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Sparkle16

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Sparkle16 last won the day on August 7 2012

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About Sparkle16

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  1. I don't know about you but I am starting to feel sorry for this poor Turkish fellow. If he was smart, he would head for the hills!!!!!
  2. Antelope - I was thinking the same thing. Wind-up but I don't think a wind-up would take it so personally. I do think there was a bigger agenda though. Some people just don't want to think that they can be duped, and she sees herself as nobody's fool. I think that is why she got so upset. I remember the first time I heard the stories about Turkish men, I didn't want to believe it either but so much of it goes on in Turkey and elsewhere in the world. There is so much scamming on the internet now; one really has to keep their guard up. Facebook can be especially scary if you let just anyone on as a friend; they can get access to information about you. Even just knowing your name and where you live and a Google search can open the door!!! A friend of mine just recently had someone get into her computer and use her personal email address to send out solicitations to her friends asking them for help saying she was stranded in Mexico at a hotel because her car broke down and she needed some cash to get another rental and on her way back to her resort. She said she actually got a phone call from a friend that was very worried and wanted to help her. OK, she definitely needs better security on her computer but who would have thought that could happen. Anyway, I am getting off topic here. Dakar - yes, definitely, Blackpool vs Istanbul - no brainer!!! Oh yeah, one last thing "Click"
  3. Rain - if you really want to find out how difficult it is, I would suggest you go to the US Government site (don't you work for them) or call them and I am sure you will find tons of information on the process and with that get a sense of how difficult it really is. I would also be curious how your fellow got to the UK as my understanding from the UK citizens, is that the process is equally daunting. There are more questions to be asked of him? I am a great believer of RED FLAGS and intuition and the Red Flags for this fellow include:Talking about marriage before even meeting you - come on, no man will willingly bring that up unless he has an agenda.Already been to the UK and has tried to get into the US - wants out of the country obviously - best chance a foreign woman (marriage/sponsorship)Talking to the family on Skype - hmmmmmmmmmm, that screams set-up to me but you know best! That is a common ploy.Looking for woman on Facebook - he would have had to ask to be your friend; I know for myself anybody that I don't know I don't add to contact lists or befriend as it is obvious they are trolling sites, especially men. He is practiced in the art of interneting.As said before - works seasonally and doesn't speak English well.As said before - 19 years younger then you.I keep coming back to the fact that you are fixated on his looks, as a Christian don't you think it would be more important to concentrate on his character and inner beauty. Rather superficial in my mind.We do not mean to be racist or bigots or anything of that nature. This is a classic case!!! Seen it a million times before. Modus operandi!!! This is how they work. Survival, needs money to support the family, etc, etc, etc. Quit arguing with everyone and get on a plane and prove us wrong. You will see it, especially in the resort areas - younger men, older woman. Read some of the other sites on this - Turkish Love. You keep bringing it back to our lack of understanding, our arrogance, our racial bigotry. We are just telling you the truth and it doesn't seem to matter how many people try to explain to you in how many different ways; you argue!!! OK Rain - you are right, everything you say is true, we are all completely wrong and out of our minds. You are right, you are right, you are right!!! There, happy!
