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brokenflower

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Everything posted by brokenflower

  1. Hi Moni. I had a similar problem...but we were together since 4 years! His parents and friends seemed fine with me until the end, when we started talking about our plans in a serious way. I am now sure that they were just faking their kindness towards me and towards our relationship, probably they were thinking that it would end eventually...so when things became serious they started the COLD WAR against him and our projects. I gave up and throw in the towel, as you said. It was clear that his family and friends were in the first place for him, more than me, more than our projects, more than our love, more than everything we created in 4 years. It was hard but now I'm happy with that, better now than later (after marriage,,,scary!). I'd like to know what happened to you... xx
  2. Hello everyone. Six months ago I broke up with my turkish boyfriend after 4 years. I had to stop our relationship because, in the last months, we couldn't find a compromise. It should always be me to accept and to compromise, to change my country, my habits, myself, while he would keep his life as he wanted and, most of all, would please all the terrible people near him (possessive family and friends). Some examples: it was simple for me to go to Turkey and fix all the foreign stuff (Visa, learning turkish etc) but it was hard or impossible for him to come to my country and do the same things (he stayed one year in my country for a language course in Uni and he didn't learn anything because he was too lazy, sleeping until noon!). It was ok for me to leave my country, my family, my friends, my car, my everything, but it wasn't ok for him: his parents and even his friends were putting their noses and their tongues in our decisions and he was listening to them more than me!!! I had already found a job in TR and bought my plane ticket, so it's clear that I was ready to move to Turkey but ... this situation wasn't good enough for him and his family&friends! His father started a war against him because he was planning to move to a different city, his mother and relatives and friends were all oh so sad, creating problems and feelings of guilt. At the end of the road, after our breaking up, now he's working in his small horrible city, near his friends and horrible family and I'm going on with my life, and I'm so happy for that now! It has been hard at first because I was planning my life with him, we were even thinking to marry... but now I feel so lucky to have my life back. I would like to know other stories of women who broke up with their boys and, at the end, are happy for that... I'd like to know if other girls experienced the same problems with family and friends. I've always felt I was his last thought but he was persuading me that it wasn't true...but. at the end, I understood that I was right since the beginning! Luckily we didn't marry because I would have been so unhappy with him...and his family!!! Thank you Bye!
  3. Thank you so much for your answer, Meral. Unfortunately it's over for him, he made his choice and it's his parents and his city. I've lost my "war"...you can't win against this kind of turkish parents. I have to say that I see a lot of women who are moving to Turkey...and apparently their love stories can exist just because they decide to leave everything behind them and please their partner. I'd like to say there are also men who leave their country for their lovers and wives but, I'm sorry, I don't see any. I just see women who fight for their love...and men who don't wanna lose anything.
  4. I was planning my life with him, I thought we would have been a happy married couple...but now everything is in the dust..we're just past and memories... I can't believe is over, I can't believe we will walk in our lives far from each other... :,-(
  5. Hi everyone... I'm new in the forum and, as my nickname says, I'm quite broken right now. A few months ago my love story with my turkish boyfriend (and husband to be) has come to an end. We got through all the rough times (Being far, soldier, finishing uni, requiring visas etc) and I thought it was finally time for us to live our happy life, but not: it's over, instead. I still love him (and I suffer too much), but I had to close our relationship and even if he was crying and saying "no" at the beginning now he's going really fine with it, never contacting me and deleting me from his life. To make a long story short: the problem, the huge problem, was/is/would always be... HIS PARENTS. We met in 2011 while I was working in TR. We lived together, we were very happy and in love. Then I went back to my country (I really missed my family, and dog, and nieces too much for going a year more...also I lived a horrible experience with mobbing at work and so I wasn't ready to live in TR one more time after just 2 months of holidayS, even if my love for him was huge). After 1 year of visiting each other, he finally stayed 8 months in my city and my home, and we lived super well and happy together. I couldn't be any more happy... I thought we could and would be happy forever ... until his parents started to be very oppressive/bossy/bitchy/devilish. At the beginning of our story they were like ghosts (and I was very happy about it): he wasn't caring too much about them, they were living in different cities and basically not caring about each other...when he was calling to say hi they were "scared" if he could ask any money to them so their phone calls were super fast and - I dare to say - super rude. One time he was very sad about that, he said to me "I just wanted to say hi and ask if everything was fine...but they treated me so awful because they thought I was going to ask them money!!". Shame on them. Anyway, when he came near me they suddenly became "huge fans" of their son: they were calling him every day on skype for at least 1 hour every night (sometimes 2 hours O.o ) for