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  1. Hi everyone, I'm very new to this so please bare with me, I have been reading some of your threads for the last few months and playing with the thought of asking for some advice for myself. Finally got the courage to throw my story out there and hope some of you could give me some honest opinions and help me out. So here go's .... So I am in a relationship with a Turkish man I met whilst on holiday in Marmaris at the beginning of October last year, I am supposed to visit him a week today. I will firstly explain how we met as much as I know how wrong it was and I know most of you will be appalled but please hear me out. I'll start at the very beginning I'm a 21 year old Scottish girl, I was on holiday in Marmaris Oct 13 with my partner of 7 years (been together since we were 14 and we had a very turbulent relationship and many reasons why we should not have been together) we actually booked the holiday as a last resort to fixing our relationship but it became quite the opposite and we spent most of the holiday apart, him spending 95% of the week drunk (which is fine he was on holiday after all ) but making no effort with me at all and getting seriously drunk to the point of me having to look after him for example One night we went out for drinks in seven brothers bar and he locked himself in the toilet too drunk to help himself the staff actually had to kick the door down :|!!!!! anyway So after spending 4 days at each others throat and me wanting to cut the holiday short I decided to stay down at the hotel bar myself, I sat there until closing time having a laugh with the staff and a few other guests, a couple of them were going to a nightclub afterwards and offered me to come along, so I accepted headed back to my room for a quick change my partner was passed out and so I headed out I had an amazing time have never laughed in such a long time. That night one of the guys who worked at the hotel bar had really caught my eye, so handsome and he was really funny and I felt myself being drawn to him almost, So having had a bit too much to drink myself at this point I decided to speak to him and asked him if he wanted to leave the club and go for a walk he didn't speak brilliant English but he must have understood as he followed me anyway we walked about for a bit, I felt so attracted to him, really wanted to kiss him but just then as I was having these thoughts it all kind of hit home for me what I was doing was so wrong, I was so drunk that I started crying and he held me looking so worried asking me over and over what was wrong and to smile, he wiped my tears gave me his jacket in case I was cold, all the while asking me what was wrong, Crying I asked him to take me back to my hotel which he did with no hesitation on the walk back to the hotel he kept asking why I was sad and asking me never to cry and only to be happy I couldn't explain why I was upset because his English wasn't great I wasn't sure he would understand, We got back to the hotel and I just said goodbye quickly and basically ran back to my room, my partner at the time still fast asleep having no idea where I had been, The next morning we had booked a boat trip, I spent the full day on that boat thinking about him and trying to think of excuses to talk to him again. When we got back to the hotel I found myself looking for him even though I tried to hide it, I was elated when my partner asked me if we could sit in the hotel that night with another couple we knew there. All night I was on the edge of my seat hoping I would see him, It was getting late my partner was again very very drunk and had spent all they money he had left so had to go to the bank just as he left with 2 other guys we were sitting with the man I had been searching for all night came up from behind me and asked me If I was okay, I had butterflies in my stomach the lot I felt like a giggly little school girl!! the remainder of that night we kept having eye contact and cheeky smiles, I'll be honest I had forgotten my partner was even gone when I remembered I went up to our hotel room to find him passed out empty bottle of whisky at his feet. I sat out on the balcony trying to clear my head and telling myself I had to forget about him. Just then I heard whistling, I had the urge to look behind me willing It to be the turkish waiter but I knew I was just fantasising until someone whistled 3 more times I turned round and It was him!!!!!!!! My heart Skipped a beat. he waved to me then said 'good night' blew me a kiss and left. I hardly slept a wink all night my head was buzzing my heart was fluttering I had no idea what was happening to me I can assure you I am not the hopeless romantic type. The following day I had a word with my partner told him how I felt about his drunk behaviour and asked him since this would be our last night in Marmaris If he would mind not drinking too much and actually try to have a good time together ( I had already made it clear to myself that I was not going to think/look for this Turkish guy I knew it was so wrong and foolish of me to even contemplate it to be anything more than it was) during the day by the pool I seen him at the bar but I didn't stare at him or smile nothing just acted as normally, He brought my drinks over from the bar I thanked him as I had every other member of staff and walked away even though I could feel myself die a little inside, By mid day my partner was again absolutely sloshed. We had booked to have Our pictures taken and he could hardly even stand up for them, I had to take him up stairs at 8:30pm because he was so drunk falling asleep at the table I sat in the hotel room until 9.30 myself Then I decide I was not spending my last night of vacation in that way, I put my partner In the recovery position In case he was sick and went to the bar alone. around 10 o'clock I was just about to head up to my room to pack our cases when another guy who worked behind the bar came over and told me to meet 'Fatih' at the super market in 10 minutes, I did not know anything about this and did not even know for sure it was him but on a whim I went. It was him he asked me if I would like to go to bar street with him he had taken the night off work and he would like to take me out and wanted me to meet his friends. I didn't even think twice and I went, We