19 replies to this topic

[sunny]

A Turkish friend of mine who has lived in the United States for many years once told me an amusing experience of hers. After more than a decade in the land of freedom, she came back to Istanbul for a few weeks. While strolling the streets, she inadvertently smiled at people with whom she came face to face. In return, though, she did not get the polite response that she was used to. Instead, the women she smiled at looked surprised, and worse, the men she smiled at looked aroused.

http://www.hurriyetd...0&NewsCatID=411

[Abi]

Hopefully it won't be too many years before Turkey get there.

My short answer to this big question is that, first, Turkey is a “transitional society,” one that is in the critical middle of a long transformation from a traditional (rural, agrarian and communal) to a modern (urban, technical, and societal) nation. So, traditional mores are eroding, whereas new ones are not fully matured. (Your grandfather knew how to say “salamun alaikum” to his familiar neighbors; you don’t know what to do with all those unknown individuals in colossal cities.)

[swabs]

Good article!! It took me a long time to realise these facts with smiling in Turkey, Haluk and our friends always wind me up about the fact i walk around smiling and saying hello to everyone!! I really struggle not too as so used to living in England but i eventually learnt how to walk around with a 'miserable' face!!

He explained to me many times too that if i smile at a man they will think that their luck is in and try something on so instead just look straight ahead and keep walking!! haha xxx

[aine]

This reminds me. A friend who had travelled through-out Europe returned to Alanya and oıpened a cafe. One morning a small tubby gentleman in Şalvar and general village clothes came rushing in. ''Brother you should have seen what happened to me just now, a blond yabanci looked into my eyes and smiled, good job İ am a good muslim otherwise İ would have gone off with her'' My friend explained she was just being friendly at which point the chap got really angry ''You were not there and dıdn't see it she really wanted me'' My friend said the village chap spent the day walking round convinced he was the answer to a yabanci maidens prayer and from the friends description of him - short fat unshaved and unwashed - İ find it hard to believe.

[sunny]

Certainly made his day aine.

I find that most officials look as though they've been sucking lemons.

[aine]

Also this doesn't explain the very sour lingering looks some Turkish women give yabanci women. İ often feel like asking what İ have done.

[Vic801]

From many Turkish women, I think the sour looks towards yabanci women is jealousy or at least envy of a different lifestyle.

For Turkish officials, I think it's because they've been told to look serious, they hold the responsability of the Turkish State on their shoulders or in their little rubber stamp.

It's like when you are taking photos, Turkish men automatically draw themselves up, pull in the belly, turn slightly sideways, smooth down the moustache if they have one and look as if they are going to address Parliament. Makes for some very jolly snaps.

[Louisemarie]

My hubby said exactly the same thing.....in fact when he went back to turkey in November he asked his mum why everyone was so miserable....her reply was......that's just the way their face is.

His first words to me when I arrived were not to smile at any men or they would think I fancied them. I have now been practising my Turkish look....it's obviously working as in work they call me a miserable cow

[swabs]

It's like when you are taking photos, Turkish men automatically draw themselves up, pull in the belly, turn slightly sideways, smooth down the moustache if they have one and look as if they are going to address Parliament. Makes for some very jolly snaps.

Agreed!! that is always comical to watch as well! xx

[sunny]

"It's like when you are taking photos, Turkish men automatically draw themselves up, pull in the belly, turn slightly sideways, smooth down the moustache if they have one and look as if they are going to address Parliament. Makes for some very jolly snaps.

​All men do this, not just Turkish men.

[swabs]

What i find strange and i dont know if this is my turkish man or everyones, but when they are trying on clothes they are just like women!! I mean i go into a shop, usually i have to sit down in a seat and wait for like 45 mins whilst he is stroking the clothes, turning in the mirror, walking a catwalk and posing to make sure it is the right thing to buy. I think its actually made me faster at shopping as i cant stand the waiting for him!! xx

[Louisemarie]

Thank goodness for that.......I thought mete was weird coz he is exactly the same......also we have to go to every shop, look at every thing, try on every thing and then do a lot of talking and discussing!!! I have to show enormous interest in the whole process or we are guaranteed a row because I should be happy he is taking care of his appearance.

Shopping for clothes takes him an age but if I take more than a few minutes looking at stuff he gets bored and says buy whatever you like you always look nice....grrrrrrrr

[swabs]

Hahaha yes its sooo funny....Now i know that men in England are becoming more about their apperance, and being called metrosexual. But ive never seen anything on this scale for shopping!!

