cayaholic got a reaction from Karam in could my scottish daughter go to turkish school
Unless you're willing to pay for private school, state education is in Turkish so yes, she would need to learn Turkish. Facilities in Turkish state schools are nothing like in the UK so please research this carefully.
cayaholic got a reaction from mscanada in American Woman/Turkish Man - Potential Relationship
I would be very suspicious. How old is this man? Can you do some snooping on his facebook? Does he have lots of foreign female friends and few Turkish friends?
I don't want to put you off but wouldn't want you to waste your time unless he's someone worth wasting time on.
cayaholic reacted to semper in Turkish-American meeting girls from Turkey and enjoying his recent trip there
We drink, we smoke, we hook up with foreign men- period.
A turkish girl
cayaholic reacted to YabanciGirl in What's it REALLY like to be a Turkey Expat?
It's not unique, you can find all the same recipes in Greece, Armenia, Persia, and all Arab countires homes and restaurants. Most savory dishes use the same spices and everything is cooked in tomato puree, sauteed in onions or topped with tomato sauce and yogurt. I make turkish food all the time it's basic. The most complicated dishes in turkish cuisine are the sweets and deserts.
cayaholic reacted to Sunny in What's it REALLY like to be a Turkey Expat?
Meral, if I use my credit card in the machine I get served much quicker than if I just press for a ticket, quite right too, as I'm a valued customer!
Afraid I don't agree on the food, there is very little choice- Turkish food or Turkish food. There needs to be much more international cuisine.
Generally people think that an ex-pats life is glamorous and exotic, when in fact it is very much the same as living in your own country with the cooking, cleaning, housework etc. Obviously there are perks, such as the lovely beaches and the glorious weather which are a big reasons for living here.
cayaholic got a reaction from Ken Grubb in ID card for my baby
I really couldn't agree less. In the UK there are so many facilities for children - great libraries, parent and toddler groups, sure start centres, free nursery places, cheap council swimming pools and wonderful free museums with special events for children. I see very little evidence of such things in Turkey apart from expensive sessions for the middle/upper classes.
Government health care in Turkey is nowhere near as good as the NHS. Private is a different matter of course.
cayaholic reacted to Ayse2015 in Turkish Citizenship Interview Done
Can you speak/understand Turkish?
Where did you meet your husband?
What is your husbands parents names?
Do you have children?
Can you make Turkish coffee?
Do you see your husbands parents often?
Do you love your husbands parents?
Names of husbands siblings
Is she muslim(directed to partner)
Names of my parents(directed to partner)
Names of my siblings(directed to partner)
Have you visited my home country(directed to partner)
Do my parents visit(directed to partner)
Lasted less than 5 minutes
cayaholic got a reaction from brokenflower in British girl and Turkish guy romance, advice greatly received.
Where do you really expect this relationship to go?
Butterflies are really powerful, even more so when you're on holiday and it's more exciting, but sometimes it's best to leave it at that. I don't mean to be negative but it's hard enough to make any relationship work, but when you're in different countries it's even worse. As a Turk he's not going to be able to come to the UK easily, and do you really want to give up your life to go there? I know some girls do do that, but it always makes me sad...back in the UK, they could be getting higher education, learning skills, basically enjoy being a young person in a free society but in Turkey they often become quasi housewives.
cayaholic reacted to linnea in What Makes A Marriage To A Turk Work?
I've been married almost 30 years with my Turkish husband and have not regretted a day of it and look forward to hopefully thirty more.
I do not think of him as "my Turkish husband," and I am not his "foreign wife."
We are very similar people, academics and workaholics, and we also share a huge sense of absurdist humor. Our families are of the same social class. I think that helps a lot. Plus, we met when I came here do do graduate work.
Most of all, we are both very polite. We have not had a fight in all the time we have been together. We disagree, but we enjoy talking things through.
cayaholic reacted to TurkishDude in What Makes A Marriage To A Turk Work?
Hi. I am a Turkish man in his fifties who has lived most of his adult life abroad in English speaking countries.
General Turkish education system produces a certain type of person. When that is coupled with a traditional family background, the result is a certain type of person which makes up roughly 90 to 95 percent of the Turkish population. However, there is a small percentage of Turkish population which follow a path outside this system (educated abroad or having a family outside the typical). If your Turkish boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/partner/husband/wife is in this 10%, then things are going to be very different than being with a Turkish person who is in the 90%.