partied all night long I met a few of his friends and one of his friends girlfriends who happened to be English and I got on really great with her and she could speak Turkish so she helped me get to know him and she translated for me also, after the club the other couple and us both took a lovely walk around the marina, sat in a park, went to a kebab shop before getting a taxi back to the hotel. It was a wonderful night I felt was on cloud 9!! He asked to add me on Facebook and for my number, I got the English girl to tell him i would add him on Facebook and asked her to describe my current relationship status and that I was grateful for everything but I had a boyfriend, He nodded and I could see he understood He then told me He felt really special about me and has never met anyone so beautiful but he respected my relationship. He walked me to the stairs kissed my hand and I said good bye, I knew I would never see him again and Did not want to miss the chance to kiss him so I basically ran back over and Had the most passionate kiss I have ever had my whole entire life. I did not want It to end he looked so shocked as I blew him a kiss and walked into my hotel he just stood there looking ahead like a lost puppy. When I got to my room My partner was awake and we had a blazing row, I packed our cases and went to sleep the next morning our transfer to airport was at 9am my partner and I did not exchange any words that morning, another couple we had met there was leaving on the same transfer as us so we met up with them downstairs while waiting, Fatih appeared at the hotel my face dropped. He smiled at me and walked over to speak to me I mouthed no and he nodded as if he understood and still he waited when the bus came my partner left me with all the cases and luggage got on the bus and sat down did not even look back at me, Fatih came over helped me put my bags on the bus and then just waved at me with a petted lip and said 'please Facebook me as soon as you are home', even as the bus pulled away he waited waving and blew me a kiss. It was heart breaking I could feel my eyes well up. As we boarded the plane I sat holding the tears back as wee took off the tears just rolled down my cheeks no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. Over the course of the following days being back at home we exchanged messages and were able to have actual conversations using translating websites and I tried to pretend I didn't care telling him It was just a holiday romance as lovely as it was and that I had a Life here ect. He persisted no matter how stand offish I was. I Only lasted a few days when I eventually had to tell my partner what was going on as I was so guilt ridden, He was angry and yes he brought me down to nothing told me how worthless I am that I was just a number to this guy I was talking to, I knew he had a valid point. We had our own house together at this point and Neither of us could afford to move out so we remained living together yet not together as a couple, It lasted 2 months he made my life a living hell anything he could do to hurt me or make my life difficult he did it. All the while Fatih continued to message me daily, Skype me and we talked on the phone when we could I could feel myself falling head over heels but I did not show this to him. So I moved in with my grandparents and wrote my relationship with my partner off completely and I tell you It was a very long time coming. Wow that was a very long winded story I thank anyone who Is still reading lol!! I hope you now have a rough idea of how we met, the situation and that I have now separated from my partner at the time. Its been about 6 months or so now, Myself and Fatih are now 'in a relationship' have been for a few months. We have spoken about our future, including cultural differences ect. We both seem to understand the difficulties Involved in a long distance relationship and other aspects of our relationship that might cause 'issues' I have read many of the threads on here and they have answered many questions for me, aswell as made me ask a lot of questions also, I have read other peoples story's of happy relationships as well as some not so happy endings unfortunately, I would like to think I have a sensible head on regardless of how infatuated I may seem I assure you I have not taken these decisions lightly I have spent many hours reading forums such as these along with countless news articles and talking to people in a similar situation. My friends think I am crazy and think I threw my 7 year relationship away for a holiday romance, they did not know of the long standing problems we faced as a couple, My family adored my Ex just as much and also did not know of these problems and The unhappiness we were very good at 'keeping up appearances'. At the moment I am facing a decision whether I should follow my heart and go, I would love to see him again and when I was with him before he was a Lovely guy who made me laugh, I believe after spending 1/3 of my lifetime (the best years of my life) with the wrong person who abused me and took away every ounce of confidence I had I have not much else to lose, I have lost many of my best friends very young and I believe Life is to short to live with what ifs any more I want to live in the moment. Worst comes to worst I can get a flight and head home and never look back. Although If I decide to do this Its going to have consequences and possibly destroy a few friendships, My family wont like It but they wont stop me or love me any less. For this reason I would have to go alone, which I am fine with I'm a fairly independent girl, I've looked after myself and my younger brother since I was 12 living with my Violent alcoholic mother. I'm not saying this makes me wise or any more sensible I have read about a lot of really sensible people getting caught up in the heat of the moment and giving up everything for a new romance. I honestly feel like its Only a weeks holiday to get to spend some time together get to know each other a little better ect. I should Also add that he is 25 and from Konya who does work in the tourist area of Marmaris. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I thank anyone In advance for helping me out, Oh and anyone who's taken the time to read my life story lol. kindest regards xxx
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