in general! and I guess to be honest, I was testing the waters). He was saying he wants to control his child, because that's 'his personality' - he would be asking where they were & what they were doing when they come home, guiding their career direction, and raising them Muslim. So I asked the question, 'what if your child is gay?' He got really upset, shaking his head no, saying he cannot accept that. I say, they're still your child and you have to love them unconditionally. He says no. He is someone who used the pro-life anti-abortion logic on me before that every child can grow up to be a genius. So I say, if I were pregnant and you knew the child would grow up to be gay, would you kill the baby? He said yes... without hesitation.
  5. Thank you everyone for the excellent advice!Abi, I agree with you and it's what I expected - I doubt that he would ever change. His culture and mindset seems far too ingrained.As for how we met, I surfed his couch at the start of cross-country trip and our feelings developed at hyper speed.. the traveling then consequently didn't happen - so it goes.mckenna, I (think I) understand what you're saying.. In moments of strong emotion, I've considered ditching some of my conflicting personality traits in an effort to 'compromise'... I appreciate you relating to my experience. I can see how speaking levelly and calm is a better way to communicate than coming out fighting (probably a general cross-cultural relationship rule) - but sometimes it doesn't matter when I approach a topic with patience and the 'correct tone of voice' (he expects his woman to speak to him a certain way). If our opinions differ on a subject, it seems like he is incapable of faltering on his personal belief. He says, this is my personality and I can't change it. (What about personal growth, hello?) Anyway, mckenna, how has your married life been? Did you move to Turkey with him?Thank you for the thoughts, baykus. I'm not sure I'll be able to suppress my values for this relationship, too.Sunny, as always (I've been reading some of your other posts) excellent advice. I think you're probably right..
  6. Selam all, I'm new here! I've been reading through this thread and though I know it's been a while since the latest response, I thought I'd give it a try.Bengu, if you're still around, I've actually been looking for a Turkish-to-English cross cultural counselor for my relationship - I'm an American woman and he is a Turkish man.We haven't been together longer than 3 months, but things have moved very quickly (as I'm learning can be usual with Turks!)We're both very stubborn and I'm a particularly temptuous and fiercely independent woman. (I have a feeling this won't end well..)My partner has told me he expects his woman to follow him in everything. In his opinion, she shouldn't talk back or have attitude (both of which I do all the time). Meanwhile, I'm a feminist and opposer of traditional gender roles.We have a language barrier, obviously, which makes communication all the more frustrating. But it seems like he wants to be with me and he wants to make the relationship work. But my doubts lie in our drastically different cultural backgrounds & upbringings.For all his virtues - generosity, patience, intelligence, empathy, wisdom - I feel like I would have to 'lie down' and sacrifice many of my personal beliefs to be with him. It is seriously grating for me to feel unequal, subservient, or as though things are unfair. Perhaps I'm being proud, but it's my personality.Anyone with a similar experience or helpful advice? Thank you for your time! I'm looking forward to contributing more to this site in the future..
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