So really, rate your Turkish person. Is the person in the 10% or in the 90% ? The differences are huge. If the person is in the 10%, he/she is very much like an American person in the mind. But if the person is in the 90%, then everything will be very much traditional Turkish. If you have found someone who is in the 10%, your chances of being happy with that person is as high as a western partner and maybe even more. But if the person is in the 90%, then you'll face the challanges of the traditional way of Turkish thinking.
Living as a Turkish man for decades in the west, I have had my share of negativity about the Turkish and suffered from it. Things like women declining to date me as soon as they find out my Turkish roots. But their basis is that 90%. What about the 10% that is being burnt out because of the reputation of the 90% ?
In the western countries, it is almost like a curse having Turkish roots. Most people and especially the opposite sex would dismiss you based on your background. That is the ugly reality.
If you are on this forum, you obviously are a lover of Turkey and its people. If you have made such an unconventional choice, I firstly would congradulate you because I think you are not in the 90% in your home country either and you can think outside the box. If you have found a Turkish man or a woman who is in the 10%, you may have a jewel in your hands who will make you very happy for the rest of your life.
cayaholic reacted to tireduk in What Makes A Marriage To A Turk Work?
I met my husband in Fethiye1998, we then married early 2001 and are proud parents of two girls.
I don't think it matters what nationality they are, the important part is similarity, trust, respect and of course love. If you are from different faiths as we are then you either accept and understand the faith of the other or remain forever in the grey area of life or it will always be a discussion that no one wins.
The differences of a man and women are the same all over the world but maybe slightly more evident in a cross of cultures. A huge amount of Turkey remains quite strongly a mans world with ladies taking great pride in looking after their husbands. Whereas in Europe its more about we are equal in every part of life and we each deserve to be pampered a complete culture shock for some Turkish men. They love the romance and the chase and appeal of something new and different and woo like the best lovers.
Reality sets in fast though and they begin to miss the unquestionable position they would have held with a marriage of their own country person. You can see clearly on Turkish TV that Turkey is a true rainbow of culture as some areas are a little more to the Europe feel and others the traditional roles that potentially Europe had in the 1950's and 60's.
Turkish men prefer to be the bread winner and main decision maker for the whole family, however women rule the roost and menu and children and home in general. In return the man is to be respected and admired for taking such care of his family. This has proved hard for ourselves, as I have a career as well as being a mum and wife and have a stern belief in equality that melt a little with the love I feel for my husband.
He asks occasionally for advice and guidance and he listens but i will never know if he followed it as it would dent his pride to admit if I was right. Sometimes he nods and gives an indication of perhaps but then dismisses me to talk it through with a male friend. I have never taken this personally as this is his pride and some may say stubborn personality but I respect him as I would my best friend. In return as a gesture i ask his advice and mostly its not too bad but its more to re-enforce his trust and pride as we all know women are always right.
Levels of education also matter, when we first married he was a skilled trades person but i could see potential to succeed in him and over the years I have encouraged and nurtured his passion to reach for more from life. He has surpassed any of my expectations and still desires more so in that I am extremely proud of him. Our troubles in the early marriage were from my thoughts he knew far more than he did and his intent was malicious on occasion to make me feel inferior. Then understanding his harsh words sometimes came from his pride being dented or his ability to provide in question.
He has been on too many occasions selfish and single minded and a frying pan could have resolved the frustration i felt. As i chose to work finances have always been a real sticky situation and a bitter pill for him to swallow however he then went too far across the scale to the point of my earning run everything and his goes to savings for rainy days and business opportunities he chose and this created an imbalance. Hmmm it doesn't sit comfortable but we are all ok with it.
My cautions for anyone considering marriage or in a new marriage are to seriously understand if all you say is clearly understood you may think it is but actually they hardly understood a word.
1. Your role in the marriage and his viewpoint of what he expects and desires from you (dinner on the table, slippers and tea by the hour)
2. Finance - Turkish don't usually do equal but they take good care.. check and always have your own rainy day fund.
3. Children - how many, general care, religion, school systems, birthdays, Festivals in both cultures he may just pass the responsibility onto you completely don't presume you will share talk about beliefs and expectations as when one arrives it could be too late.
4. Living arrangements - were and with who, Europe is more isolated private living and Turkey is pretty much a free for all having woken to a house full of people many days it can take its toll
5. Friends - the cultural diffences makes them very insecure which becomes controlling it is an area of support you need so be sure to be open, honest and ready to compromise what is good for him, he may not believe or be happy to accept from you.
