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Francine

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  1. Francine

    Confused

    Hi All,I've got a new sense about me and I have you to thank. I'm a sensible person, regarding your responses I've taken a little of each to put together which has undoubtedly given me much strength. I haven't got my head around what I foresee the outcome to be as of yet, however my first step will be to talk with a lawyer here. When one loses a significant person in their life, grief prevails with all it's stages. I'm definitely in shock, moving into anger. Just a month ago I had hope, today I don't want it. Already accepting what's happened I've validated the fact that I've been used indeed and I see it so very clearly now. I'm going to give myself time to go through the initial cycle of the stages before I make any final decisions regarding the details of divorce. I know this is inevitable in my situation, I haven't cried and I really want to, it will come I am sure. I wonder if anyone has ever written a letter to the mother/family of such a cruel and calculating man even though I'm sure they are in on it. I would really like to do this so that they get even a little sense of the monster they raised to fulfill such a dehumanizing scheme, ignorance or not. Sort of like bursting their bubble regarding the high regard they must have for their offspring that bestows them with opportunity and gifts, off of the back of a hard working, moral and decent human being such as I. Yes is it really worth it considering they wouldn't give a darn I am sure. I think it would be worth it as a stage in my own healing, just to know I did it without any expectation. Would you know of anyone who would translate what I write into Turkish for me? It's an option for sure. Thanks for listening. Francine
  2. Francine

    Confused

    Again, .... love the emoticons!
  3. Francine

    Confused

    Hello again,Thank you all for your replies, they were informative and provoked a stronger sense of knowing in terms of what I already knew yet didn't want to accept in my heart, I have now found a greater sense of acceptance and my heart thanks you for your time to help me sort this out. When in it one second guesses with all the emotions running rampant here and there. At the end of the day so to speak, one is left tired without energy to even care. I won't be nor am I a passive victim and do take responsibility for overlooking dynamics I really could have questioned/examined more thoroughly, I'm a much stronger woman than when I was in the state of confusion with it all, and I will certainly assert what is right by getting out of this sham of a marriage asap. My heart is in check now, no longer in conflict with what my mind has been telling me. Now it's time to plan, if you have any input as to the steps others have taken for separation and divorce I would surely appreciate it. I'm a 'process' kind of person so a step by step approach works for me, helps me to visualize the outcome better, thanks. With gratitude for your guidance,Francine
  4. Francine

    Confused

    Hello Everyone, I've been reading and would appreciate your opinions, because I suspect that I am being set up. Met on the internet, after two years we married in Turkiye (I went over there twice), we then worked on his visa application to come here. Here are the facts in point form: - we've been married for 4.5 years - he had no proof of employment, was refused visitor visa to come see me here before we married so I went to visit him and our romance turned into an engagement considering we visited everyday for 2 years before I went there to marry him. - he went into joint venture with a friend to open cafe while we were engaged, says he left it to his brother to take over for him in order to come here to be with me in our marriage. - we married in Turkiye and his parents/friends did not attend. His parents will not have anything to do with me and I have never formally met them. After we married he took me to his town on one of the days of our travels, I stayed in a hotel room while he went home to his parents on that day. - After marriage, I find out he has a son and he tells me that he only found out when the son was 1 and a half years old and never married the mother because it was only a one time thing. He says the son does not carry his name and he is not registered as his father. This was believable for me and I trusted this to be true. - husband has now lived in my country for 3 years. - he obtained employment working 16 hours a day, making around 2200.00 Euro dollars each month. Considering my income he didn't have to do that, he could have only worked a normal 8 hour day, but he insisted on working these long hours with only the weekends off. - he would never share his financial statements with me. - for 2 years I paid for everything; rent, food, utilities - all bills, so that he could establish credit for our future. - I got sick, had to go on leave from work and trusted I could then depend on him to pay bills until I could return to work. He would only pay sporadically and with much resentment to do so, leaving me to use all my employment insurance while on sick leave to appease his dismay so that he would not have to pay everything. - I became very upset, he would instigate frustration in me by pointing out anything and everything that would make him mad and then I too would get angry. He would be cold, coming home only to sleep and then go to work. On weekends he would be gone to meet with new friends he made from Turkiye or to play soccer. I know what mental abuse is and I believe we did it to each other for the past couple months before he left. - Finally I told him to leave because he made me very sad with the way he treated me, all because I asked him to be responsible and accountable, and he was...like for 3 months only. - I then became suspicious that he is sending much money home to Turkiye of which he would deny and that this is probably why he was being resentful to have to be responsible to our home. I want to believe him and regret thinking any other way. What is your opinion? - He then threatened to move out and he did. I asked him not to leave and he refuses to tell me where he lives, like he is treating me as if I am a nut or something and I am not. He is now paying 'room and board' which is only a quarter of our rent in our home. I see him buying presents for family from the mall, to take back with him when he goes to Turkiye and visits his parents/family. - There are times I must call him to help with the responsibility of our home and he will not answer my calls. - He says he is going back to Turkiye for a couple months and then he will talk to me when he returns about whether he wants our marriage or not, and I will have to comply with his conditions. In hindsight, and considering the present situation I find myself in because he has been gone for 3 weeks now: -I suspect my husband is setting me up to look like I kicked him out of our home, he will not acknowledge that I asked him NOT to leave and insists that it is what I wanted. I've told him that I believe we can work through our unresolved issues, yet he insists on taking care of his own well-being without any concern that I continue to be on sick leave from work and on employment insurance only. He says once I go back to work and I am better then he will consider our marriage again. In the meantime I am having to move because I cannot afford this residence without his help and he doesn't show any concern in this. -should I consider that he may have another family in Turkiye, considering he insists on returning each year for 5-8 weeks? Is there a way I can find this out and what would it cost me? - Do you think he is trying to establish that I am the one that has caused him pain in suffering when in fact it was I who endured this from him, due to his instigating frustration in our living situation with him always gone and not accountable to me? Are there any suggestions you would make to me to ensure that I protect what would be in my best interests...foresight. Considering all that I have shared, I suspect his intentions have not been honest from the start and I would appreciate your opinion on this, and any advice you could suggest for me. He is due to leave for Turkiye within the next few weeks and will return two months after. I understand that you are hearing one side, but I am sharing our problems to gain your advise with both of us in mind. I am always willing to take responsibility where I must and appreciate when that is pointed out to me constructively. By now I'm sure you can understand that I am confused and this is why I am sharing with you as those on the outside, looking in. Would you be suspicious if you were in my shoes? Thank you for listening and I look forward to your response/s.
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