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Moni85

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Moni85 last won the day on May 16 2014

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  1. Ok many of you might know my story from my previous post labaled NEED ADVICE PLEASE. For those that have not read it I will give a quick summary: Been dated a Turkish man for two years here in the USA....we have gotten serious and spoke about marriage. He is currently on vacation due back on Oct.19. He left for 3 weeks for EID holidays. He planned to tell his parents about us 5 days prior to returning to the USA....the plan shifted when his parents wanted him to meet a candidate. He refused and mentioned about our relationship two days into his vacation. He wanted to enjoy somewhat his vacation and holidays but due them putting pressure he had to tell. Now he is an uncomfortable situation with his parents and his whole family had discussion about it on Bayram. All of them don't accept because I am foreign. He told them even I have converted to Muslim which I did about three months ago...and that I was willing to move over there if he decided to move over there....this of course did not matter to them and they still close minded about the topic. He has only been there 10 days and I feel his hopes and energy is going down. I feel that he does not feel so confident about our relationship anymore and his attitude. So my question is....should I just give up on our two year relationship? I love him very much...but I cannot force him to do something he might not want to do....or Am I suppose to be supporting him right now emotionally while he is down? I am pretty sure it is tough for him over there as he is fighting with everyone and his family....but i am feeling down too. Should i just throw in the towel...or support him and keep fighting?
  2. I understand your point of view.....and believe me I felt the same way at that time when his parents were visiting......but also.. I had to understand that it was very difficult for him too. His parents are aware of me...so its no longer a secret. They learned he was dating someone when they came to visit. ... Our issue right now as you can see in my most recent posts are how we are going to confront everyone. Its not just his parents...its also my mother. I am also not bringing him around her just to avoid problems....we both don't like confrontation. But we feel like we are being pushed into a wall and we have no choice but to defend for us and our love.
  3. We have not discussed much about those topics yet. We are more focused on how we are going to make it through the situation. I know that most likely he wants to go back to Turkey. He doesn't seem to like it too much here in the USA. He has asked me if I would consider moving to Turkey if we were to go to through marriage. I am not totally against it but I would have to reconsider if the time comes. As far as religion goes... he is not very religious and so is his family but he still practices it. I have no problem converting to muslim due to the fact that before I met him I was already considering it. I had studied Islam in my universtiy and found it interested ever since. My best friend is also Muslim and she has taught me many things about it. I guess it doesn't hurt to start talking about it but as I mentioned before we are more nervous and focused on how to make it through.
  4. Yes, you are right it is unfortunate...but I hope we go through this and hope everyone realizes that we really care for each other and don't want to lose one another. Thanks for the wishes Winegirl.
  5. UPDATE*** We had long conversations throughout the last two days and put out everything on the table. We came to the conclusion that we can not fix our problems with his family. Another problem we are facing too is that my mother does not agree with me dating a muslim man....she mentioned that as long as she is under the same roof he is not allowed to come around. That being said, we came to an agreement and to go for it. Despite....the circumstances that we are under we said either we break up or we go at it. He is scared and I am too... We don't know what waits for us and we know that we are heading to war. I know the first battle we will have is with his sister and my mother....due to the fact that they are near us...than we will have to deal with his parents who are living in Turkey... Please wish us luck because i feel that we will really need it!
