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  1. Like
    brokenflower reacted to YabanciGirl in Older Female Foreigner with a Younger Turkish Male based in Asia   
    Aren't you girls concerned about the fact that these guy's mothers are making all the decisions in thier lives. Imagine when you do marry this will continue, she will have a say in everything, what will your future be like? 
  2. Like
    brokenflower reacted to milkmilk in Older Female Foreigner with a Younger Turkish Male based in Asia   
    thanks everyone for the comments. I guess i was just hoping otherwise. Indeed i myself have thought about it too. Why would i be lesser of a family if we were planning to be serious? it really shouldnt be just a choice in that sense nor at least without putting up a good try. Instead it was merely over a span of 1-2 weeks this was then decided with few conversations with the family. Or so it seems to me. I was just hoping someone else would not echo what i have in my head but to give me some faith in trying to convince him otherwise. just a pity so much has been shared of the future and to remain steadfast and faithful and in the end i really wonder what is true out there. Regardless of the long conversations that has been discussed about the future, meaning of love etc etc.. 
    thank u. 
  3. Like
    brokenflower reacted to conan198903 in Older Female Foreigner with a Younger Turkish Male based in Asia   
    Hello, MilkMilk. Welcome to the forum. 
    Sorry to hear about what you are going through now.
    I don't know the situation in Singapore but in China (and I think in most part of Asia probably), family is still an important factor that affects marriage. They always say that getting married is more than just about a couple being together. It is about the union of two families. It is therefore quite common for other family members to get involved into issues that are supposed to be handled only between the couple. In Turkey, it is more or less the same I guess.  
    That being said, I don't really like how some family members are interfering with other members' marriage lives. I believe family members should be in support of their family members' effort to keep a happy marriage and make their own judgement about what to do with their marriage instead of trying to tear couples apart.
    Another issue is about your boyfriend's attitude. If I were to face a similar situation, I would defend my girlfriend UNLESS I don't love her that much. Parents are important but the one with whom I am going to get married is family too, and probably, the most important family member,  because she is the one with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life. If your boyfriend is "having a cold feet" just because of what his family members said, then apparently his love for is not as much as your love for him I am afriad  
  4. Like
    brokenflower reacted to Meral in Older Female Foreigner with a Younger Turkish Male based in Asia   
    Hello MM, welcome to the forum!  While parents generally won't object if their son dates a foreign woman, when it comes to marriage, it's a different ball game.   And Turkish men generally follow their parents' advice (especially mother's) in the matter of marriage.  If he loved you enough, he'd have to make the hard life decision to go against his parents' wishes, and there are not many who will disappoint their parents in this way.
    I know it's difficult for you, but I also think you should forget this man -- he would always put his parents before you in any case.  Just step back & let him go. Don't waste any more of your precious time, find someone who will put you first.  If the man has to spend another couple of years in China, he will realize the futility of dating another Chinese girl as it would eventually lead to parental disapproval.
    I hope you will find a man to make happy, as that should be all that's necessary for parents to approve.  Good luck!
  5. Like
    brokenflower reacted to cayaholic in British girl and Turkish guy romance, advice greatly received.   
    Where do you really expect this relationship to go?
    Butterflies are really powerful, even more so when you're on holiday and it's more exciting, but sometimes it's best to leave it at that. I don't mean to be negative but it's hard enough to make any relationship work, but when you're in different countries it's even worse. As a Turk he's not going to be able to come to the UK easily, and do you really want to give up your life to go there? I know some girls do do that, but it always makes me sad...back in the UK, they could be getting higher education, learning skills, basically enjoy being a young person in a free society but in Turkey they often become quasi housewives. 
  6. Like
    brokenflower reacted to Sunny in British girl and Turkish guy romance, advice greatly received.   
    Everyone thinks that their romance is the "One in Ten" but unfortunately it's not the case.  
    Getting involved with anyone in a different country and especially a different culture needs to be taken VERY slowly and a lot of research done about the differences. It's so easy when you think you are in love to minimise these differences but these are the things that turn relationships sour.
    You must remember that getting involved with a Turk means that you are getting involved with the whole family, which is very different (believe me) form UK culture.
    I would suggest that you find the thread "What makes a marriage to a Turk work," and read it carefully.
  7. Like
    brokenflower got a reaction from Ken Grubb in What Makes A Marriage To A Turk Work?   
    I was planning my life with him, I thought we would have been a happy married couple...but now everything is in the dust..we're just past and memories...
    I can't believe is over, I can't believe we will walk in our lives far from each other...
  8. Like
    brokenflower got a reaction from Ken Grubb in What Makes A Marriage To A Turk Work?   
    Hi everyone...
    I'm new in the forum and, as my nickname says, I'm quite broken right now.

    A few months ago my love story with my turkish boyfriend (and husband to be) has come to an end.

    We got through all the rough times (Being far, soldier, finishing uni, requiring visas etc) and I thought it was finally time for us to live our happy life, but not: it's over, instead.

    I still love him (and I suffer too much), but I had to close our relationship and even if he was crying and saying "no" at the beginning now he's going really fine with it, never contacting me and deleting me from his life.

    To make a long story short: the problem, the huge problem, was/is/would always be...

    We met in 2011 while I was working in TR. We lived together, we were very happy and in love. Then I went back to my country (I really missed my family, and dog, and nieces too much for going a year more...also I lived a horrible experience with mobbing at work and so I wasn't ready to live in TR one more time after just 2 months of holidayS, even if my love for him was huge).

