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Oncebitten

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  1. Hey guys. 4 months late on the reply, sorry! I'm awful at getting back to people lol anyway thank you very much for taking the time to respond to my post, it's greatly appreciated. I'm still here at the minute with my daughter and my husband and I have had a handful of arguments since I first posted this thread. It's taken me 8 long years to see what was right in front of me and only within the last year I've started to see everything for what it is. I'm due to fly back to the UK in 3 weeks time if all is okay virus wise I've mentioned it to my mum briefly and she said I could stay with her until I get sorted. The other day I also was taken aback as my husband randomly as he was going out the door threw in mention of having another baby which completely baffled me due to the arguments we'd had. Clearly there are a number of problems in our marriage that I hoped would be worked on but it seems they've obviously just gone way over his head. I've made it clear on a number of occasions that I do not want anymore with him and he said he understood and that it was okay. Now it's like he hasn't taken what I've said seriously and threw into convo. I tried to be careful what way I handled the situation as I'm still trying to make it to the getting back home stage. So I waited until this morning and gently asked if he would get me some more of my contraceptive pill, which he did. This is obviously another way of him trying to either keep me here or make me want to return. It doesn't. Again thanks for the help everyone. It's great to have advice from others point of view. I will keep an update once I've returned home! (if I do with said virus circulating!!) Also to the lady thinking of marrying in the same situation as me, if I can give you any advice before you marry this man, don't do it! Please don't. I love my husband and know he has a good heart, it's just his culture and he's so used to it but my life has been pretty controlled. I'm not allowed to do anything basically. I stay inside 95% of the time. I also was told that it's not safe here for me to have coffee with my friends as I'm a foreigner! Which is bull crap to be honest. A few other girls 8 know have full independence and their husband's support them. If you're already seeing warning signs then do not go ahead and marry this man. He's not going to change or get better just because you're married. It. Will. Get. Worse. I wish I'd been told this before I married! Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do, just don't be blind sighted like I was x
  2. Thank you for your reply. Sometimes it's hard to know if I'm over reacting as I've been called names so many times that I start to doubt myself telling myself Its my fault and that I should respect the culture more. (i do anyway) I'm a shy person in general but even when I go outside I'm scared and comfortable to even make eye contact with anyone incase he gets angry or annoyed. I have flights booked for march as I'd planned to visit home then for a few weeks but I'm possibly going to use this as my escape route. Thanks again
  3. Hi, I'm new to the site. I just joined today. I'm hoping someone can give me their thoughts on the subject and possibly share their own experiences on it. So i am married to a kurdish man and we are living in Turkey. (3 years living here and 7 years together) we also have a 4 year old daughter. The problem I am having is the constant arguing between us. It never stops. If I say something that he does not agree with, I get called stupid, a b*tch, bad heart and many worse things. I'm not allowed to talk to anyone outside otherwise I'm "not normal". Even if I'm in the park with my daughter and I speak to another Turkish mum there, he hates it. I have one friend here who is from Europe, sometimes we try to get our kids together to play and for fresh air. My husband hates this and says it's also not normal to have friends. He wants me to stay inside all the time and clean constantly. I'm not allowed to wear make up or wear my hair down. Even though I don't wear make up often, I'm not "allowed" to do this. I'm often told what to wear even though my clothes are respectful and don't show skin. It doesn't matter. I understand I'm living in Turkey so I should respect Turkish culture which I really do, but surely when marrying into a multi cultural couple there should be some give and take. I try my best to do what is asked of me but it never seems to be enough. I offered him to get divorced if he's unhappy like this but he attacks me verbally then telling me I'm sick in the head and that 8 need help. There is no affection there. We sleep in seperate rooms. We don't even sit close to each other on the sofa. We barely talk. If my parents video call me, he gets angry and doesn't like it. Normally they call to see their grand daughter which should be normal. The thing about it is, when we first met it wasn't like this. Then suddenly when we got married and had a child, it all started to become controlling. Like I said I respect our marriage and Turkish culture but sometimes I think this is a little unfair? I'm not allowed to speak to my neighbours even though they're friendly and ask me for coffee. (their house is literally next to mine so it's not unsafe or far away). I'm just lost and don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he expects the world from me but then no matter what I do it's not enough. Is this normal? Am I being too sensitive? Is it my fault that it's like this? I'm considering just going back home with my daughter then sorting out visiting arrangements so he can see her as often as possible. I'm just not sure how it can keep going like this for the rest of our lives.. Also please be kind with your replies. I can't take anymore abuse lol
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