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Sirin

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Sirin last won the day on August 16 2013

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About Sirin

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  1. Hi Louise MarieSorry I'm so late in replying to your post. I've had a little time out, so I am not up to date with your story, but I wish you lots of luck with your appeal.Not everyone who goes to appeal has representation. I know of people who have represented themselves and been successful. Judges don't expect fancy legal argument -they just want more information, so they can make a judgement call.I have even known of occasions when the Home Office didn't even turn up - which didn't go down well with the judge.You may be given the opportunity to present more information before the hearing. Do this, and address the points on which you were rejected. Sometimes the Home Office overturn the decision even before getting to court, if the evidence is strong enough to make them doubt they'd win.Whatever you do, don't give up hope. People may judge your situation - and they will - but as a UK citizen, you can take advantage of the full appeal process. That is your right. There isn't an absolute guarantee that all spouses get a visa, no matter what - and that is actually as it should be. But a high percentage of appeals are successful, so what do you have to lose?I'll read your story properly later, to see what you're up against and maybe offer an opinion (though I don't claim to be any type of authority).You could also try getting in touch with the Immigration Advisory Service. They're no longer a free service, but they do offer a legal aid scheme depending on your circumstances.chin up...... best of luck.
  2. Hi tornheart - welcome to the site!9 years ago, I went to Turkey for the first time and met a man. I did not expect to hear from him after I returned home, and in fact I felt insulted that he thought I was gullible enough to believe him when he said how much he liked me, and how he wanted me to come back at the end of the season, and how he thought I was different from other girls he'd met.I was surprised when he kept in touch, but did not let my guard down towards him just because of a few texts and emails. I did internet searches for 'turkish loverats', 'turkish scams', etc and came across a forum for girls with Turkish boyfriends. It was nice to have others to talk to.I then realised that many Turkish men DO keep in touch with the women they meet on holiday, and that I should not necessarily read too much into it. In fact, if you do some research yourself, you'll find that longterm relationships between Turkish men and foreign women are not at all uncommon.Not all of these relationships work out. Most of them end unhappily, to be truthful with you. Some do turn into happy relationships though.Just because someone has stayed in touch with you, and you become their girlfriend, it does not necessarily follow that they are genuine. There are many advantages for a Turkish man to pursue a relationship with a foreign woman - but I'm not saying this to put you off.All I'm saying is - plenty of men do this. Probably most of the unmarried men working in resorts (and some of the married ones!). It doesn't necessarily mean the man you've met has done this before, but it's possible.But you have to judge your relationship for yourself. As the others have said, there can be alarm bells, which some people ignore.Try to keep your wits about you, even though this can be hard when you're attracted to someone and trying to work out where your relationship's going.Good luck - hope it goes well for you.
  3. Hi ellissayolayWelcome to the forum, and congratulations on the forthcoming birth of your baby.Sorry to hear that you were refused your visit visa. They are very difficult for tourism workers to be granted - especially if they have a relationship in the UK. Settlement Visas do have a higher success rate - but you have to meet the criteria.Relationship Criteria - - this should not be a problem for you after 4 years living together, and with a child on the way.Accommodation Criteria- that you have a place to live that would not be overcrowded as a result of him moving in. They'll need to see evidence of your mum's mortgage or tenancy agreement, including some evidence of the number of bedrooms in the property. They'd expect there to be 2 separate bedrooms - so that you and your husband would have your own room. They wouldn't need there to be a separate room for the baby. It would be a good idea for your mum to write a sponsor letter as well as you, stating that you could both live there for as long as it took for you both to be able to support yourselves and get your own place.Proof of your income and any savings you have - this is the tricky one....they will be looking to see how long you could support yourselves before he got a job. They will want to see evidence of your income and your outgoings/bills. As Abi said, they expect you to have roughly
  4. So sorry to read your story. It's good to hear you being so strong - it's surprising how many girls and women are prepared to believe very elaborate stories, even when they know in their hearts that they're being deceived.It's not unheard of for whole families to collude with a story, if they think it will bring in money. The wife does not always have a choice about whether to play along and be passed off as the ex wife or even the sister.By comparison to some stories I've witnessed, you've actually had a relatively lucky escape, even if it doesn't seem that way now.totally agree with what others have said - if there is no honesty and trust in a relationship, it doesn't bode well for the future. Some of what he's said may have been the truth, such as his illness - but there is no room for any deception in a marriage. There is no good reason for an engaged man to have 2 facebook accounts. What does he have to say to his customers that you couldn't have seen?Guys who are prone to deception often don't back down even when found out. So even if you'd have tried to press him for answers, he may still have lied and even been angry with you for not trusting him. A clean break is probably better for you than having him try to emotionally blackmail you. And although you're probably unlikely to get your money back, breaking contact is probably better for your peace of mind.Stay strong. If you feel yourself weakening, post up on here as a sounding board if it helps.
  5. Sirin