    After 1 year of visiting each other, he finally stayed 8 months in my city and my home, and we lived super well and happy together.
    I couldn't be any more happy...
    I thought we could and would be happy forever ... until his parents started to be very oppressive/bossy/bitchy/devilish.

    At the beginning of our story they were like ghosts (and I was very happy about it): he wasn't caring too much about them, they were living in different cities and basically not caring about each other...when he was calling to say hi they were "scared" if he could ask any money to them so their phone calls were super fast and - I dare to say - super rude. One time he was very sad about that, he said to me "I just wanted to say hi and ask if everything was fine...but they treated me so awful because they thought I was going to ask them money!!". Shame on them.

    Anyway, when he came near me they suddenly became "huge fans" of their son: they were calling him every day on skype for at least 1 hour every night (sometimes 2 hours O.o ) for knowing everything about what we were doing, where we were going, what we were eating, everything.
    They never asked anything about his life before, not even "how are you doing" and suddenly they become super loving and caring parents...
    His mother was also crying on Skype...and I was becoming super angry!!!
    He lived like a prince in my city and my home, he was totally free and trusted, everyone in my family loved him and respected him...and his parents were behaviouring like he was a soldier in a war!

    Anyway, we rarely fighted while he was here...and when we did it, it was always due to his horrible parents.

    At the beginning of our story they showed themselves very open minded and nice to me, and I used to like them even if they were sometimes intrusive and really obsessed with money; the first two times that I went in their home (and not in his own student apartment) we even managed to have the possibility to decide what to do and where to go.

    Anyway, after those 8 dreamy months in my city I decided to go with him, and it was both a mistake and... Destiny (because I had the chance to see the real face of his parents!).

    After getting out of my home everything changed, I felt it was over. And it really was over, even if we survived for a year more.

    Arrived to his city his parents started to be very annoying and intrusive. We never had any time to be alone. Every day, every second, they were arranging something with relatives and friends (both coming to their home or arranging us to go).

    It was a hell for me. I was crying, I was really unhappy and frustrated, also because he was never saying something to them, he was just obeying like a soldier. Also he was going out with his male friends at night and leaving me in home with those two...
    I was in that small city and in that home for him and he was going out by himself with his friends. So sweet and caring.

    It was a horrible, horrible time for me. A nightmare. I just wanted to go back home, waiting for that f*cking soldier to be over (he was going to go in a few months) and start our life together...even in Turkey (I had some problems while living there, as I said...but for him, I could even live there...maybe not forever but for a while! And for sure going back whenever we could...because, even if I had problems in back in there, I loved and respected his country!) but far from those two.

    Probably his parents were thinking their son would have broken up with that yabanci one day soon, not putting wedding on the table.

    After he came back home from soldier everything went to hell...and in less than a month it was over. We fighted for a month non stop. Every day, every minute, every second.

    I had found a job already, I was sure to go (I even had my plane tickets), I was going to sign the contract and ... he finally said to me His Father was sad because he was going to live in another city! I became a fool... I said to him that they were sad and he was just 2 hours by car far from theM...what my parents should have said theN??? Their only girl was going to another country and they were just happy for me and for us! What a disgusting people.

    It happened also that while we were on Skype his gentleman father pretended to not see me while he went near his son and when I said Hi he answered in a very rude and disgusting way, pretending to be fast and busy, not even smiling to me. Generally he was saying KIZIM to me...that time he barely said hi and my name.

    The problem was that I was daring to take their son from them...
    And they just care about the money he will make with his job, not about him. They didn't even remember his birthday while he was a soldier...he was sad about that but now who cares! It's better to delete me than his awful and devilish parents from his life.

    They brainwashed him after he came back from his military service. They started to not talk to him, to fight even with each other, they played their game oh so well. They even gave some "gold" to him, a few days after he was back home: he should sell it because they didn't have any money for their bills!!!
    Gosh. They are evil. They are devils. They already made their first son to come back from Europe, years ago, and break up with his yabanci fiance...
    Now he's married with a turk... and they're not even happy, they were saying all the worst things about her (so, I thought, they do the same with me when I just turn my back!) but better a turk than a yabanci.

    Now I'm heartbroken, he's saying we will have problems in the future and he doens't wanna divorce.
    Problems are: 1) where to live - he doesn't wanna go away (never) from TR,,,suddenly he has changed his mind...in the past 4 years his mind was open to a future abroad but now, after the brainwashing: NO! Just TR.
    2) his parents (at the beginning of the fight they were just a small problem...now they're the second main problem...and I would say the only one!
    3) he became scared about marrying! -.-"

    Guys please I need some help. I'm heartbroken, I can't cope with all this pain and sorrow.
    I've lost my smile, I can't believe all this happened to me and to us.

    I can't believe he choose them, these people who never gave anything to him - not even love and care -, instead of me (I loved him truly and dearly, with all my heart!).

    I have never wanted him to "break up" with his parents, why should I, but I didn't want to live near them...in their same city...but now he wants to live near them,...and he was planning to bring his mother to our home one day,,,what a nightmare.

    Everyone near me, that knows all the story and all the evil things said and made by those two, are saying to me that I'm so lucky that I've lost him now and not after a marriage or after having babies...
    I'm thinking the same too when I'm clear headed and rational...but I still love him and I can't believe he has changed his behaviour, his mind, his heart and his brain in that way. He looked like a free spirit in the past but...the unhealthy boundaries came forward and destroyed everything.
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