knowing everything about what we were doing, where we were going, what we were eating, everything. They never asked anything about his life before, not even "how are you doing" and suddenly they become super loving and caring parents... His mother was also crying on Skype...and I was becoming super angry!!! He lived like a prince in my city and my home, he was totally free and trusted, everyone in my family loved him and respected him...and his parents were behaviouring like he was a soldier in a war! Anyway, we rarely fighted while he was here...and when we did it, it was always due to his horrible parents. At the beginning of our story they showed themselves very open minded and nice to me, and I used to like them even if they were sometimes intrusive and really obsessed with money; the first two times that I went in their home (and not in his own student apartment) we even managed to have the possibility to decide what to do and where to go. Anyway, after those 8 dreamy months in my city I decided to go with him, and it was both a mistake and... Destiny (because I had the chance to see the real face of his parents!). After getting out of my home everything changed, I felt it was over. And it really was over, even if we survived for a year more. Arrived to his city his parents started to be very annoying and intrusive. We never had any time to be alone. Every day, every second, they were arranging something with relatives and friends (both coming to their home or arranging us to go). It was a hell for me. I was crying, I was really unhappy and frustrated, also because he was never saying something to them, he was just obeying like a soldier. Also he was going out with his male friends at night and leaving me in home with those two... I was in that small city and in that home for him and he was going out by himself with his friends. So sweet and caring. It was a horrible, horrible time for me. A nightmare. I just wanted to go back home, waiting for that f*cking soldier to be over (he was going to go in a few months) and start our life together...even in Turkey (I had some problems while living there, as I said...but for him, I could even live there...maybe not forever but for a while! And for sure going back whenever we could...because, even if I had problems in back in there, I loved and respected his country!) but far from those two. Probably his parents were thinking their son would have broken up with that yabanci one day soon, not putting wedding on the table. After he came back home from soldier everything went to hell...and in less than a month it was over. We fighted for a month non stop. Every day, every minute, every second. I had found a job already, I was sure to go (I even had my plane tickets), I was going to sign the contract and ... he finally said to me His Father was sad because he was going to live in another city! I became a fool... I said to him that they were sad and he was just 2 hours by car far from theM...what my parents should have said theN??? Their only girl was going to another country and they were just happy for me and for us! What a disgusting people. It happened also that while we were on Skype his gentleman father pretended to not see me while he went near his son and when I said Hi he answered in a very rude and disgusting way, pretending to be fast and busy, not even smiling to me. Generally he was saying KIZIM to me...that time he barely said hi and my name. The problem was that I was daring to take their son from them... And they just care about the money he will make with his job, not about him. They didn't even remember his birthday while he was a soldier...he was sad about that but now who cares! It's better to delete me than his awful and devilish parents from his life. They brainwashed him after he came back from his military service. They started to not talk to him, to fight even with each other, they played their game oh so well. They even gave some "gold" to him, a few days after he was back home: he should sell it because they didn't have any money for their bills!!! Gosh. They are evil. They are devils. They already made their first son to come back from Europe, years ago, and break up with his yabanci fiance... Now he's married with a turk... and they're not even happy, they were saying all the worst things about her (so, I thought, they do the same with me when I just turn my back!) but better a turk than a yabanci. Now I'm heartbroken, he's saying we will have problems in the future and he doens't wanna divorce. Problems are: 1) where to live - he doesn't wanna go away (never) from TR,,,suddenly he has changed his mind...in the past 4 years his mind was open to a future abroad but now, after the brainwashing: NO! Just TR. 2) his parents (at the beginning of the fight they were just a small problem...now they're the second main problem...and I would say the only one! 3) he became scared about marrying! -.-" Guys please I need some help. I'm heartbroken, I can't cope with all this pain and sorrow. I've lost my smile, I can't believe all this happened to me and to us. I can't believe he choose them, these people who never gave anything to him - not even love and care -, instead of me (I loved him truly and dearly, with all my heart!). I have never wanted him to "break up" with his parents, why should I, but I didn't want to live near them...in their same city...but now he wants to live near them,...and he was planning to bring his mother to our home one day,,,what a nightmare. Everyone near me, that knows all the story and all the evil things said and made by those two, are saying to me that I'm so lucky that I've lost him now and not after a marriage or after having babies... I'm thinking the same too when I'm clear headed and rational...but I still love him and I can't believe he has changed his behaviour, his mind, his heart and his brain in that way. He looked like a free spirit in the past but...the unhealthy boundaries came forward and destroyed everything.
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