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Everything posted by TaterTot

  1. I'm sorry, but please don't blame your situation on Turkish culture. The fact that you don't respect it means that it never would have worked out, anyway. What's wrong with feeling duty to your parents??? You sound a bit immature if you can't put this in a corner at work. Be a man. Grow a pair. Shun her. Break free. You sound a bit codependent to me if you can't just say "f" her and walk away... without p*ssing on a whole country's long standing traditions of being loyal to family. This is more about you and less about her, IMHO.
  2. Impossible to say. Your English is impeccable. Where did you study? How did you come to get so good?
  3. Please do not confuse certain cultural practices with Islam. Kurdish is a WORLD away from modern Turks. We'll just leave it at that... My husband's family are true Muslims. My MIL even runs a prayer house and has many religious duties. My SIL is working on her Masters degree. They constantly say that paradise lies at the foot of the mother and that my being a teacher is my salvation in the next world. They don't drink, they cover, yet are also secular. I can't speak for your husband's family, but the best thing to do would be to meet them and see what kind of people they are. Every
  4. I'm Baaaaack! : D I've heard of a pacifier being called a dummy because I watch Shaun the Sheep! Well, we did the Benadryl and it didn't quite work. He slept for an hour so we could (almost) eat our meal, but then he stretched out on me and almost flipped the tray, whereby he woke up. We dosed him again four hours later and he nodded off... 30 minutes before descending. I think it's better strategy to give the brandy to the parents!!! Luckily, he wasn't loud; only rambunctious on my lap. His thumb was up my nose, feet on my chest... horrible. I don't envy Dad doi
  5. Have you skyped with him? To your OP question, you could ask to see his Kimlik to prove that he's not married. You mentioned kids- any way to get them to stay with their dad while you and a friend go to Turkey? Getting him to come here would mean that you'd have to sponsor his visa. And do you want him staying at your house??? I'd rather go there than have him all up in my space...
  6. What concerns me the most is her lingering contact with an ex and the fact that you feel deep inside that she'll cave to her parents. Would they accept you? Well, you'd have to convert. Are you willing to go through that hoop just to appease them? As for the sex, the guilt's from not being married. Once you are blessed in that sense, sex is supposed to be a celebratory aspect of the marriage in Islam, so I'd not worry about that. My MIL who is very religious bought me sexy lingerie, lol! I'd sit her down and put the cards on the table. It's either fish or cut bait at this point, I'
  7. If you respect religions but would refuse to have your children brought up with any of it, then there's a bit of a disconnect there. She sounds like (to me) that she's one of those Turkish Muslims that only identify with the faith because it's on their ID card, but don't really practice. Still, it's true about the conversion bit. I think the only way to get a grip on the situation would be to put it out there- if the two of you should marry and have kids, you'd want NO RELIGION win the kids' lives. Period. Would she be OK with that? And could she marry you if you didn't convert? I sup
  8. From my perspective, I'd go the conservative route. 1. Kiss his hand and put it to your forehead. 2. Don't show affection to his daughter in a physical way in his presence. 3. Don't lie down or sit so the soles of your fee show. These show disrespect. 4. Some men may think you cooking means that you are weak. I don't know if that's how he'd be, so you could just throw this piece of "insight" in the trash, lol! 5. If he's strict Muslim, he may not drink and some don't smoke, so I'd not do that. 6. Eat his wife's cooking! : D 7. Say "Mashallah" and "Cok guzel" to nice/beautiful thin
  9. I was with an abuser years ago and he was American. I'm now married to a Turk and he loves, respects and honors me. So don't put it on the ethnicity of the guy to control you.
  10. IWB- I thought you were from the States... I'm going JFK to IST, straight shot. Granted, we're leaving 6 am and won't be in Izmit until the next day, door to door and time change. I'm thinking of giving our son Benadryl... Am I evil? I'm not so worried about dealing with my son; I just don't want to feel horrible for ruining a whole plane full of people. I'm self conscious enough as a person! My husband ONLY flies Turkish Airlines. But the pliers are an effective metaphor for the dread I'm feeling right now. Any suggestions? And no, I don't drink alcohol!
