Posted 19 June 2010 - 06:44 PM
I am now engaged to be married to a Turkish man who I first met in 2002 but was and has been in my group of Turkish friends of day one. It was only last year when I was over that he advised me that he had been in love with me for years but as I was with someone else he could do anything about how he felt.
This was a bit of a shock as I have always seen him as a great friend but his confession opened up my mind and heart to him as more than friends and it wasn't long before we knew that we were meant to be together in life and are now looking forward to growing old together.
He is a good man and hard working, although the work situation is not very good in Turkey and it can be a struggle.
We are trying to decide if we marry and live in Turkey, marry in Turkey and move to UK or get a fiance visa and get married in UK. It would be great to be able to get married in UK and he is not opposed to that but with all the stories you hear about refusal of visas we don't know what is best.
Does anyone have any experience of this who might be able to advise if we would be better to get a fiance visa and get married within the 6 month guide lines or should we marry in Turkey and apply for a husband/settlement visa. Which ever way we just want to be together when we are married, work hard and build a life and family together.
I hate the way that your life is put under the microsope to officials and that in 2010 people just don't have the freedom to travel even if they have the financial means.
We haven't started any official paperwork yet, just trying to save a much money as we can to prove we can financially support ourselves, but is this enough???
I wouldn't mind living in Turkey when we are married if that has to be but to get work that would be similar and pay what I earn in the UK will be hard. What will be with be I suppose.
Posted 19 June 2010 - 07:04 PM
Posted 19 June 2010 - 07:06 PM
If you look up Sirin's profile you will see that she runs a web site for girl friends and wives of Turkish nationals which may be helpful for you.
The only thing I will say is if you decide to live in Turkey it could be hard for you to work as you will need to get a work permit and they are very difficult to get. If you can tells us what you do work wise we could tell you better what your chances would be of getting one.
I look forward to hearing how it all goes for you
Posted 19 June 2010 - 07:12 PM
I am an office manager for British Telecom, working for a training department, organising hundreds of training courses for staff and external customers. At the same time I have to ensure that the office functions efficiently and that all aspects of financial and administration paperwork is processed accordingly. It can be stressful but at the same time rewarding when you get positive feedback from customers regarding their training experience.
I look forward to hearing from anyone with some wise words and guidance.
Posted 19 June 2010 - 07:23 PM
Posted 19 June 2010 - 07:31 PM
Starting the visa process is very daunting but hopefully will be worth the pain and waiting. Just need to decide which route to take!
Posted 20 June 2010 - 04:49 PM
I agree with Cukur that you should continue with your job as even after 3 years of marriage when you could apply for Turkish Nationality, you would be lucky to get anything equal to it. With your job and probably your own house, you are in a strong position visa wise.
What you should be doing is collecting evidence that yours is a genuine relationship and has been going on some time. Things like photos, letters, copies of phone bills, anything that you can think of.
I'm sure Sirin will have more to add.
Posted 20 June 2010 - 05:29 PM
Welcome to the site, and congratulations on your engagement and your forthcoming wedding - wherever it happens!!
Ok, so you have 2 questions here - where to live and what type of visa to apply for. The visa question is slightly more straightforward - as you really shouldn't notice much difference between applying for a Fiance Visa and marrying in the UK or marrying in Turkey and applying for a Settlement Visa.
The Fiance Visa is just as rigorous as a Settlement Visa, but it may need a bit of extra saving, as your fiance won't be able to work while on this visa - plus you're also paying out for an extra visa fee.
On the other hand, you get to plan your wedding together, and although you probably feel you know each other very well, it does give you the opportunity to actually live together after having had a long distance relationship so far. No one likes to admit that living together can be a challenge, but I've known one or two couples to realise they weren't suited at this point, and they were grateful to have gone down this route.
My husband and I went down the Fiance Visa route, and it worked out well for us - as by the time we married, we were even closer than we'd been before, and we were able to have the small quiet wedding we wanted. The downside was that in the months before we then applied for the Settlement Visa, Oz got a bit frustrated at not being able to work.
For us, the decision about where to live was not difficult - but it's a very personal decision.
Like you and your fiance, we both had good jobs - me in the Public Sector, Oz as an engineer. Both of us are quite career driven, and if either of us were unable to work it would definitely have made us unhappy and had an effect on our relationship. Jobs can also affect 'equality' in the relationship.
In Turkey, as you may already know, work permits are applied for by the employing company, and usually only granted if the foreign worker could do a job that a Turkish person could not do to the same standard. Typically, this can be some repping jobs, teaching, estate agency, or some retail jobs in resorts. You would need to consider how you'd feel about this sort of job. Would the lifestyle make up for a job that may be less satisfying, or might this wear off after a while?
Worst case scenario is that you may not be able to get a job at all. Life might then consist of keeping house and accepting visitors. Even if your fiance is very modern in thinking, there will be some neighbours and family who may take you under their wing and help you to adapt to being a housewife, and you may find yourself with little time to yourself. You may love that, or find it hard?
If you decide to live in the UK and keep your job, no one can guarantee your fiance getting a good job straightaway - but the 'limitations' here are not the same. I can't say that there is no discrimination - employers in some industries can be cautious about taking the 'risk' of a foreign worker - but once you get a foot in the door, your fiance will probably find more options here than you would have in Turkey.
