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  1. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from ash88 in My story so far :)   
    A few rules if you are to continue this. 
    1.  NEVER give him money or send him things.
    2.  Don't put your life on hold.  If you're in school, stay there.  If you have a chance at a great job, take it.  Relationships come and go, but you'll always have to live with the consequences.
    3.  Be honest about your expectations.  Like living in Turkey, for example.  Or religion.  Or kids.  Maybe it's a bit early to discuss it, but since he mentioned meeting his parents, you may as well get those difficult conversations over with, as not to waste time with someone who wants different things.
    4.  Don't compromise.  You're too young and it's too early to already give things up that are important to you.
    5.  Don't change who you are for him.
    6.  If you find yourself having to justify this relationship to everyone, that's a red flag.
    I think if you keep these in mind, you should at least protect yourself.  You are young, but who's to say what can happen.  Just don't open yourself up to being hurt or becoming a target or bad statistic.
  2. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Happyinsc in Turkish men...African American Women   
    Cool question.
    There are not that many other races there, so they can't be that prejudiced, since they've nothing to base their opinion.  I'd think the religion would come up more than skin color.
    You may find this ineresting, but my husband says that Turkey's view of American Blacks are that of Hollywood and rap videos.  Many Black actors are very funny and charismatic and cool and fashionable.  All are Chris Rock, Will Smith and Jay-Z.  Quite different from the South, huh?
  3. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from sue in Married Details   
    I thought it might be nice for those of us married to a Turk to give a little overview of our lives with them!  For example:
    Where live
    How met
    How long dated/are married
    The wedding
    I'll cut and paste these and respond.  Look forward to everyone's answers!
    Where live- Near Philadelphia, PA.  He's from Izmit, which is about 1 1/2 hours from Istanbul
    Kids- daughter, 8, from my previous situation.  One 14 month old with my husband.  He wants one more!  (But I'll be 40 in a few weeks, so hello, pressure!)
    How met- "a mutual friend" is our story.
    How long dated/are married- we knew each other for 1 1/2 years.  He told his family about me then, in Feb.  (We were both here in Philly.)  Got "engaged" then and got legally married in April.  Then, went to Turkey for the Turkish wedding in July.  Stayed there for 9 weeks.
    The wedding- courthouse near Philly, then salon wedding in Turkey.  Loved the kinah gecesi.  So different from here!  Could go on, but you get the GI.
    Lifestyle/Religion- Suni Muslim with a large helping of Sufism.
    Misc- husband trying to find work, now that he's got a greencard.  His degree in Turkey is media/advertising/marketing.  It's not easy breaking into that industry.
    I hope that will start the proverbial ball rolling.  If you think of more categories, add them and we can keep posting!
  4. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Vic801 in English Teaching Job in Turkey with TEFL?   
    Hobbit, I agree with your last paragraph mostly, but I do find it odd that there are many "English teachers" who do not have sufficient command of the language- the blind leading the blind, if you will.

    "My bad." Ha-ha. That's a newer one to me, too. One time, I made a student apologize to another for something. He said this phrase and I didn't get it. Then, other students defended him as having admitted it was his fault. I don't know where it comes from, but the student was black. Maybe it's a hip-hop culture thing. I should look it up, as it has been taking off.
  5. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Meral in Mustafa Kemal Ataturk: The Incredible Turk   
    That's why I did not post on the Istanbul Rising protest thread. I did not want to turn this one into another one of those. I just wanted to say that YES, Ataturk was a great man, but I feel that he'd probably be rolling in his grave if he knew what was going on today in his name.
  6. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from phonicsdude in Mustafa Kemal Ataturk: The Incredible Turk   
    Yes, he was a great man. But many people mistakenly think he was anti-Islam. This is not the case! In fact, he was a religious, practicing man, but wanted to secularize the state as a way to PROTECT the image of TRUE Islam and not have Turkey associated with the oppression of the Middle East after the fall of the Ottoman Empire. I was at the Ataturk Museum (can't remember which city in Turkey) and while it wasn't that large, I spent the better part of the afternoon reading all the plaques. I came to realize that he's VERY MUCH misunderstood and praised for things he never intended.