    Titles

    I don't mind being Yenge to my Turkish family, but I'm not sure I like it when we're on holiday and the waiters call me it. I know they're being respectful, but I sometimes feel I lose my identity in my own right after a while. If people are going to call my husband Ozkan Bey, I'd rather have my name too than just be 'my brother's wife' to someone I don't even know.I know there's no harm meant, but it touches a nerve sometimes.But ironically, in church I like being called sister. Most people do use my name, and 'sister' is dropped in like you might sometimes say 'canim' or honey. But I also was a member of a gospel church where we were all 'Sister Jan', 'Sister Beth' or 'Brother Paul', etc. It's not very common in the UK, and did make me feel like part of the family.Like everyone else though, I dread when instead of 'abla' (big sister), I become 'teyze' - aunty!
  6. Some bases do relax the rule on mobile phones after the initial 10 weeks, or turn a blind eye to the fact that someone has sneaked one in. My ex took his sim card in until he could get his turn - and in the meantime could get to the public phones most nights.But we should be honest and say that even if there is a queue for the public phones in the base, when they start getting time off at the weekends, they are usually allowed into town and can use phones and the internet cafe.Of course they have to contact family in this time and will probably also want the support of friends. But 3 months is a long time not to have got round to calling a girlfriend.I don't mean to make assumptions, but for the guys who have more than one girl that they're in contact with when they go into the army, they will only be able to see one during their leave - so they can often come up with a reason as to why they can't see them after all or they may just reduce it down to staying in contact with one.That's a generalisation of course, but it would be hard to think why a guy who was very interested in a girl could not find a way of getting in touch. Even if he'd have lost your number (conceivable, as these days people save them mostly in their mobile), he must have an email address for you, and would surely have anticipated this before going in anyway? Or as you say, there's facebook.And there are always those old fashioned things called called letters. They're allowed to receive letters, even if they are normally read by their commanders first. The rumour is that not all commanders pass on letters that aren't written in Turkish - but a few simple phrases in Turkish would be possible.Obviously we don't know what's happened, but as posters have said - it would probably be a good idea not to rely on his feelings. If he has decided not to continue........ shame on him, and he didn't deserve you.
  7. Brilliant advice from everyone I would say! As Abi says, if you check out the link in my signature below, there is a board there for Visas, and you'll see experiences from those who've tried.But to be fair, I think the ladies have really summed it up very well above. As Lucid says, you're probably best just trying anyway. I can remember discussing tourist visas with some friends in Ankara a few years ago - a professional couple, and a woman who worked extensively as a interpreter. They told me about holidays they'd had in Europe, and I asked them was it not difficult to get tourism visas?They looked at me in surprise and said, no why should it be difficult? Until then I'd only discussed tourist visas with friends who had Turkish partners. Most of their boyfriends worked in tourism, and the penny dropped that this had skewed my view of the success rates. It all depends on the status of applicant in Turkey. They don't even have to have a sponsor in the UK, as long as they could evidence where they were staying and how they were paying for their trip.So as the others have said - give it a go, but stress that his home is in Turkey and all the things that prove that, such as looking for another engineering job there.The best of luck with the application. And if you could do with a bit of support while he finishes his Army, there's also an Army board on Turkish Love where the girls are supporting each other with the countdown!
  8. Hi NooraHas this mostly been during Ramazan, or was it before as well? During Ramazan, a lot of people sleep late if they don't have to get up, and stay up late during the hours that they can eat. After Ramazan, they may return to more normal hours?There's also the heat during the day.I'm not sure if I'd be able to adapt to it either, but I can see why some people adjust their body clocks like that.
  9. Sophie - you must be on a knife edge waiting for this.I can only tell you that to my memory, I have only ever heard of 1 unsuccessful appeal in the 9 years I've been speaking to other women with Turkish partners. I've heard of at least 10 or more successful ones in that time. Even cases where the ECO has given several reasons for refusing the original application. The refused case had issues to do with overstaying.Unless the consulate have made a clear error (eg by not reading your evidence properly or not following their own rules), most of them do let it go to court rather than overturning the decision just on the paperwork you've sent. Sometimes they just do this to buy time though - they don't always send a representative to defend their case. This can irritate the judge, so can go in favour of the applicant.But even if you expect the worst - it goes to court, the Home Office send a representative, and you have to make your case...... if you've presented evidence that you meet the criteria, there's a very good chance that you'll get it. If you meet the criteria, they won't have a reason to refuse.Hope you won't have to wait too long to find out, and best of luck.
  10. Hi ChicaI'm a little late adding to your thread, as I just got back from Turkey (to Uk) last week, and have been settling back home and catching up.I'm a relative newly wed to some of the others here - I've been married to my Turkish hubby for 5 years.Giving you my take on 'Turkish Culture' would probably take ages, and probably be useless to you. In the end, you make your own culture in a relationship. To what degree it's influenced by Turkey and to what degree it's influenced by your American / Spanish culture will depend on the little decisions you make on a daily basis together. If you have a future together and you visit / live in Turkey, you'll probably find that the life of a woman could vary vastly depending on where you go. The generational differences you wonder about are more apparent in some areas than others. There's a good chance that if you visit a village, you'll see that most girls move from their mother's house to their marital home - or maybe even to their mother-in-law's house - and they would expect to lead quite a domesticated life of housekeeping and visiting family. Within a city, there will be more opportunities to work - but not within all families, as not all families will want their daughter / wife to work.As someone has said already, there's no substitute for actually going over there for a visit when the time is right. Visiting your boyfriend's family may give you an insight into the sort of family roles that he envisages - but then again, having expanded his own horizons, he may choose to live differently to them! Still, it helps build the picture of what has made him the person he is.A member of the forum I run for girls with Turkish partners (sorry for the blatant plug!) would probably be able to answer a lot of your questions from her experience as an American woman who met and married a Turkish man. She's over in Turkey at the moment, having just had their Turkish wedding and staying with the family for the first time.You could either look out for her on the site (see the link below in my signature), or I could put you in touch with each other if you like. But don't feel obliged - just if you think it might help.I wish you luck in your relationship. I know many girls who having met a Turkish man have a real thirst and curiosity for all things Turkish - but in the end, I think it's good to see faults and pitfalls as well as seeing the good things. Every culture has its good and bad aspects.Hope everything works out well for you.
  11. Hi atayvieDo you know about kissing the hand of an older relative and putting it to your forehead? It's a sign of respect. She may possibly then go for a kiss on either cheek.Occasionally, the other person may pull their hand away and just go for the cheek kissing, to show that they don't need you to be so formal - but only after having offered the hand first.... so it can be a bit of a test!!I'm sure she'd be charmed by the traditional greeting. Your boyfriend will probably have done it first, so you can just copy.In the end though - just be yourself. It's your boyfriend's job to support you with the family, and fight for your relationship if that's what it comes to. Best of luck.
  12. Those who actually live in Turkey will be more expert than me - but I think keeping a bit of distance is the right thing to do. It's not right to generalise about 'people in Turkey', and some of these men might genuinely just be friendly - however, things can get misinterpreted, especially as it will be noted that you're travelling alone. Even in a touristic area, it's still a different culture than you or I are used to.Part of the problem for female tourists in Turkey is that we sometimes get trapped by our own politeness. It's actually a bit rude of them to shout at you in the street, and enquire where you're going, even if it's said with a smile. They wouldn't shout after a Turkish girl in the same way unless they knew her (and maybe not even then). So you're under no obligation at all to speak to them - especially as the ones who are talking to you are not the ones that helped you, so you don't owe them anything. They're being cheeky actually, and they are taking advantage of the fact that you don't have a male travelling with you. A quick wave but carrying on with a purpose and without replying might be the way to go. No need to look rude, but no matter how charming they are, I think you're right to be cautious.
  13. Sirin