It really depends on your priorities in life. Money can buy a nice house, and give you more options for the future. A good career can bring satisfaction and a sense of independence. Or you could opt for a simpler life, which may be more of a struggle in some ways, but which you may love. I definitely think you should picture yourself as a housewife in wintertime to get a picture of whether Turkey is for you.
Our plan is to stay in the UK as long as we are of working age, and work towards a second property in Turkey which we'll spend more time in when we retire.
Good luck with whatever you decide, and if we can help with anything more specific about visas, do shout out!!
Posted 20 June 2010 - 09:27 PM
What you are saying makes sense and covers most of what has been going through my mind. I do have reservations regarding how my fiance would fit into like in Northern Ireland as we don't have as many nationalities as Mainland UK has and still people do have their barriers up when it comes to foreigners.
How long does it take once you are married to be able to apply and get a settlement visa? I know that it would be a very frustrating time if he could get work once we are married as he is a proud man and like to be able to provide for his family (which would be me then). I know that what I would earn would feed and house us but it's more than the money - its being active and contributing to life here. Making friends and fitting in.
I know that I could if the decision had to be made revert to being a housewife and god willing a mother back in Turkey but we wouldn't be financially sound and that brings all other issues!
I have raised my concern that fact that he would be living miles away from friends and family but he only wants to be able to be with me, healthy and working. Journeys back home can come when we are settled.
I too think the fiance visa is the route to take as it gives him time to adjust to the way of life here, ok not fully as he can't work but he can get to know more of my family and friends and be a "housefiance" for a short time.
For years knowing him as a friend we didn't take many photos and these days you don't write letters but have since started to write letters, send cards etc. and when I visit take plenty of photos of him and family. We are going to take the next year to save as much money as we can to strengthen our bank accounts so that when we apply for the visa we would have a stronger case. Hopefully all going well we can plan a wedding end of next year.
Can I ask how long it took to be granted a fiances visa when first applied and are there time restrictions once you get this as to when you have to travel?
Posted 20 June 2010 - 11:28 PM
After you get the visa, you are supposed to travel within 28 days. The visa lasts 6 months, but once you've married in the UK, you can apply for your Settlement Visa straight away, which is probably a good thing to do, so that he can start applying for work straight away.
You're probably right about there not being so many Turks in Northern Ireland - but I've known of quite a few, and just like in the UK, some settle down happily and some don't. Haivng Turks around can be a bonus, but it can also be a hindrance. You'll always find a few prejudiced people - but I'm sure there will also be some employers who are quite sympathetic.
I wouldn't worry too much about the evidence of your relationship if you're not applying for another year. Some people get married quite a lot sooner than that, so it should be plenty of time to gather that evidence and save up.
I'm sure you'll be fine, honestly. And if the worst happened, and your first application was not successful, the vast majority of appeals are successful, so you'll get there. In your shoes, and knowing what I do now about applications, I really think that sticking with your job is the best plan for now.
Try not to worry!
Posted 21 June 2010 - 01:54 PM
''What will be will be I suppose''.....i dont think this outlook is wise in my opinion as you need to have a plan and also think ahead and consider your overall happiness and your joint needs /wants/dreams now....not leave it to fate/chance too much....
i/we are lucky in the fact we dont require much and like the quite life and i dont need/want to go back to the UK often....well maybe your age is also relevant here as well as your chatacter and despite missing London now and then i wouldnt exchange this life for a life where i work FT as a teacher and my husband has to give up his job here as a banker and the dynamics change again. It worked out for us so far so good but our life/curcumstances now are lucky i would say as i think the risks we took paid off. If i had a good job like you and my husband wasnt a uni leaver with a bank job or government related FT job i may have suggested UK was a better/safer bet from day one for us both....BUT im not into safe bets and maybe we will suffer in the future finacially but thats the risk we took at the time.
i think how your husband to be feels about leaving Turkey is also relevant....not sure my husband would cope so well in the UK...hes young but a bit traditional in his head and our circumstances suit him well..i can see that. i think the commercial side of life in the UK would overwhelm him and the lack of similar fruit/veg /markets would drive him nuts...he is a bit old school though and a village boy at heart so to relocate would be odd/tough for him....
i think having described your circumstances a bit to us your choices so far make sense and if you like you job so much that you cant leave it then you have answered your question already as there wouldnt be that kind of job here for you for a while..maybe ever...who knows...
i valued my job while i had it and its easy to go in and out of the education sector i would say but the thing i found didnt make me happier or more content was the money....became secondary once i moved here...we just go without now or find other ways around things....
- to add it seems we (you/me) both think kids = need money , but his family do ok without all the garb from UK that some mums have and they are happy healthy things...they just dont have the holidays away that maybe some kids have in the UK or the latest clothes and gadgets....i didnt when i was young and i was happy!
ok am babbling now.....good luck and thanks for sharing your thoughts here..will be useful for others in similar situations im sure....
Edited by Lucid, 21 June 2010 - 01:57 PM.
Posted 23 June 2010 - 01:48 PM
Hopefully once we get the ball rolling I can share and update you all on how our plans are going.
Many thanks again. Enjoy life :-)
Posted 23 June 2010 - 03:42 PM