Hi all I've read quite a few of these forums and thought I should just get my feelings out there!
I have been going to Turkey all my life, every year in fact. I have family out there in Marmaris so i go with my family to visit them. Last year i decided i wanted to go for more than just the typical two week holiday. So i flew out by myself and stayed with my aunt for 2 and a half months. I didn't plan on meeting anyone I just wanted to go for a good time as i love Turkey, my uncle is Turkish and is too over protective and i knew meeting someone would be difficult. On my first night i went to the bar my aunt was working at and i met all the staff. None of them really caught my eye but as the days went on the barman started to become very chatty with me even though his english wasnt that great but we could still have a conversation. We became quite close very quickly as i found him very funny and he just seemed like a nice genuine guy as he was quite quiet and sweet, not the typical turkish guy you hear all the stories about!!
He then would ask my aunt if it was ok if he could take me out for a drink but as my uncle wouldn't have liked the idea of this she had to say no and i didnt want to upset my uncle. But anyway i was upset by this as i really did want to go out with him as i started to have feelings for him. We then got each others Facebooks but he added me on a profile that was a totally different name from his but i didnt question it. He would send me a "Morning canim" message every morning and this would make my day. Then one day i got out my bed quite late as i was out late the night before and i got a message from him asking if i would go to the beach with him. I told my aunt and she was fine with this but my uncle didnt know. I then went to the beach with him and i honestly had the best day of my life, we had our first kiss and i actually felt like i had known him for years. When i seen him at the bar at night i couldn't stop smiling, i just wanted to be with him 24/7!!! We would go to the beach at least 2-3 times a week and he would take me out for lunch and would spoil me, no one has ever made me feel so special but him! My feelings grew even more for him and i couldnt stop thinking about him but it was good that i seen him every night although we couldnt show how much we liked each other as i didnt want my aunt to find out. Even though my friends knew and the bar staff also knew haha. There then came a day where we had went up to his apartment and things happened and we kept going back each week. My uncle then found out i went to the beach with him and ive never seen anyone so angry before and he stopped me from going out with him. We both missed each so much and it didnt feel right just sitting at the bar at night knowing ive not spent any time with him. Sometimes i would go to the toilet and he would follow me to the sinks and we would kiss and it was amazing. His family then came to marmaris and i met all his cousins and we all got on really well. As my 2 and a half months were coming to an end i was literally dreading leaving him i just couldnt bare the thought of not seeing him every day! I spent my very last day with him and i wish i could relive it so much. I've never ever felt this way about any one in my life before. The day i was leaving finally came and when i went to the bar to bye to him my heart literally fell into my stomach, he gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he loved me (which i obviously believed) and i was the happiest girl ever. Cried all the way home and i was sooo upset when i finally got home. He would message me everyday saying how he wishes i was with him, how much he misses me and he loves me so much etc nd these messages would brighten up my day, i wanted to talk to him all day. We could never skype because he had a rubbish phone and didnt have a laptop which was quite difficult. I would look at the photos of us all the time and would sit with a big grin on my face, he also would always send me photos of him and i just loved seeing his face!! As time went on he stopped messaging me for a while as he went back to his hometown and i was so confused as to why hes not messaging me? He would then come online after a while and this would last like a day or two then he would do a disappearing act again and i couldn't cope with it what so ever. It then became months since he hadn't messaged me and i was still upset by this. I was looking through facebook one day and i came across a facebook with his name, so i clicked on it and i was raging because from what it looked like he was constantly updating this facebook, but the facebook i had for him he was never online. So i questioned him about it and he blatantly lied saying he only has one facebook which is the one he was using at the time and why i didnt believe him. I then felt bad for questioning him so i let him off. He still wasnt really on facebook much and i tried to find the other facebook but it was no where to be found so i was happy as i thought he had deleted it! But no lol i went on my friends facebook and i searched in his name and i found his facebook within 1 second. Only thing that could have meant was that he had actually blocked me because i asked him about having two facebooks. Anyway after a while a kinda got over it all as he was on facebook quite a bit always talking to me just like we would before and was talking about how he wants to marry me etc but then he changed and started to get angry with me all the time, which led to an argument just about everyday. I was truly sick and fed up of it which resulted in me deleting him and trying to forget about him. He obviously seen we werent friends so he added me and i stupidly accepted. He was being his usual lovely self, the guy i first met! Then again changed like the weather and i had to just delete him again. We now have not spoke in over 5 months and its been the hardest 5 months of my life. I feel heart broken because I love him, it wasnt just a stupid wee girl crush and the worst part is that i know i did nothing wrong for him to be like that.
I'm going back out to Marmaris again this year but not as long as last time because of college and work! I was really hoping that maybe he would be working at the bar again because he said last year that he 100% will be. I got in touch with my friend who knows his cousin and i asked them to ask him if he will be going back? Really i was hoping that he would be because he made my holiday last year the best holiday ever and will never forget it. But hes not going back this year because his cousin isnt either and when i found this out i can honestly say ive never been so upset before. I felt heartbroken. After a year and i still feel like this i dont know how i will ever get over him, especially if im going back this year to the same place and he wont be there! It wont feel right and i dont think i will have half as good of a time like i did last year. I dont know how he feels about me anymore which is upsetting but a part of me wishes that he feels the same way i do. Weird thing is that some of his friends add me on facebook and they message me telling me stories that he must of told them, he also must of told them my name for them to find me on facebook. Too many things go through my head but this is really the worst feeling in the world. A part of me regrets getting so close with him but then again i have the memories to remember. Theres always so many stories like this to do with english girls and turks but i really thought i knew the bad type to stay away from and i thought he was one of the lovely genuine guys! Guess i was wrong but it just hurts so much!! Think il need to stay away from guys this year when i go back so i dont ended up feeling like this for the second time.
I just had to get this out of me and im glad i did haha. Not much i can do now apart from try to get over him but i truly think this will take me a while which is hard!
Thanks if you read this.