  4. Hi Rain - just caught up on the threads this morning and realized that this has been going on for months, not just a new thing. I really am curious why either you or Reyhan haven't gone to Turkey to meet these fellows. Reyhan mentioned that she has been cyberdating her fellow for 18 months . Are you nervous of traveling alone to Turkey? I can understand that. I was the first time but soon got over it. Maybe you don't have the vacation time or the expense is prohibitive. It seems strange to me that you haven't jumped on a plane to go visit give the intensity of your arguments!. Aren't you curious? If he is just a friend, that is the best way to get an education about the country and you will be in safe hands. Do you have plans to go visit him? I don't believe for a minute that he will pay for your ticket. "no problem" is the mantra of Turkish men. I don't know how many times I heard that from my Turkish friend. It is the most aggravating term. I have always translated it into meaning "I don't want to think about that right now and I am not going to do anything about that so I will tell you "no problem" so we can move past this conversation - someone other than me will handle this".Be bold, go visit! Otherwise, if you are waiting for him to visit you - it will never happen and what is the point of continuing this cyberrelationship. If he is just a passing indulgence and you find him flattering, your time and energy is better spend in real life relationships. Last word on my part - you obviously do exactly what you want to do and say exactly what you want to say so you don't need any help from me. It is your life and yours alone. You have been told the score so if you run into problems, it will be with your eyes wide open.Good luck!Sparkle
  5. Hi Rain, You are certainly taking all our unsolicited advice with good humor, I do have to say. I have to admit that the first time I went to Turkey, I fell in love with everything about the culture. They almost remind me of the Italians in their sense of style, art and fashion. I love the country and if I could figure out a way to live there legally, I would. Istanbul is one of my most favorite cities in the world that I have seen so far. Couple that with handsome and charming younger men who are attentive and flattering, what's not to like. You will have a distinct advantage speaking the language- if you are able, jump on a plane and visit Turkey, it will not disappoint and I have traveled there many times as a single woman on my own and never felt unsafe. Turkish people are very gracious and helpful. You can meet your friend, if it doesn't work out; doesn't matter you will have been exposed to a really beautiful country and culture and come back all the wiser. I do say this with the caveat that you take all the normal safety precautions. But you are a mature lady so we don't have to worry. I do know that getting a visitor visa to Canada means the only way is if they are sponsored or a student registered in an educational institution or else you arrive with pockets full of loonies ready to start your own business and coming to check out the business prospects. If they come as a fiancé or live in partner, I assume all financial responsibility for that person for 5 years. I have to sponsor them completely and if they take off, I am left holding the debt they incur. Very scary proposition! From what I have read it is a very similar situation in the US. It is not as simple for them as it is for us. That is what I meant about being free to move around the world. When I go to Turkey, just like an American I go to the counter at the airport , hand over $60.00 and Presto, I have a visitor visa for Turkey. The Turks don't have that freedom. Anyway, I wish you well and hope you get a chance to visit this beautiful country regardless of what happens with this man.
  6. Hi Rain - I just wanted to add in my two cents too. I always find it helps to put the shoe on the other foot. I think in this case you have to ask yourself, "why"? Why would a young man be interested in a relationship with you. Don't get me wrong - I don't think the age thing has to be an issue but I think it becomes more relevant when you haven't met in person. I have been to Turkey on numerous occasions and believe me when I say Turkish woman are very attractive. I am not talking about the ones that live in the villages but the young women of Turkey that are young, educated and working and living a Westernized life. They can be very beautiful. But these woman are not interested in uneducated, village born men who haven't progressed enough. Those are the types of men that try to find an older woman because they think older means more money and being more vulnerable. Turkish men are very handsome, I absolutely agree and they use what they have to charm and flatter. They have watched their friends form relationships and improve their lives and it is acceptable to do this in their eyes. As a westerner we would consider this very dishonest and immoral but they do not. They call it survival. The fact that you say your friend speaks basic English means that he is uneducated with no formal University or higher learning skills as most Turks who are professional and working speak excellent English. I have to ask you why you would be interested in this fellow? Everybody on this forum is being honest and telling you what it is and you insist that you won't get hurt, won't allow him to abuse you etc etc but the fact is you are already emotionally involved with him or else you would have taken their advice and moved on. It is a sad world right now for women; because we have the money and the freedom to explore the world at large but we are vulnerable in the sense that in alot of countries where there are poor young men - they feel we are stupid and love starved enough to fall for their lines. I myself had an experience with a Turkish fellow which ended on good terms as friends but the reality is - our culture is different, our language is different, our roles in society are different, we have different economic backgrounds and we are free to move around the world - they aren't. It is easy to understand why they want to form relationships with us but really you have to distant yourself from the situation and really look at it with clear eyes. So what - he is good looking, big deal. That won't mean diddly squat when he comes to the US and can't get a decent job, has trouble with the language and doesn't understand why you want to go out with your girlfriends for a drink after work. Young men like him are desperate to improve their lives and you are a ticket to a better life. Please believe me when I say - I don't want to insult or hurt you but the writing is on the wall. I hope you take the time to really think this through. Good Luck
  7. I would agree as well, if I am paying my hard earned money for language lessons, I would (at the minimum) expect a positive, encouraging happy attitude. I have been following the threads on teaching in Istanbul and I would hazard to say that there are some who want to discourage any competition. It is like any business, those that present themselves in the best light will get the best jobs. I haven't taught in Turkey but have taught ESL and it is an uncontrolled private industry so there aren't standards in place anywhere that I know of. You really have to find the best schools and, of course, there will be more competition for the best jobs. Only makes sense!
