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About akdag23

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  • Birthday 29/10/1987

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  1. To all...I want you to know that I appreciate your responses and I am still working on what my next step will be...I am having a difficult time but also have been talking with my family and friends about the situation I am in.I feel like from what everyone has said the decision should be easy, but of course, it is not. I feel guilty, I feel like I ruined his life and am responsible. When we met in London, he had a good life there and then he moved here with me. He married me thinking I would become a good muslim wife, which I am not and cannot be...I don't want to be unhappy, but I also don't want him to be unhappy forever too...this is so hard. going to work every day is so hard, eating, sleeping is hard...Sarah
  2. Last night was terrible. I couldn't stop crying, can't eat, can't sleep. He is still here but he told me that he cannot change his mind about drinking and eating halal meat. I told him several times that I can't live like that as I don't believe in those things as being bad or wrong. He is saying I love you very much, blah blah, but then I say how can you just walk out and leave me. He tells me he will go back to Turkey and tell his family that I died and will never marry again, says we can stay married but I will never see him again. Then he tells me how can you choose alcohol over me, and that gets me confused because I don't want it to be like me choosing alcohol over him but that I am a grown women and can make my own decisions and him, being my husband, should respect those decisions as long as they are morale. He told me I need to tell him of my decision after I get home from work whether it be keeping him here and agreeing to not drinking and eating halal meat or disagreeing and he will buy a ticket to Turkey. This will be a long day. I am trying to figure out what to do. I can't imagine him not being here, we have so many things that are ours and some many things we do together, everything will remind me...this is so difficult. I feel guilty for not have being honest earlier about my feelings but was afraid of this exact situation happening, my family is not close to me, we just moved here, I have no friends here, I don't know what I will do...
  3. Hi again, I would like to give an update and any advice or comments are welcome...I read all of the posts and have taken the time to think about what I want, how I feel, what people have said...I feel like I have been living a lie because I am doing things only because my husband wants me to not because I believe or want to (eating halal meat, not drinking alcohol) I want to be open and honest and happy in my marriage. Bottom line, I don't want to leave my husband and I don't want him to leave me because I do love him amd I would be heart broken. I respect his turkish culture and his religion. I have never asked him to eat something that he wouldnt be okay eating, I have never asked him to try alcohol. Today, I told my husband that I am not a muslim, I do not believe in the same things he believes in, eating meat that is not halal is no problem for me, drinking alcohol socially and responsibly is not a problem for me...he did not get angry at first, but then he got very angry and he told me....he can't live like this, I can't believe you lied to me for 2 years, I have to leave you, I can't trust you...I will never get married again....This was at lunch time and I had to go back to work since then but I had to tell him how I felt, we have had problems and I could not take it anymore. I don't think he saw this coming but it felt like an appropriate time as we were discussing the fact that he doesnt have a job and he would prefer to find a job in washington DC or new york because then he could make more money then where we are living now (richmond, virginia) and also so we wouldnt have to fight all the time. I told him what is the point of being married if have the chance to live together but you choose to live somewhere else...I also told him that the reason I think we fight all of the time is because I am not happy pretending to be a muslim because he wants me to.....Anyway, so he told me that he loves me very much, he was crying and I know I have hurt him very bad. I am sick that I have hurt him this badly. I want to work it out...I told him that we need to work it out and that it is possible but he said I dont think so...I know it is possible to have an interfaith marriage, I don't know why if he says he loves me very much why he does not want to try and work it out...Any comments, please....Thank you, SarahOne more thing I need to add/mention...This is another thing we have argued about more than once and I don't know how to feel about this either...His family is planning on buying a house soon but they are borrowing money from family/ friends. My husband told me that his father needs some money from us and I don't know if the father is asking for it or if Ethem has offered...anyway, we have some money saved away but I am only 2 years out of college,we just bought a new car and still have school debt to pay, not to mention that we don't even have a house, but live in an apartment. (ethem doesnt work yet because we just moved and he has no college education, but he will hopefully get one......?...) I am just a little uneasy about giving away 10,000 dollars given the situation we are in. However, my husband told me that the house they are currently living in will be in his name when they move and the new house will be in our name so when they move out 20 or so years from now we will have he 2 houses in Istanbul.Is this a common occurence? Do I need to be worried? I would like to help them but I just want to be better informed I guess...and if he ends up leaving me I guess I wouldn't be giving any money to his family......Thanks
  4. Thank you all for your responses. I know I did not give much information. Hopefully I can fill in some blanks now...We knew each other for about 5 months before we got married. I was stupid though because I knew he would be like this from the beginning but I guess I choose to ignore it because he seemed so sweet and caring. He is very sweet when I am doing what he wants me to be doing and when we are not arguing. He doesnt pray 5 times a day and not every Friday but when he can he will go to the Mosque. It is a difficult situation because his family really likes me and they are very nice to me. We can't speak to each other though because I do not know Turkish and they cannot speak English. My family also really likes him too. He doesnt show the side I see though to anyone else. I feel like I have changed the person I am since I have been married to him. I love him but I don't like to be controlled. I dont know when or where I made the mistake of letting him think that I wanted to be muslim. I am interested in his beliefs but do not share the same beliefs. I told him that I would like to have the choice of being able to have a glass of wine with my family as that is normal for us and he said if I did that he would leave me. I drank before we got married and he knew that. I am in Istanbul now and am visiting with his family. I am trying to have a good time. I feel uncomfrotable here though. My husband is almost 25. He isn't that much older than I am. I think that I made a very immature decision to marry him in the first place. I am now trying to figure out what to do because I want it to work out but I have a bad feeling that he will never be okay with the life that I want. I don't think I am very happy but I am very confused and unsure. I already made one bad decision, I don't want to make another whether that be to get a divorce or work it out...
  5. I met a Turkish man in London when I was studying abroad. He was working at a Kebap shop. We saw each other for a while and then we went to Turkey to visit his family and we got married in Turkey. We have been married for 2 years and he now lives in the US w/ me. We have so many problems, we cannot seem to resolve anything or come to any understandings. I feel so trapped and I am not the person I used to be. He doesnt let me drink, he always critizes what I wear and is worried about people looking at me. He won't eat meat that is not halal, he won't let me eat meat that is not halal. I feel like I have made the biggest mistake. I have tried to talk to him about things but he gets very very angry. We are going to visit his family in Istanbul next week. I don't know what to do. I just need to talk to someone who can understand and perhaps give some advice.
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