TaterTot

Hello. I think the least of your worries should be the particulars of finances in Turkey, as I don't see your man as being sincere. Blocking you from accounts and reopening others? Sounds waaaay shady. Also, do his parents know about you? Lots of questions to answer before even thinking about this guy in a serious way, I'm afraid...

Are you ready to be disowned? If you and he really are into each other and are talking serious, then start having important conversations... like were you to be disowned, would you go back to Turkey to live with his family??? Why is he here? Does he need someone to get with to stay there, or is he fine going back to Turkey? What about kids? You career? You're young, so no need to rush things. Enjoy your freedom.

How do you know his "sister" isn't really his wife?

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but if you are unemployed, you don't sound ready to be considering a serious relationship.

Maybe... but that's not what you are looking for, right?

Every person has their own opinion. This is just mine. I think it's good to be honest about why you are wanting to meet women. As I said, BOTH my SIL and BIL met their now husbands and wives knowing from the START that it was marriage with the end goal. My suggestion is to find families who are this traditional way as well. That's my perspective.

Again, I'd go through the family. If you have MALE friends where you live, as THEM if they have any sisters ready for marriage... Or maybe they've got other friends who have sisters. Just get the word out that you want to find a wife... presuming you are financially stable and can support a family, know how to treat a woman with respect, then you should have no problems. Being a good dresser and good smelling (but not too much cologne) helps, too!

No worries. My husband is Turk and has improved A LOT since our first meeting. It's due to me being an English teacher and being very strict with his mistakes. I guess I took that approach with you as well. Thanks for understanding!

Hello. I see you PMed me, so I thought I'd respond. First off, please understand that your English is not "perfect." This is not a criticism, but you do need to understand that. I would not be doing you a favor if I kept that to myself. You need to know. To the point of your query- does she have a brother? Presuming she's traditional and you are, too, I'd be clear that you are ready in your life to find a wife and settle down. They will respect you if you make this intent clear. Better to do that then to "pretend" to be her friend when you really want a wife. I know others may differ, but my husband's family is traditional Turk, and I've seen both his brother AND sister meet and marry within six months' time! (Yes, I am a woman... you called me "Brother" in your PM to me. Surprise!) : D

Thank you, Ken. Even if it *were* true about the V part, I'd not want to be with a guy who had sex with me just to appease his friends. Yuck.

Touchy! I didn't think I was being judgmental. I'm not the one seeking advice on a website calling myself confused.

He suggests that you go for a "walk" but you end up having sex? And you believe him when he says he was a virgin? Hey- I've got a bridge to sell you.

Not much more to add... would you accept this behavior from a guy from your country? If not, then don't let the cultural difference weaken your expectations. End it and don't look back.

It's not just a Turkish guy thing... it's a GUY thing, period! Since you are young, I don't recommend meeting men online, period. Cut all ties. If he persists, tell him you will report him to the authorities. There's something to be said for the traditional customs of having the parents introduce the kids...

How about when you get sick because you didn't have a glass of warm water after eating ice cream? I would tease DH about all the Turkish folk lore, but this one actually happened to me! Maybe because we pasteurize everything in the States?

I didn't mean "catfished" in the sense he's actually a 400 pound woman from Arkansas... I mean that he's not honest about what's really going on. I think you are either divorced or not... so I don't know what you mean by "completely." How can you be engaged to someone who's already married? That IS illegal (if not tacky) since it implies intent to commit polygamy.

Ask to see his kimlik. I think you are victim of a catfish.

Yes, if my SIL wasn't into him, they'd not pursue it. Also, there was a boy she liked, but he wasn't deemed suitable. Marrying for love is overrated.

Turks are not strange. It's just not American. The US is huge. Can't you find a man in your own country? You don't even say how much in love you are. Just that you plan to bear him 5 kids. And you know this guy 9 months? Strange, indeed.

I've seen it twice with my husband's sister and brother. They were "set up" with their spouses, but the "kids" had a say in it. When my SIL was of "marrying status," word got out and mothers of eligible sons approached my MIL. They researched the one man's family and their reputation. Once they passed that part, the kids emailed. Then talked. Then met with the families... There's a certain way to do these things. Six months later, they are getting married! Same with my BIL. They have their first kid. They planned a wedding after two months of seeing each other. They are very religious, but not of a rural area and are also very progressive. It's quite a lovely thing to behold.

Cultural difference? Age difference? Personality disorder? Who cares? It's a crap marriage/situation. Best to focus on the "Now what" instead of the Whys and Wherefores.

Take what you want and leave the rest. But don't confuse being practical with being negative. You'll appreciate it more once you've had my experience of actually being married to a Turkish family... if you ever get there.

@Kas (sorry, no Turkish keyboard)- I HATE the attitude of "stay out of my business" when it comes to kids these days. I am in the States and am NOT that old and I think it SHOULD be the business of ANY adult to step in when kids are concerned. But this whole, "don't talk to my kid" thing is largely what's wrong with society today. I think kids should be kids, as long as they don't interfere with other's right to enjoy themselves. And of course, safety. Kids running around in a park? Go for it. Open space and grass. Kids running around in a restaurant? NO! Hot food... need I say more? I also HATE screaming. That should be saved for physical pain and abductions. NOT for playing. Yelling when role playing in the park? As long as a person trying to read isn't bothered... My DH and I share a common porch area with the neighbors. The entire neighborhood's kids play on OUR porch. My DH wants to shoo them off. I say that's a bit not nice.... But the fist curse or inappropriate discussion I hear, and I'll say, "You want to talk like that??? Do it on your own house so YOUR parents can hear it!" And if it keeps going on, I'd be fine walking over to their parents and telling them what their kid's doing. As long as I'm not nasty about it, I shouldn't have to worry about retribution... It's all a balancing act.

I'm presuming you mean to the same person... lol! <3 Technically, no, you can't. I'd say, if they don't know you're already married, then, yes... Just don't say you're already married. That way, you can get the "red book." : )

Together for 5 years without marriage? That's unusual for a Turk. I'm thinking he had been taking you for a ride and never had any intention of marrying you. I could (and hope) I'm wrong, but 5 years??? I'd be interested in knowing more about your relationship.