  6. Hello, I know it's been awhile since my last post but figured I should give an update to my situation. Since his parent's last visit here to the USA some things started to change between me and him. He began to distanced himself a litte from me and didn't seem too happy. After awhile, I confronted him and he admitted that he was stressed out because his parents straight up told him that they will not accept anyone foregin. He even said that they don't even want someone from any other cities from Turkey besides his home village. His mother wanted to set appointments with some ladies from his village but he refused..he said it did not make any sense because he was living here in the USA and he absolutely did not want to have a long distance relationship. He has a visa for one year more to work and he was thinking of applying for a 4 year working visa to continure working here but he said he now was considering moving back to Turkey after his one year visa expires after speaking with his parents. I was crushed of coarse.... so I told him that there was no point of continuing the relationship. He was devasted of my words and said he really did not want to break up....he just said it's just too diffcult for him and that I make him so happy. It was diffcult for me too so we can contiuned seeing each other and after a few weeks he mentioned he applied for his 4 year visa. I had hope for us after this but than we encountered another problem which was his sister completely stopped inviting me to anything. We used to do all do activities together with her and her husband or somethime just me and her but after his parent's visit she stopped. We have talked with him about this and he said it makes him stressful because he really can not do anything about it and also makes me upset because I don't want him to have problems with his sister. I feel that he now he has to seperate his time between me and his sister. He choses to spend more time with me and I feel his sister gets mad at this and I told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. I really don't want to create any problems but I feel like we really love each other and we are just facing obstacles after obstacles. His parents by the way got many clues that he is dating someone here so I know that they know he has a girlfriend but probaly thinks that it's just going to be temporary.
  7. My boyfriend really doesn't have much influence on what i wear. He only makes suggestions as if it revels too much or not....(with him i have become a little more conservative) When we go shopping together though he does have a say so on what i ended up buying or not. I don't find it a big deal as I know he is only looking out for me. I personally like to dress well because it is always to nice to get compliments from your man...not because it is expected from me.
  8. Thank you very much for your response. I will be praying and hope it all turns out for the best.
  9. Merhaba everyone, I am new to this forum and I have read some threads and they are quite interesting. I came here to seek advice because really i can not find any solution to as how I feel. I am a hispanic 28 year old dating a 29 year old Turkish man for a year. Actually our one year anniversay is this month... December 29th. We both live in New Orleans and he only has his sister and brother in law here...the rest of his family is in Turkey. The first couple of months of dating he did everthing in his power to keep me interested in him....taking me out to dinner buying me roses on a regular basis....everything seem fine. He would always talk about places we should go visit in Turkey and everything. Once on the 4th month of dating i saw that he was becoming serious asking me i should move in ...etc.. I at that point told him i had a daughter.....i had not told him before because i really did not think of him as something serious....but once i got to know him and Turkish culture....i really saw the similarities between the hispanic culture and Turkish culture...we are really family oriented and have similar values. After that some things changed...but his feelings seemed to be somewhat the same...but there was no more talks about going to Turkey no more comments like....i am so lucky to find you...he always use to tell me this. So i felt at this point some change...after confronting him...he mentioned that his parents were probaly not going to approve of me because of my daughter. I felt bummed about this so after much thought....i thought to myself this is not going to work out...so i broke up with him. He talked to his sister about the situation...and she basically told him..he had no future with me....and to never tell their parents about me because that would send his mom straight to the hosiptal...she has diabetes. Keep in mind i have an Masters degree...i owe rental properties...and see myself fairly decent. but of course all of this doesn't matter. After all this he cried...and begged me to not to brake up with him...that i made happy and no one has made him happy like this before. I cared for him too so we decided to get back together.8 months later.....which is been one year now...his parents came from Turkey to visit for one month....and i as expected been excluded of everthing. Although his sister has a two bedroom apartment...his parents decided to stay with him in his one bedroom apartment...so i really can not see him.....i been seeing him only during lunch time and i can not stop myself from feeling inferior. I feel like we are doing something bad and we have sneek around. I asked if they even knew about me and he said he tried to mention about me a few months ago and basically his mother told him straight up he is prohibited from dating any american girls although i am spanish and that she will never give her blessing to him. So after that he stopped trying. I tried to talk to him about it....what does he expect from this relationship...he said he does not know...only the future can tell. He is not giving me any promises....he hasn't even said he loves me. He just says his feelings are very strong for me nothing like he has experienced before. He said love is a very powerful word and should only be said in marriage. He said he has never told i love you to anyone before. i am just so torn....i don't know what to do...should i just keep trying and maybe one day things will fall in place or should i just call it quits?
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