  8. I can only add my two cents here but when only one person adds money to the pot, it isn't a partnership and why do something in a foreign country that you wouldn't do in your own country of residence. I love Turkey too and have been really trying to find ways to make a living there "on my own". I would NEVER invest money in any business without a lawyer (who speaks English) so I understand everything to the best of my ability. I have worked too hard to give up my savings to another person. I too have a Turkish friend and I have spent a lot of time explaining how things work in Canada and this has definitely caused disharmony but we are still friends. As Karyn said you need to do the legwork: business plan, marketing plan, cash flow analysis, income projections and assess your ability to have money behind you otherwise don't bother, you won't be successful.
  9. Good stuff, I never know what to order when in Turkey and I know some people have told me there are some good wines but I have never known the names.....will put these suggestions in my little black book.
  10. I find this topic fascinating, not just for the wages of waiters but the way in which the Turkish family works. My friend in Turkey has his own business and recently had a very successful year and was able to pay all his bills for his shop and pocket a bunch of money. It was interesting to watch all his uncles come to borrow money from him (he is younger and trying to build a business). This year is a different story, tourism is down and his partner decided he wanted out of the business so he is having to pay all the bills (instead of half) and pay his partner off as well when the economy is down. He is a very hard working person but I don't see his uncles coming back to him with the money they borrowed or even offering to help him out. That bugs me. It seems like they all depend on the most successful person to support the rest of the family. So different from North American's who have the attitude of "take care of yourself". We always help out family too but there is an expectation of "being responsible for one's self".
  11. I love your idea and next time I come to Istanbul (December) maybe I can sign up for a few lessons from you.
  12. Yum, yum, I could just reach out and grab a piece.
  13. Well, I can certainly speak about winter being a Canuck but you are probably more interested in the winters that people spend in Turkey. I have a little experience of that as I was in Turkey over Christmas in 2007. It was beautiful for the first 5 days and then started to get cold and I was very cold but luckily the hotel I stayed in had a nice little fireplace so I would just pick up my book and have a cup of coffee and enjoy the ambience. I didn't have the same kind of clothes with me that I wear in Canada though and that is probably why I felt the cold more. The secret is fleece, everything fleece and layers and you are good to go!
  14. Here is a link with pictures, I am sure you can find something cheaper too. The lamps just act to mimic the sunshine.http://www.summertan.com/SADlamps.htm
  15. Wow, Chala, what a horrible way to spend your winter, no wonder you were feeling the blues. I did have a friend who was diagnosed with SAD and she really suffered over the winter months in Vancouver. Her doctor did get her to buy a sun lamp and expose herself to it during the day even for 20 - 30 minutes just to get a boost. She told me that it really helped her and she uses it to this day on a regular daily basis. SAD is just a shortage of vitamin D and sunshine in your life. She also supplemented her Vitamin D intake. Won't help you now but maybe this winter when you are feeling the blues.Maybe I should export some sunlamps to Turkey
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