    Hi Everyone,

    Hi again HopeRecently it does seem to be taking almost the full 12 weeks - whereas I can remember a time when a straightforward application might only take a few weeks.We were really lucky with ours - you used to be able to go to North Cyprus, and if you queued from early in the morning you'd get a same day decision. Only residents of North Cyprus can apply there now.I guess you might as well prepare yourself for the full wait, and anything less will be a bonus!Jan
  14. Sirin

    Hi Everyone,

    Best of luck with the Fiance Visa application Hope. It's stressful having to wait for the decision, but as long as you meet the criteria, your chances are much higher than for a visit visa.Hope you get a yes, and welcome back!Jan
  15. Sirin

    Appeal Process

    SophieI'm so sorry to hear you've been refused. I don't have personal experience of an appeal, but others who have been through it have reported that the Borders Agency have 19 weeks to reply to the tribunal after you've submitted your appeal.Most of the time, it appears that they do take the full 19 weeks to reply, even on the occasions that they overturn the decision without going to the tribunal.I've heard of some quicker decisions, but only when the appeal has been on the grounds of the ECO making a serious and obvious mistake in the application.Because of the long waiting period, some people don't appeal and put in a fresh application - but obviously most people aren't willing to pay a further visa fee.On a positive note - I'm not saying that appeals never fail, but I have only heard of one that was not successful in the 8 years I've been on Turkey forums.Best of luck - hope it comes right for you in the end.
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