    Turks use Ataturk as a way to justify/hide behind their non-practice. They think that anyone who has Allah in his/her life is some backward person, like you can't be modern AND faithful. The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, Ataturk PROVE this!

    Ataturk took drastic measures for Turkey in 1923. People say Erdogan is "undoing" Ataturk's vision. But people forget that the reasons WHY Ataturk did what he did. Situations now in 2013 are very different, so the reasons WHY Erdogan is doing what he's doing is based upon different circumstances. You can't compare the two. It's apples and oranges, historically. I bet if the two were together today, they'd agree on a lot more than you think.

    I am tired of Turks -- who have ID cards with "Islam" on them -- put down the faith and use Ataturk as their pedestal.

    Come on, people. You're really going to praise a 1950's xenophobic, revisionist history propaganda film?

    I don't mean to offend but this really hit a nerve with me.
  7. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from marie81 in Tips For Modest Clothing In Turkey?   
    I don't think her precautions are insane; I think they are sensitive. So many ugly Americans and she just wants to blend.

    By the way, Modern and Modest are not mutually exclusive! I am very much both!
  8. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from ash88 in Very early days but looking for advise   
    Some want to "rush" it for religious reasons. If you are attracted to each other, then some feel it's bad to be together unless you're married, lest your tempted to do "bad" things...
  9. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from sue in I Think if I Eat Another Turkish Dinner I Will Explode - Help!   
    Perhaps she was waiting for the "Eleyna Salik" (pardon the spelling if it's wrong!) complement?

    I found if when I am finished, I wipe my mouth, put my silverware where suggested and say this phrase (literally "health to your hands") then it shows I am officially finished and satisfied. It also compliments the cook.

    Maybe she kept trying to satisfy you because you didn't say this???

    Try it next time. You say it "el-LAY-nah SAL-lik."
    Oops- just read Ahududu's post. Sorry for being redundant. And a horrible speller.
  10. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Quinn in Help! Does Anyone Know The Word For "cream"?   
    I personally can't stand crème in my coffee. It's too rich for my taste. But how about powdered milk and not using as much water???

    Or go to Kahve Dunyasi or Starbucks and see if they have it and ask where they get it or see if you can buy it from them?
  11. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from AhmedAlhadidi in An Adventure   
    AA- I know what you mean about the "teaching" qualifications. They just want their required slips of paper. I am an English teacher for American public schools fro 13 years, am a native speaker, a published writer and did all my coursework for a masters in administration, yet I'd still have to get that certificate. Meanwhile, the "English teachers" in Turkey CANNOT speak English, yet they are doing it because they do have that requirement. In fact, some of the English "English Teachers" in Turkey are minimally educated. Do not think "English teacher" by our standards!

    Funny- when in Turkey for the summer, my husband introduced me to tons of his husband's friends b/c they were "English teachers" and I was so excited so I could have a proper conversation. They'd ask me how I like Turkey and I'd start rambling off at the mouth. They'd have this lost sheep look and after I'd finish my part of the conversation, they'd just say, "You pretty lady."

    My point is, my family is on a ten year plan to move to Turkey and I know there are certain things I will have to do so I can make myself employable.

    Good luck and I'd love to hear your updates- I could learn from your experiences, I'm sure!
  12. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Aston in Turkey   
    Reminds me of that show, "The World's Strictest Parents." Those horrible kids who are out of control who drink and party and basically say FU to their Mom or Dad (hardly ever are both in the picture). That type of self destructive behavior starts rearing itself at a much younger age. Parents need to step in when their kids are in the single digits and say "H3LL NO!"

    It's the sense of entitlement to do horrible acts that is what is wrong with people. And they learn that by parents not providing proper boundaries and a moral compass.