My ex bf was pretty much metrosexual but he always used to wind me up about when id stand in a mirror with a new bag seeing how it would look on my shoulder, off my shoulder and walking...Now i see the same in Haluk and i always say it to him!!

We take trips to the local No Fear shop, and the owner knows both of us, mainly for a mixer of the fact that he was talking turkish and i kept replying - he was shocked that as a yabanci i knew Turkish because all the germans living there didnt bother to learn anything, and secondly because of the way we both are together shopping in the shop, many times me huffing and puffing saying ye alright get something already!!! xx

[Amy]

Hahaha yes its sooo funny....Now i know that men in England are becoming more about their apperance, and being called metrosexual. But ive never seen anything on this scale for shopping!!

Oh my gosh, this is so annoying I really hate it when guys pay high attention to their appearance, even behind closed doors. All I ask for is that they're clean and their hair is "casually messy" haha. I was thinking just today about how I really dislike the idea of men shopping for clothes, for some reason it makes me cringe and get a bit.. off. So most modern Turkish guys are like that and it does my head in. I think I just wish clean tshirts and jeans just materialise in a man's bedroom and he throws them on without thinking about it, rather than putting effort into it lol

[aine]

Avoid at all costs turkish husband buying his own clothes. You will need sunglasses to view the new outfit. Mine was let out without a guard on one occassion and bought two shirts. One duck egg yellow one bright red both with piping and trim. A style last seen worn in the fifities by hollywood cowboy heros. Need İ say more.

[clinky]

Turkish men in photos are hilarious. The standing sideways thing and then folding your arms. Comedy gold.

Whenever there is a photo opportunity at work I always ruin it on purpose because of the poses they pull are ridiculous. It's your birthday! Just be happy and smile at the camera!

[Abi]

Oh the shame of it Aine, I hope you made him take them back, If he didn't do you pretend you're not with him if he's wearing one?

[Lucid]

reading this reminded me of the 1st yr i lived here i was with my new boss applying for my work permit and seeing all the people i had to to do so....i was chatty and a little nervous i suppose as my turkish was dire at that time but my boss spoke English as we are teachers but it took ages to get used to his accent and his manners - i eventually got chatting with the ladies in the offices and made a few broken jokes and got away with it until the head bloke...actually a woman! walked passed and glanced at me like i was a clown (would have been one too if it got me a job in Turkey! - works out teaching felt the same...)
my boss then turned to me and said dont laugh in these offices its rude , be quiet and sit still..like i was a 5yr old...i have never forgotten that and to this day in his honor i make a point of being loud , chatty , smiley and forward in all the places i shouldnt be...and at least i am remembered as that crazy yabanci ;-) I mean this isnt the 1950s (or 80s in turk terms) and i am not 5yrs old...so i say smile away..but i admit the nervous wink i have has got me in trouble more so but thats another story

[sivri]

Oh... this thread was interesting. I don't know if it is because I haven't lived in Turkey long enough or if it's because of my Scandinavian background that I haven't noticed this at all while staying in Turkey? My experience is that turks behave in a very "normal" way when meeting strangers (with the exception when it comes to the officials, as was stated earlier, where surlyness seems to be a part of their job). They are often very helpful and friendly but rarely "over-friendly", they give you space and respect your integrity in a polite way, maybe similar to what I am used to from Sweden and Finland.
In my home country people are generally reserved compared to many other countries, we are not famous for our happy faces, you do not greet or smile to strangers passing by on the street unless there is a special reason for it. Especially in Finland This doesn't mean that Swedish/Finnish people are suspicious towards strangers, but I know that many foreigners visiting the Nordic countries find the culture a bit "cold" and unfriendly due to this.
(Especially compared to the US where I have understood that people are considered "over-friendly", I have never been there myself though)
Is this the reason why I haven't encountered any of the problems above?

[IstanbulWhiteboy]

I don't know if it's because i'm an obvious yabancı, my slightly behemoth stature, or some combination of the two, but i think i may change my name to "Moses"... i've noticed (after it was pointed out to my by a friend) that the sea of people walking through taksim seems to part in front of me as I walk down Istiklal; conversely i also seem to get lots of smiles/nods from men and women alike... possibly because i tend to have a permagrin when i'm down there...