We are still married but we class every year a success as it always comes close to "is life meant to be this hard" and always compromising takes it's on toll on enthusiasm and passion. He is superficial and cruel on occasion and sometimes i seriously think this is not a role model I want for the girls. So it isn't easy ... its the opposite of easy and every year i look back and think wow how on earth did we survive that one. I have many friends married to Turkish but I have seen them divorce one by one, lasting 13 years or more is rare indeed.
PATIENCE and LOVE in abundance!!!
cayaholic reacted to destiny in What do you think about Israel-Turkey Relations?
Well I am not Turkish either but I know a lot of Turkish people have a problem with the actions of Israel such as what happened last summer.
I do not support what Israel is doing to the Palestinians. I boycott all Israeli products where possible. Yet at the same time I am not a supporter of Erdogan.
Erdogan seems great speaking out against Israel however I wish it was more real than it is. Look at government controlled TV channels and one advert after the other is promoting Israeli products. I think Erdogan should take a tougher stance on Israel and properly enforce a boycott of their economic products by not allowing them to be be sold in Turkey or at least ban their advertisements on TV. However, I doubt this will happen and he is more using the Palestinian problem to fuel the passions of Muslims.
What I don't like is how his discourse on Israel is causing an anti Jewish sentiment within Turkey. Jews should be allowed to live peacefully within Turkey and should not feel they are been held responsible for what is happening in Israel.
cayaholic got a reaction from Ken Grubb in Young family moving to Turkey from US. Advice needed!
I have no idea about the nutritionist thing but it's hard for foreigners to work here.
Private schools are very expensive but government schools are seriously lacking in facilities.
There are areas in every city which are more conservative than others and cities which are considered more conservative than others. So really you should choose a city and then narrow down the neighbourhoods.
This sounds like a really huge move for you. I'm not sure I would do it myself with young children - do you know that many middle class Turks would love their children to have the opportunity to be educated in the USA? I suggest when you visit, you meet some expat families and visit some schools to see what they are really like. Does your husband have a job here?
cayaholic got a reaction from Ken Grubb in Is 6000 TL/PM sufficient for two to live a decent lifestyle in Istanbul
Yes that is plenty. It's more than double what the average person in Turkey earns.
Rent starts from 1000, going up to many times that.
cayaholic got a reaction from Ken Grubb in Is 6000 TL/PM sufficient for two to live a decent lifestyle in Istanbul
Well it can vary a lot depending on your expectations and your job. Most jobs provide free transport and lunch. Public transport is cheap anyway. You can eat very cheaply if you buy food that's in season and don't have meat every day. However, if you prefer to eat non Turkish food or imported food, it will be expensive.
I have no idea about the job. It's not easy for companies to hire foreigners.
cayaholic got a reaction from Vic801 in Kurban Bayram HELPP!
I find that rather a rude term and just because someone lives in a village, doesn't mean they would expect a gift. I have visited people in a village and while I did take some play dough for the children to play with, nothing extravagant, and their hospitality was amazing. They actually gave me gifts and made the most delicious food for my friend and I.
cayaholic reacted to IstanbulWhiteboy in Age difference in Turkey, please help me!
wow. ok i think the voice of reason needs to step in here: don't waste your youth thinking about marriage. this isn't the 18th century, people live past 35 nowadays. there's no reason to even consider marriage before 25 or even 30 (and if you look at the statistics marriages between people who are younger than that are doomed to fail). yes, the idea of an "exotic" relationship sounds wonderful, but you're not even close to ready for the reality of it. women much older than you have been burned time and time again by this exact same fantasy (and that's exactly what it is). i guarantee he's not waiting for you, he's not "saving himself" for you, so why torture yourself? don't ruin your life. date. date people close to you, geographically. enjoy your youth while you have it. you WILL regret it otherwise.
cayaholic reacted to ash88 in Very early days but looking for advise
Well we finally did it!!
Tugrul and I married last week on our 1 year anniversary of meeting!
I have to say, I have never been happier. We did have a rocky patch when Tugrul first got here, as I already mentioned, as our relationship was put into a pressure cooker on fast forward and we had gone from barely seeing each other, to living together.... with another family.... whilst he adapted to his new surroundings.... whilst I adapted to being financially responsible for 2 people.... Whilst planning a wedding.... whilst he was out of work and whilst still getting to know each other. But we definitely came our the other side and with just the right amount of compromise on both parts, we survived and will continue to do so.