    I may be over simplifying, but I think that analysis works most of the time...
  13. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Mouse64 in Isler Gucler...   
    I think there must be sayings in every language that don`t really make sense but still work, we have a few in Germany that I would use all the time and it only became apparent to me how silly some of them are when I had to translate them for my husband.
    One of my favorites is if you translate it word for word: " I believe my hamster is polishing the floor" to be used in a situation that seems incredulous or for the same type of situation: " my pig is whistling"
  14. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Aston in Turkey   
    There are millions of people in this world with addictive personalities. Scientists believe that addictive behaviors are defined by the excessive, repetitive use of pleasurable activities to cope with unmanageable internal conflict, pressure, feelings of inadequacy and stress.
    So the fault or weakness is because certain people are predisposed to addictions and without intervention are unable to control them.
    Government control will not stop people as they will make homemade alcohol etc It happens all the time in Saudi Arabia and such countries that ban alcohol

    Post edited to add this Moonshine By Country http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moonshine_by_country
  15. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Fil in Turkey   
    To return to the topic, this issue produced some interesting articles in last sunday's papers, plus witticisms that are going the rounds, for example the one that says the national drink is actually water, with yoghurt it makes ayran and with rakı it makes bayram. So iyi bayramlar.

    There was also this in hürriyet, to exercise your Turkish http://hurarsiv.hurriyet.com.tr/goster/ShowNew.aspx?id=23152146
  16. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Vic801 in Cig Kofte Recipe   
    I agree with you, clinky. I like the isot spice. It's a dark, dried pepper that's really smoky. Don't know if I can find it here in the States. Have to go to the arabic/Turkish market. Smoked paprika comes close, though, but isot has a 'funk factor' lacking in the former.
  17. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from conan198903 in Had A Really Weird Dream Last Night   
    You're horrible, Clinky!

    Conan, I hope I don't upset you when I suggest this, but you are SURE you were dreaming? I'm getting the feeling that yes, you are stressed and there are forces at work that realize you are weak and although you are normally strong and able to fight off evil temptations, they are seeing a possible opportunity. You'll probably think I'm nuts, but I feel it in my heart to say that.

    I don't know what religion you are, but I'd suggest taking a shower before you retire for the evening and say some prayers out loud as you get into bed. If you do that, I feel like you will be blessed with peaceful sleep each night you do that. Do it for at least 40 nights.

    Again, I hope you don't think I'm being too weird or alarmist, but I just wanted to tell you that.

  18. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Turko in Are There Really Jinns?   
    Here is one of my random threads;In Islamic theology jinn are said to be creatures with free will, made from smokeless fire by Allah as humans were made of clay, among other things.[7] According to the Quran, jinn have free will, and Iblīs abused this freedom in front of Allah by refusing to bow to Adam when Allah ordered angels and jinn to do so. For disobeying Allah, he was expelled from Paradise and called "Shayṭān" (Satan). Jinn are frequently mentioned in the Quran: Surah 72 (named Sūrat al-Jinn) is named after the jinn, and has a passage about them. Another surah (Sūrat al-Nās) mentions jinn in the last verse.[8] The Qurʾan also mentions that Muhammad was sent as a prophet to both "humanity and the jinn," and that prophets and messengers were sent to both communities.[9][10] An appellation of Muhammad is Rasûl-üs-Sakaleyn. Because Muhammad met several times the jinns at night. A masjid (Masjid-i Jinn) was built at a future date to the memory of this phenomena.
    Similar to humans, jinn have free will allowing them to do as they choose (such as follow any religion). They are usually invisible to humans, and humans do not appear clearly to them. Jinn have the power to travel large distances at extreme speeds and are thought to live in remote areas, mountains, seas, trees, and the air, in their own communities. Like humans, jinn will also be judged on the Day of Judgment and will be sent to Paradise or Hell according to their deeds.[11]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jinn#Jinn_in_IslamI never had experience with them but heard many times that they can appear to people in human shape even can marry with people and make children. And agains heard many times that you should be careful when interacting with a stranger first time.
    Does anyone here have any experience?
  19. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from conan198903 in Single Men Unwanted In Turkey?   
    Oh, Conan, I am so sorry to hear this! You seem so nice and sweet. I would be proud and consider myself very lucky and blessed to call you my neighbor!

    Let's assume your friend is telling you the truth and not sparing your feelings- that he's not just an Asian-hating jerk.

    I think Turkish tradition is that you go from your parent's house to your own once you get married. To live on your own being single may be associated with everything "modern" and that being single and living independently is turning your back on your family. Many of the "modern" people are not as religious and older people may have that stereotype of this being the reason that the world is going down the drain, so to speak.