  11. Well, I'm off to Turkey from JFK on Sunday. It will be the first time my inlaws see their grandson. I'm happy to be going, but nervous- I'm NOT looking forward to a 9 hour plane ride with an 18 month old! Once there, I will be glad to relax with my husband as Babane and Dede dote over our son. I'll be back in 9 days; hubby and son will come back six weeks later. Here's to some me time; I plan to work out a lot and finish my screenplay so I don't go insane!
  12. Not to get all preachy, but I don't think it's right to go into marriage with the attitude, "if it doesn't work out, then my family can clean up my mess and I can just move on." I think it should be taken WAY more seriously than that. It's not a game... Also, imagine brining a child into this circumstance. If you are already so cavalier about this, then I'd just walk away now and save the trouble of getting a divorce.
  13. You already have to lie to him when you are in another country and not even married yet??? You are 23 and he's 33. Trust me, this is NOT going to get better!!! Would you take this from a guy from your own culture? If you put up with this, you will be a prisoner on some farm. Don't you feel like you deserve more??? You've got a future and you are already throwing it away, losing jobs and your personal identity as well. I'm sorry to say, but this is something you should RUN away from, NOW!
  14. I think the "change" comment is to be taken as a complement. That maybe he was cranky before, but now that he's in love, he's happier.
  15. Tradition would dictate that if he's introducing you, then you will be his fiancé and perhaps get a spiritual marriage (nikkah) so you can be in each other's company. It's quite a huge endeavor. Are you sure you're up to it??? Have you had all the important conversations? Converting? Where to live? How to raise kids? Lots to discus. Better now, before getting the parent's involved.
  16. I think it's very telling that your niece gets defensive. It's probably because she has the SAME concerns, but is blissfully sticking her head in the sand. I think we had "the talk" after the first few dates, just to make sure we are on the same page. I suggest she do that NOW, NOW, NOW. If he runs, then it wasn't meant to be. Otherwise, why do it too far in and THEN have a lot of pain to deal with. I'd suggest her doing it now since the Christmas season is upon us. You better believe if they get serious, Christmas will need to be addressed. If just the THOUGHT of her life changing g
  17. Funny... I made beans the other day. It takes me two steps: First the pressure cooker. Then, I take them out to further season/cook them. My husband ate them in between steps. He was kind by not saying anything. Then, once he ate them AFTER the second step, he confessed that the "almost HATED" the beans the day before! I told them that's b/c I wasn't finished with them, lol! He didn't want to say anything, b/c he knows I'm very stressed right now and was afraid that all my love of life had gone and it showed in my cooking! Nice to know he's being gentle with me, but gosh... Am I t
  18. Can't go wrong with vegetarian, so the meat's not a worry. Just be careful about knives. If you order a pizza, for example, don't have them cut it. They could use a dirty cutter that just went through a pepperoni pizza. Also, watch the sauces and baking, since some stuff may have wine or extracts in an alcohol base. I'd suggest the guy and girl discuss their plans of the future regarding religion. I'd tend to think a seriously practicing Muslim would want her to convert... We had that conversation WAY early on... It would a be a shame for them to get too far into it without that seri
  19. It's neat to notice the different milestones in a relationship. I think the cooking one is definitely one of those moments. Make pilav the right way, and he'll be yours forever! Just prepared to use half a stick of butter!
  20. Spot on, FamilyGirl. Same with Rosalynn. You have to respect his views. He's probably not thinking that dating/having a girlfriend is an option for him. Throwing yourself at him is a HUGE turnoff. If you want to spend more time with him that's respectable and get to know him as just another student, then your best bet would be to go through the older brothers or sisters and tell them how you feel and see what they say. Maybe something can be done so you can be study partners or something with chaperones. You sound young. If you are in high school, your main focus should be graduatin
  21. Well, the wanting you to eat a lot does seem quite Turkish. And the wanting to dress you up thing was my experience a bit, too. But only out of love. I can't say at ALL that my husband is controlling. He's the most supportive man I could have wished for. If you are second guessing now, watch out. I'm not getting a good vibe. BTW, the one on the left looks a lot like me, lol!
  22. My husband's family has a kite museum in Istanbul and I'm sure I can get some info for you.
  23. Hey- you never know. He could be sincere. But if he is, he won't spoil you. I'd not do, or NOT do, anything for this guy. All I can say is, don't give yourself to a man in hopes of it leading to anything. Once you give that, you can't take it back. It has NOTHING to do with him being Turkish.
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