I feel like the luckiest woman in the world and for now, I am so glad that I took the risk with my Turk I have married my best friend and I trust him with my life. We are two peas from the same pod and although we are both stubborn, we have learnt to compromise on both parts. He treats me so well, always carrying bags, opening doors, covering me in the night if I look cold, cooking wonderful meals and running me a nice hot bath and pouring me a large wine for when I get in from a hard day at work. I know all of this will wear off, but the way he looks at me is like he's looking into my soul. He's so intense, yet he' so relaxed. And he's hysterically funny! A day doesn't go by that I don't laugh so hard my tummy hurts. But he can be serious when he needs to be. In his first month here, he escorted me to my Nan's funeral and was such a comfort. He even helped me to comfort my younger brothers as I'm so protective of them and I was getting upset seeing them cry (He'd only met them a few times). I don't know where I would be without my husband now and I still can't believe how much our lives have changed in just 1 year.
We applied yesterday for Tugrul's FLR and he was granted it without question which is fantastic!! He can now begin to look for work, which is great. It will take financial pressure off of me and allow Tugrul to begin to settle and feel like he is home. Being able to support me and "bring home the pork-free, turkey bacon" will make him so happy! Although he's a modern man, he's still very much a proud Turk and relying on me for everything has been the hardest thing for him.
We are due to return to Istanbul in August to visit Tugrul's family and then we can start thinking about a proper honeymoon! Woohoo!
I wish all of you ladies and gents that are starting out all of the very best. Be cautious, but be happy. Enjoy it for what it is and try not to get swept up. Things have gone quickly for Tugrul and I, but if I'd had any doubts, even up until the day we got married, I would have pulled out. I'm a very strong minded woman. We are waiting for a couple of years before we have children as we still do not have the foundation to start adding children to the mix. Both of us want to be sensible about all of this, even if his Mum is already trying to feed me up on olives and telling me she sees babies in my coffee!! Haha! Wishful thinking I think
Anyway, waffling and gushing I'm afraid.
Thank you all for your help. If anybody has any questions, I'm always free to help where I can x
cayaholic reacted to LindaAnneStaines in Relationship between British girl & turkish guy Advice please
Tater tot - I don't mean to cause offence or start a row so please don't take this the wrong way but I was quite taken aback by your comments underneath my one. I know they weren't aimed at me but as open forum I'd like to respond.
I think it was a bit harsh to say that Veronica is a magnet for drama. Considering you don't know her situation. I too was in a long relationship (8 years) with the person I thought I'd grow old with. That didn't work out and the next relationship also turned out to be slightly abusive. I didn't go looking for it! Not all people who live or work in tourist areas are uneducated. That is is a sweeping statement. I agree everyone should put themselves first and yes she is young however why should numbers get in the way of romance? What's to say it won't work out or will? Time off from men isn't necessarily the answer just be safe and don't rush into anything. If I took time out after my relationships I'd be 40 by the time I found someone!
Just be safe
cayaholic reacted to ParttimeTurkey in Turkish Men
Of course some charming men are not interested in a serious relationship, that happens many places. But you know, such advice is stupid, because what matter is your instinct and what it tells you. Not all Turkish men are interested in foregin women for money or the possability of a foregin visa. When you work in tourist places, tourist women is what you see and get attracted to, it is a simple as that.
Should you be reluctant to enter a serious relationship, especially what will be a Long Distance Relationship? Yes. Should you be careful about sending money to someone who have not known for a long time? Of course. Is it possable that you can get hurt in a relationship? Yes, but don't only blame the other person.
I did all the stuff you are supposed not to do, because I felt in my gut that I can trust him. He is not "a Turk", he is my boyfriend and so I do whatever it takes for us to keep close. It would be very strange for me, who have more money, to never share it with someone I love who earn far less than I do. Also, the other side of this is that the poorer guys who date us "tourist women" may feel like lesser man if we pay for dates and other things, even feel like male prostitutes. It is not only tourist women who can suspect they are being used for something other than love. Still at the end of the day you are with a person and that person has to trust you and you trust them. You could be wrong to trust, of course, still if you don't trust there is no love.
cayaholic got a reaction from WineGirl in is there anyone under 20 that are expat?
I think if you want to make friends in a foreign country you should be more open to being friends with people of different ages and backgrounds. Back in my home country, my friends tended to be the same age as me as we had met at school, university or our first job after graduating. Since moving to Turkey, however, I have made friends who are up to 60 years old. If we both speak English and get on, why not? I've found it really rewarding to have older friends. Good luck!