    I'm not judging at all, of course!!! Just giving you a perspective (not even mine). I bet Americans have an even worse reputation. Now, the USA is fighting for same-sex marriage. I bet your neighbor would LOVE me!

    Maybe if you let some time pass and make a few nice overtures to the man, he may warm up to you and realize you and your modern living is not the reason for the downfall of civilization!

    So, you have 6 years left, huh? I would think with China and its attempt to control population, you'd be considered ultra-responsible for not procreating. But I've read that now, there's a huge shortage of females and they've lifted the ban in certain provinces. Oops. Got off topic. My bad.

    In the States, there's still the stigma, too. If you're not "set up" with a family, people may presume that there's some personality flaw with you. Or that you're gay. I know I had a huge crisis when I hit thirty with no prospects. Crazy, what society's mores can do to one's psyche...

    I hope you have some luck with your cranky neighbor!
  20. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Abi in Recycling Plastic Bags   
    I hear you, Sunny. I think of it as the "Sweat Pants Factor." Some women look as cute as can be in sweats or PJ bottoms and a T-shirt. (Think Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston). Others just look like slobs. I tend to think of myself as the latter.
  21. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Vic801 in Recycling Plastic Bags   
    I hear you, Sunny. I think of it as the "Sweat Pants Factor." Some women look as cute as can be in sweats or PJ bottoms and a T-shirt. (Think Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston). Others just look like slobs. I tend to think of myself as the latter.
  22. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Vic801 in Recycling Plastic Bags   
    I use plastic bags for dustbin liner, dog-poo collectors, freezer bags etc.

    I use Pringles tubes for putting my kitchen utensils in - ladles, wooden spoons, spatulas etc. I just put some salt in the bottom to weight the tubes down so they don't overbalance.

    Yogurt containers (the square ones, or icecream containers) are perfect for soup - put a plastic bag inside, ladle your soup into it, put it in the freezer and when frozen remove the plastic container and you have perfectly rectangular bricks of soup that stack up in the freezer and save space. Jamjars become pencil pots or used for making mustard or chutney, anything else goes into a cupboard until I think of a use for it.
  23. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from Sunny in Recycling Plastic Bags   
    I hear you, Sunny. I think of it as the "Sweat Pants Factor." Some women look as cute as can be in sweats or PJ bottoms and a T-shirt. (Think Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston). Others just look like slobs. I tend to think of myself as the latter.
  24. Like
    TaterTot got a reaction from bristolboomer in New Relationship With A Turkish Girl. Need Advice   
    Here are some of my thoughts-

    "I love you" IS used differently. "Love" is applied to many types of relationships. To sign it the way she did may not be as strong as if she did that in English, so don't get hung up on that.

    I respectfully disagree with GDB. Islam DOES factor into it from my perspective. The fact that she's 22 w/o a previous BF is not that unusual for the culture. Dating is usually for when you are ready to marry (as it should be, in theory) and if she's going to do her masters, then I can see that she may still be focused on her education for now.

    However, YOU are 33, and no offense, but that's a bit long in the tooth to be so caught up with a college age girl. Anything you can say in your defense? Have YOU ever had a GF???

    And to echo others, until you actually meet this woman, you are NOT in a relationship with her. It's only somebody you converse with online. The nonsense of handing out passwords, etc, means nothing. BTW- how's her English? If it's TOO good, I'd even wonder if she's a real Turkish girl. Unless she's studying in English, you can only get so good by 22.

    Ever see the show/movie Catfish???

    If you're willing to consider Turkey, I'd invest in taking a trip there. Book a tour and check it out. Even if the girl falls through, you won't be sorry!

    Where do you live and where's the "brother?" Has she told him about you? I wonder about that. Maybe she could introduce you two through the link of Islam. True Muslims love to teach about the faith.

    Also, you mention all these things in your first post, but you've never mentioned what she's said in regards to you and her... Maybe you're just a friend. Did she ever give you any indication of her intentions beyond the closing of her emails?
  25. Like
    TaterTot reacted to Vic801 in Raki   
    Raki does have magic powers, I agree. In just one evening I became an expert saz player, mastered Turkish folk dances and proved my skills as a marksman. Funny how it all disappears in the morning!
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